Being a Nuke Mom is hard work!!

[becciquilter]

Just when I think I have all my problems licked, up comes another!  Some of you may remember me as the Mom who hadn't heard from her sailor (bless his little heart) for over 6 months.  I'm the mom who emailed the base mediators (several times) and then wrote the base commander - twice.  Um, ok - so I now know better!  But if I had to do it all over again, would I?  Um, er, (blush) let's address that another day!

 

My sailor is up in Ballston Spa and graduation date is rapidly approaching.  Our communication has still been sketchy, but when he rings up, he sounds like his old self.  He's called when he was driving home in a snowstorm and just wanted someone to talk to while he navigated dark, icy roads (I'm not sure which of us had the whitest knuckles though!)  He has a hands free system in his car and just wanted a voice to help him stay calm while trying to get home!  I would never encourage anyone to drive and talk, but it wasn't the time to say "Get off the phone!!"  I'm thinking of drinking Miss Clariol to see if it will cover the white hair quicker!!  Yikes!!  On the one hand, I didn't want to encourage the talking while driving.  But on the other hand, I recognized the need for a calm voice when it was most needed.  Double Whammy - but we got through it!!

 

He's told his sister how difficult Prototype is and how the hours are long and draining.  He said he just wants to finish and move on. 

 

I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who's prayed with me that our relationship with our son would be restored and that God's Will be done.  Thank you ---

 

And he even called me on my birthday this year to wish me a Happy Birthday and that he missed me.  I didn't think it would make up for last year's fiasco, but I was wrong!  It was so nice to hear the boy I raised had turned into a decent human being!! 

 

By the way - when I ask specific questions about the exams and so forth, he says "Man, that Navy Mom site has way to much information!!"  But he answers the questions!

 

Have an awesome week everyone and again:  THANK YOU!

 

becci

[Binker & Bro: 2X Nuke Mom]

hey quiltie! your first paragraph just made sense and I thought you would enjoy this: you have an eagle? how wonderful. My Binker went to summer camp 5 times, worked one summer on the shotgun range with the instructor (who never had a good thing to say about anyone) and declared Binker to be the best assistant he ever had. What rank did my arrow of light, best assistant ever, cross country sojourn-taking boy ascend to? tenderfoot. would never go have a scoutmaster conference because he didnt like talking to adults. almost drove me nuts. still does.

[Lisa (MMNuke Mom)]

My Nuke has always been a smart alec. I can remember one day when he was about 10, and giving me a particularly hard time, I looked at him and said (with my best Wicked Witch of the West impression) - "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!" He just looked at me and said "Mom, we don't even have a dog."  Ugh!

 

 

[becciquilter]

Ok - here's one for you:  Our dog of 13 years passed away.  I knew the kids would take it pretty bad, so I said that God looked down from heaven and said "Sandy, you're such a great dog.  Come on up here with me."  Nuke Boy said "oh that's so gross.  Why would God want a dead dog?"

 

b

[Lisa (MMNuke Mom)]

lol - the way their minds work just cracks me up!

[Binker & Bro: 2X Nuke Mom]

Dear Mommas missing their babies,

 

I know its not much comfort when we are worrying about our sons and daughters, but remember that our ability to monitor their lives, almost 24 hours a day, in some ways drives us crazy because historically it is unusual and in many ways a bit unnatural. When my two brothers and I left for basic training in the air force a few years ago, my mom was lucky to get a call once a week or once every two weeks because long distance was so expensive.

 

Because I saw my life as day in and day out the same, I seldom wrote either. I cannot imagine how painful it must have been not to know what was happening during the good and the bad. How did she handle me sobbing on the phone about some event that I could not control and have to continue worrying without knowing whether I was better or not? The trauma must have been horrible, especially considering how intimate my parents had been in the day to day running of my very sheltered childhood. I'm sure having my daddy in the military helped her through it, as my having been in the military helps me get through Binker's experience.

 

I still have the call on my phone where Bink called from Boot, and I didnt get the call. The pain of not being able to get ahold of me crushes his voice. Yet, I remember making that same phone call and having the operator desperately try to find ANYONE I knew who might have been home since cell phones didnt exist and momma and daddy couldnt sit around everyday waiting for me to call. I finally ended up talking with the kind operator who reassured me that my family cared and loved me even though no one answered the phone.

 

I know for some of us, this kind of story doesnt help, but I think learning to turn loose of the pain of not being the major player in our kids' lives allows us to rejoice over the little joys we get during those brief moments. As a high school teacher (in my third life), I see the same kind of parent rejection occurring as these young people attempt to launch themselves into adult life. While they want us there, they need us to not be so that they can spread their wings and find the person we have prepared them to become.

 

Be patient and less heartsick, my dear fellow moms. Right now, they just need room to grow. Their lives have become journeys many never expected to take. Give yourselves pats on the back, allow yourselves to have little pitty parties, console yourselves with the crumbs you get. But never forget, you are the oasis along the road and all travelers need to stop and recharge their souls many times during their sojourn in the desert.

 

hugs my friends!

De

[ChrisNukeEMmom]

Beautifully written.  Thanks for the words of encouragement. Just what I needed to hear.

 

[Binker & Bro: 2X Nuke Mom]

you take care of yourself Chris--and hop on over to one of the other nuke sites and have a cake ball or two or three or four! You know the thought just occurred to me that you might look into the thread for writing to recruits in BC who dont have anyone to write them. Maybe taking care of another child will help you deal with your own not wanting to need you right now. A thought. . . .

[nvmomma]

lol :)

[Binker & Bro: 2X Nuke Mom]

A thought for all you mommas who have kiddos who think they don't need you right now.  I get requests for writing to a new recruit almost once a day. There are lots of our youngsters who dont have a Navy Mom to care for them. Perhaps taking care of another sailor who has no one might help deal with those persnickety little " I don't need my mommie right now" sailors! Here's the N4M connection name. You have to request to be a member since they send out names that are not encrypted (in order to be able to write the young man or woman). Highly recommend this group for getting the mommy-fix and feeling really good about yourself. ConnieC (Ship 09 Div 213) to all members of ANSWER_Adopt a Noble Sailor Write Every Recruit on Navy For Moms!

[Kris, Stevens mom]

Moms - thank you all, it helps to have people who understand.  Its a good thing we all have each other!!  Wouldnt it be great to have a whole N4M meet & greet!!

I am in the process of trying to organize one for Wisconsin moms.

 

[becciquilter]

I've been re-reading all the posts on here and have decided that God, in His infinite wisdom, put me in touch with some truly awesome people.  I've been lifted up many times from reading the Nuke Moms site, and the Ballston Spa site.  Now that my nuke is finished with Proto and has been assigned to a sub, I've found another site!  I've learned to listen and really Listen to what everyone is saying.  Some of the stories that were sent here were real tear jerkers, but the author wasn't looking for sympathy - just explaining the events in her Nuke's life.

 

I've realized that a lot of the hurts we moms have had are because the hurt-er doesn't realize how much it hurts the hurt-ee.  I've cried and laughed so much from everyone.  I relish with delight the sound of awe in my son's voice when he realized that I knew a lot of what was going on from the Navy for Mom's site.  Now when he acknowledges my questions, he'll sigh and say "I know - what does the Navy for Mom's say?"

 

I still think though that I need to go up North and pinch his little head off.  If for no other reason, I think it'll make me feel better.  You see, I asked the little stinker, aka Nuke Boy, for his mailing address.  He said he didn't want to get any mail as he would have to carry it from the sub to his barracks.  I'm sorry - are we talking about carrying a letter for 4 miles, through the snow, up the mountain, and across the river and dodge the lava flow?  Huh?  So I'm going to Victoria's Secret and ordering something that will come in a really big Pink Box with their logo on it.  As soon as I get his address, I'll mail it.  Or at least entertain the idea of mailing it.  What do you think?

[becciquilter]

I was debating sending a letter to "Pookie"!  But you made a really good point about the box.  Don't want to do anything that could be unforgivable and since he's trying so hard to be just like everyone else, it would be the straw that broke the camel's back.  But I can still dream about it, right?

 

So glad I was able to make you laugh!  Life sometimes is just so sucky, its hard to find those laughs.  Nuke Boy likes to tell about me yelling at a homeless man (he was sprawled across my car taking a nap) until the fellow gave me money to quit yelling.  For some reason, I guess I just don't look like I would yell at people.  If he tells the story in my presence, folks always give me a side ways look and he finishes with "And just think......SHE raised me!!!"  Still not sure what the point is, but it seems to garner him a lot of sympathy.  Maybe I should start practicing an evil leer or something.  I guess I'll learn to cackle too! 

 

Have an awesome weekend!  (I thought yesterday was Friday and couldn't figure out why my alarm went off this morning!!)

 

b