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Navy Moms of Divorced Sailors/Unmarried Sailors with Kids
Information
Has your sailor been through a divorce while serving our country? Does your sailor have kids without parental rights? Here's a place to offer and find resources, compare experiences, vent.
Members: 13
Latest Activity: Jul 11, 2013
Discussion Forum
Helping Kids of Divorced Sailors
Started by Ruth, Gun's Mom. Last reply by Kristi McFadden Dec 7, 2008. 1 Reply 0 Likes
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Comment
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Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on July 24, 2011 at 10:53pm
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The Navy, as far as my experience goes, will not get involved in a divorce. We asked around and luckily found a military friendly attorney. The judge would not grant joint custody because our son is in the military. No fighting it in Illinois. The biggest fight was over child support because the judge couldn't understand the pay slip. until we got that straightened out, my son was paying $1200 a month, and that was 5 years ago.
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Take a look at militaryonesource.com. There are so many good sources there to help our sailors, us, and the kids. When I get home from Girls State, I'll write more.
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Because our granddaughters live near us, the judge didn't make it formal, but told our ex dil that the girls should be at our house two weekends a month minimum so their daddy could have phone contact with them. In the beginning, she was very rigid about it, but now we get them almost anytime we want. It was so cute when I took the older one to Junior Auxiliary camp last week--she wore one of her dad's camo caps a lot of the week. They are so close. Amazingly, though they really only spent the first two years of her life, she is SO much like her dad--mannerisms, expressions.
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Becky, my advice is first, to be patient and pray a lot! It's taken quite a while for my ex dil to come around, but I just returned from a week at American Legion Junior Auxiliary camp with my nine year old granddaughter. The ex text messaged me while we were there with a message I could hardly believe! She thanked me for doing so much for my two granddaughters and that I was the best! We have a pretty good relationship now, so all those prayers and patience did work!
If you haven't, sign up and check out www.militaryonesource.com They have tons of resources for everything and anything connected surviving in a military family. You can even call a counselor for free. It's all confidential. I recently had a Navy chief tell me he uses them all the time for a variety of reasons--child care advice, moving advice, relationship advice, insurance and financial advice. I can't begin to list every resource they offer.
I'm here and there for the next month, so if I don't respond right away, I will be around. Stay strong!
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I'm here! I will take time to catch up tomorrow.
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Hopefully, things will get better as time passes. We have a pretty good relationship with my son's ex now. He doesn't want to deal with her even now, but for whatever reason, she is cooperative. Keep the relationship going with the other grandma!
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Denise, things will change, but it will take time. My ex DIL lets us have my son's girls anytime now. Yesterday, I got a call--Granny, can you come get us? We took them just for the day. Things changed because "she" remarried and had two more. Now she has a 2,3,5, and 8 year old. And no husband again. She's glad to give us the girls, the two little ones get pawned off, and she goes out. Or she just has two to deal with that take naps. I was told it would change, and we didn't believe it, but it sure does.
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Diana, I just sent you a friend request with a message, but got cut off. Because our son gave us power of attorney, we did almost everything that had to be done. He came home for the final hearing, but that was all. Our attorney was great--very pro military, so even though there were times I thought he wasn't doing something right, he ended up being smart and right.
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Diana, sounds familiar! My cautious advice is for your son to go to legal and ask. The Navy won't do the divorce, but they can maybe give him some information. Attorneys usually meet you for free the first time, so that's a possibility, too. I hope he's taken her name off the accounts. He can wait it out maybe--let her file where she is. No kids, and being in the Navy, no money. Should be easy. If she won't come back and wants a divorce, there's someone else. She'll cooperate to get what she wants.
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I can't remember what it's called right now, but if or when Brandon is deployed, there's a motion his attorney can file to stop all legal action until he returns. As much as he wants this over, he probably needs to be involved in the settlement.
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