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Comment by countrywoods on March 18, 2012 at 5:09am

New update we just won visitation rights for my grandson here in Florida a week ago Monday, its been a very expensive journey. My son is holding off of the remainder of divorce until he gets home from deployment,hes qboard yhe USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN,never ever thought Is be helping my son with a divorce this early in life.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on February 17, 2012 at 3:25pm

If you want involvement with the baby, see if there are grandparent rights in Texas.  There weren't any in Illinois, but the judge told the ex that since we were the only way our son would have contact with his daughters, that having them two weekends a months would continue as well as anytime he was on leave.  Now we get the girls whenever we want them, take them on vacations, are involved with their school.  It's the advantage of time passing and them being in our area.  Mom and Dad communicate now, too. 

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on February 17, 2012 at 9:48am

Ask around for an attorney that is military friendly.  Ask the recruiters, ask friends, then go interview a couple attorneys. We were lucky and had one recommended to us that researched the military pay, that respects the military.  I got the divorce, I always say, because of the POA.  The ex hated me more than you can imagine for a long time because of that. 

 

Ask your son for the user name and password to his Navy pay slips because you will need those.  In the beginning of my son's divorce, the Navy was taking out more than he made because he'd just returned from A-stan.  They based it on combat pay that ended.  It took months to get this straightened out, but eventually they did.  The attorney kept at it.  A simple divorce ended up being over $3000 because she kept asking for more and more including pages of financial documents including ours!  She's not smart enough to ask for all of that--it was her parents looking for money.  Our son was a PO3--no money! None of it made sense, but eventually it was over.  So be prepared!  It's so worth it though, and your son will be much wiser.  My son was 19 when they had the first baby, separated at 23, divorced at 24, and been single ever since--he'll be 30 this year.  He'll marry again, but he's being much smarter. 

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on February 16, 2012 at 9:38pm

These pages should be required reading for new recruits!  Moms can't tell their sailors not to get married cause they'll do what they want, but maybe some of these stories might make a difference....probably not...but I wish they would.

Angela, what a mess!  I don't know if it would help to do this, but I'll tell you what I would do.  If this were my son and son's baby involved, I would--

Get a POA immediately and start the divorce.

Make a visit to your local child protective agency.  Ask questions--can they file an inquiry with Callifornia to do an investigation about the baby's safety and care given the past history?  I think they can. 

Have a paternity test run.  Tricky unless you can get to that baby somehow.  We did a paternity test when we had the baby one weekend, sent the "test" to our son with the rest of the kit for him to finish and send it.  Worth the money because we'd have always wondered, even though we'd decided whatever the results, she'd still be "ours."  She belongs to us without any doubts.  Of course, if your son is on the birth certificate, he's probably legally obligated for 18 years anyway.

But then it's "just" money and not emotions that are invested.

And pray a lot.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on February 4, 2012 at 9:52am

My son is headed to Norfolk after three years duty at Great Lakes.  His girls enjoyed seeing him more frequently for those three years as we live three hours away.  We'll be taking them to visit in July as they were too little to remember living in Norfolk.  They've been divorced for almost 6 years; his wife left right after the younger one was born; the girls are turning 7 and 10 within the month. 

They really bonded in the last three years, so the seeds have been planted.  The older one already asks how old she has to be to live at her daddy's. 

He's dated some in the last three years, one he thought could be serious, but she ended up giving in to parental pressure (at age 26) to not be involved with a sailor.  When he thought about it, he knew she wasn't right if her parents were going to run her life.  He's reconnected with someone he met three or four years ago now, and she's in Virginia.  We'll see what happens.  He'll be 30 this year, so he's ready to find someone again. 

 

 

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on January 13, 2012 at 11:19am

Becky, we had the problem with the attorneys and judge not understanding the pay.  Finally, they figured it on deployment pay for three months, then had to go back with new pay slips and prove it.  It should be based only on base pay, but not many civilians get it.  We had the recruiter in our area help explain a lot of it, though the Navy doesn't want to be involved with civil court.  Our son had a few checks with a minus amount!  Your son should get BAH or something like that to help pay the X for housing his daughter, I think.  It's been awhile since we dealt with all this. 

Honestly, it's probably best that he moves into the barracks, at least for a while.  He might not be able to afford out base cause he'll loose some housing pay.  My son had to live on the ship for while until everything was settled. 

The one thing that finally worked out for our son--Illlinois demands 25% for one child, $28 for two.  Because they figured it wrong, our son still is paying more than he should if it were based on his base pay of a PO3.  Now he's a PO2, and his X has never taken him to court to raise child support.  First, she can't because she never paid her attorney the $3000 bill she ran up.  Second, the amount is about right now, and our son and we are generous when it comes to the girls.  She knows not to fight anymore. 

Our son gave away his furniture, but it wasn't anything wonderful.  The few things that he did keep, he put in storage.  Of course, being in Guam, your son would have to pay for shipping it back to the States, so best to sell it.

 

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on January 5, 2012 at 6:30pm

Denise, probably not realistic since you're in KS and the X is in VA, but the judge did tell my son's X that she had to let us have the kids twice a month so that he could communicate with them via phone and Skype since she would not do it. That's six years ago.  The X has been married two more times, has 2 more kids, and let's us have the kids pretty much when we want them now.

Our son also has it in the decree that he gets them when he's home on leave.  They're on fairly good terms now.  The beginning of December the older girl had to have her tonsils out.  He came home and drove his daughter, X, and X mother-in-law to the hospital and was allowed to visit his daughter after the surgery at her house.  I thought that was a real break through!  The only thing he said to me was "why do I have to take the X m-i-l?"  I said she's a grandma like me, so grit your teeth and do it.  I was in Texas while all this happened, but it all turned out good.

Maybe the other grandma is willing to keep pictures of your son for the little guy or allow your son to call when she has him.  It takes a long time, but things do get better.  I don't understand why these young women are so angry--they, for the most part, are the ones who left our sailors! 

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on September 2, 2011 at 9:47pm

I agree, $700 seems like a lot for one child.  My son has to pay 28% of his pay--it was supposed to be of base pay, but the judge didn't understand the pay slip.  Nevertheless, it's less than $700 and he has two kids. 

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on August 2, 2011 at 10:42pm

Even though my son had a receipt for every penny he gave his wife, the judge went back to the date the divorce was filed, so she made out like a bandit for an additional six months or so. I don't remember exactly how long. He should have filed for separation immediately.

Things have been good as far as his kids until recently. We haven't seen our granddaughters for over a month. The ex wouldn't answer the phone or my text messages till today. I get to pick them up tomorrow at noon and have them home by 9 tomorrow night. Very weird, but the girls will tell me what's going on!

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on July 25, 2011 at 9:51am

My son had payslips of -0- for a couple months until things got straightened out.  He was actually in negative numbers that he had to pay back when things got straightened out.  He had an apt, but gave that up.  All he could afford to do was live on the ship that was docked at the time. He was ordered to pay a year's worth of maintenance or until his ex was married or living with someone.  She was married in three months from the divorce date, but it took a couple more months to get the maintenance stopped.  If I had been her, I'd have waited the year--how dumb to give up the free money, but it was good for him.  Make sure there's an ending date for the maintenance.  The divorce ended up costing more than it should have because she contested a bunch of material things like furniture from a church charity that he gave back when she left him.  I'm actually the one who got the divorce--my husband and I paid for most of it, and I was power of attorney.  Since he was in Virginia, he came back twice for court dates only.  The key is finding a good attorney. 

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