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Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on June 4, 2009 at 4:20pm

If they aren't divorced, is there any court order that says he can't take him out of state? That would probably cause trouble--I'm just asking, not suggesting he do that.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on June 2, 2009 at 8:48pm

After years of ugly phone calls, excuses, and lies by the wife, then ex wife, I saw something tonight, I never thought I'd see! My son took time off to drive three hours to see his oldest bridge from Daisies to Brownies. He and his ex-wife were there at the same time and all was calm and friendly. Finally, they put it all behind them for the two girls. Miracles do happen!

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on June 2, 2009 at 2:49pm

Denise, I apologize for my lengthy response that became more about me than your situation. I feel your heartbreak though. Vent anytime and know that there are moms here who understand.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on June 2, 2009 at 9:57am

This is the place to vent! I've done it, we all have. My heart goes out to you and your son. But the most important person in this is Austin. Brandon will have to spend every minute he can with him so he bonds. Laws are probably different in every state. In Illinois the judges will not grant joint custody to military parents. Our judge did tell the ex that she had to continue letting us have the girls two weekends a month because it was the only chance they had to communicate with their daddy when he was in Virginia, the Persian Gulf, Afghanistan. He always called three or four times a day when we had them. Now he's at Great Lakes and we're continuing the two weekends, but his ex is much more cooperative than she used to be. We get them for almost three weeks to visit great grandma in Tucson this month. Their daddy will join us there for part of the time. You might be able to find out what the child custody and grandparent rights are in Georgia if you google it. We have no grandparent rights in Illinois, but at least the judge realized it was important for the girls' lives to see us. Maybe the lawyer there can get the judge to order visitation for you, too. 18 months is not too young to travel!

My son's divorce decree says he gets them on any weekend he's home on leave plus one day a week. That made us angry because it should be all the time he's home on leave! I hope your son fights for that. Since my son is now closer and can get home often, plus his ex remarried and having two more babies, she's more lenient in letting him have them. Things aren't perfect, but time has made some things better.

I do remember sleepless nights and tears when I missed the girls so much. Lots of prayers--I can't tell you how many prayer chains we've been included in! The bonding is so important when they are little, so tell Brandon to keep fighting. And you've got my prayers.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on March 27, 2009 at 6:42am

How's everyone doing? How are your sailors? Mine is settled into his duty at Great Lakes, taught his first class on Thursday. He seems to be happy now. His little girls got to spend a long weekend with us (Friday afternoon till Tuesday afternoon!) which is very different. He joined us for my dad's 87th birthday party.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on January 14, 2009 at 7:38pm

I know how it feels to have the weight lifted! What a blessing to have a wonderful judge. You all have the right to celebrate! As a mom you can write a letter to the judge, you know.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on December 19, 2008 at 10:56am

To answer your question about my granddaughters--the court finally ordered the ex to let us have them twice a month since that is the only way Andy can communicate with them. Actually, since then, the ex has been really decent to us. The older one who is almost 7 reminds me a lot of her daddy. The younger one who is almost 4, is my daughter all over. I call her little Katie sometimes because she's so much like her at that age. She makes me laugh a lot. She can get into things and make a mess in the blink of an eye! If the weather lets us, I'll be picking them up late this aftenoon. Sunday we're going to a local dinner theater for brunch and to see Snow White. We try to give them experiences that mom can't--no money, no job, two other babies, a husband that seems nice, but probably an unskilled laborer. They are very secretive, so we don't really know what he does--construction, roofing? The girls really don't know, and we try not to pump them for information. The ex recently invited me to help with Daisy Scouts if I wanted, so she's letting us in more. I also can go have lunch at the school with G anytime I want now.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on December 19, 2008 at 10:44am

Could this be a Christmas miracle? I think so! I think the chaplain might have had something to do with it--seems like too much coincidence. Maybe James was embarrassed and thought you'd not be open to him, so you taking the first step might have triggered this. Whatever did, how wonderful! I hope communication continues and you have a wonderful, wonderful Christmas and New Year!!!

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on December 18, 2008 at 6:45pm

I hope it isn't awful to wish for a divorce! Glad you joined us, Karen. When I started Navy Families in the Quad-Cities, a few of us would laugh that we had two things in common--sons in the Navy--who made poor choices in women. I said that at a meeting of veterans and military support sort of as a joke. One man came up to me afterwards almost in tears. He told me his recruiter-son married a woman with three kids and she'd systematically cut the rest of the family out of the son's life. Things, I think, now are better for that family, but it's taken a lot of work especially since the son now lives in NY. One of our Navy families here helped plan a wedding for when the son was home on leave. The groom caught his new wife talking to her boyfriend on their wedding night! He was in front of a judge for an annulment that Monday. At least we aren't alone in this craziness! Karen, your story sounds so much like ours in that we did everything to help our son's wife. I can't tell you how much we gave her in phone bills, phones, food, etc. Our best investment was when we helped pay for the divorce! At least now finally, she's started to be decent to us and for that we are grateful.

Comment by Ruth, Gun's Mom on December 17, 2008 at 9:44am

Hooray! If there aren't kids involved, they should be able to walk away and never look back. No drama while my son was home, but he's got a girl in every "port," it seems! I keep telling him he hasn't met HER yet. Did you watch the new TV show last night, Mamas' Boys? It's totally stupid, but I was sucked in. Some of the girls were not what I want my son to bring home, but I don't want to be one of those moms either!

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