Is this for real?

[ZoFee]

My son is now in upstate New York waiting for class to begin. He's said that basically the US government can't afford to turn on the reactor they are suppose to be studying so he's basically in a holding pattern and I think feeling a bit depressed. If he was learning something he would be fine but just waiting and not knowing when class will start or if it will start is taking it's toll. Up to this point he has not found it to be terribly challenging maybe because life in general has been for us.His test scores were the highest in the state. I've never had to worry about him getting good grades or doing homework. My son is very smart and probably could have gone to any university he wanted on a scholarship but wasn't sure what he wanted to study as of yet. He thought this would be a good thing to do in the meantime but is having second thoughts do to current circumstances. I've read another nuke mom comparing the school to medical school but my son has not at any point to date felt particularly challenged or overwhelmed by the program.My son has been a sailor since the age of five and stood watch  on a boat through the night since the age of 12 as needed on various sails. If any of you have ever been sailing especially on the ocean long distance you know that sometimes you don't get a break for days on end and other times you sit and wait and wait and wait for the wind, so I don't think the waiting or the course load is an issue so much as the question as to what will happen and is this normal? Mostly he just wants to get on with it to move forward to something that may indeed be a challenge for him. Unlike many others all my son and I have is each other. We have no extended family and such to help with things like this. He wanted to take leave to come home for Mom's day but they are not allowed. Is this normal for them to be waiting indefinitely for school to start?

[susank]

I hear your frustration but there is nothing you can do about it. Keep the faith and stay positive for your son! He needs a place to vent and you have to be his rock. Sorry it might sound harsh but it is what it is. Hugs to you!

[bethr311]

Hi, ZoFee. Yep, prototype is a different kettle of fish from A and power school. My son did well in those but is struggling now. He's been in it since January and was supposed to be done around July but that won't happen. I was thinking, and maybe I'm wrong, but in BC the Navy broke our sailors down and rebuilt them. Could the challenge of prototype be that they have to break down and rebuild themselves?

My worry is increased by the fact that it seems my son is keeping us at a distance. You wise Navy moms say I have to let him have his space, and I do. But damn is it hard. He's shy, doesn't make friends easily, and I think spends too much time at home alone. I want to make it better for him and I can't!

Is there a chaplain at BS?

[ZoFee]

Hang in there bethr311. My son is very solitary at times but is not shy. He enjoys being by himself. In fact when he came home last year and brought a friend  as much as he  liked his friend's company for the most part he didn't realize that when you bring someone to San Francisco the first time you kind of have to be a tour guide. The next visit he came alone.          

    I wouldn't worry too much about your son. Being okay being by yourself is a good thing that many young people don't know how to deal with..I've noticed this with some of my sons friends when in high school. The ones that didn't know how to be by themselves seemed to get into more trouble than others always needing to be entertained When your son does meet people and make friends they will probably be real friends that he will know for years. Being outgoing and popular is a fragile thing that can change anytime. Being okay by yourself will let you be more okay around others and less likely to follow someone down the wrong road for the sake of being popular. He is also probably just occupied with learning and that can be a good thing too. Better busy than bored.

[SlezaksMom]

As many of the crusty Navy vets in the have said several times since I joined the group last year: the process is to make nukes who will be successful in the fleet. And it WORKS.

Unfortunately, not everyone who wants to be a Nuke has the physical, mental and emotional capacity to meet the rigors of the job. My son recently told me that he's tougher than he ever thought he was. Candidly? He's tougher than I thought he was, too! He is a sensitive guy and was worried about the "social" aspect of prototype. Coming from a long line of flame-throwing extroverts, I struggled to understand that, but I heard the anxiety it caused him, so I was worried, too. So far so good, but he is still in the pipeline and they all know that they can "wash out" at any time. It's top of mind for me, for him... It's stressful.

For me? I want a happy, successful kid. There are times during this process where I feel like the two desires for our sailors are in opposition. And if I feel it from hundreds of miles away, I can't imagine how torn my son feels!!

So, when I talk to my son I treat it in 3rds: 1/3 I talk about what's going on with me/family; 1/3 about studies/prototype/roommates/etc.; & 1/3 the rest of the world -- be it friends, movies, news, gossip...basically silliness. It helps him remember that while this process is all-consuming, it's still not everything.

To keep myself from going crazy, I verify what he says that worries or concerns me here.

ZoFee: it's true they are delayed and have yet another class waiting to start. Yes, delays are common, but this is a "prefect storm" of a series of unfortunate events not a "lack of money" to turn the reactor back on. They are over-budget for the year, but as I understand it that's because they are custom-machining parts for the reactor. Not to fear! The Navy wants your son to train up and ship out! :)

Bethr: there are CO's but I don't think there are chaplains. :( I would say that maybe your son could talk to a supervisor or someone up the chain of command? It may be that there is an alternative to the chaplain? Maybe he could email the chaplain from Goose Creek?

Susank: spot on, excellent advice as usual!

[ZoFee]

Susan, thank you for the info. I had a feeling this kind of thing is part of the norm, my son will make it through it. I think he's still waiting to be really challenged in life, so far the studying and all else have not been much of an issue to him. I am fortunate in having had one of the all time easiest kids to raise and easiest people to get along with for family. He likes school and learning so I think his frustration is just wanting to be doing more of that. To be honest he can use a bit of the boring mundane side of things, cleaning, doing dishes, whatever they have him doing. He's used to the rigors and physical demands. He's been a sailor since he was five and wore me out the first sail. After 13 hours at the helm he still wanted more! lol. I will probably be visiting him soon and I think it will help, homesick for mom's strange point of view and sense of humor. thanks again for the reassurance. I will follow your lead in verifying things here. There being no money may not be the cause but it's usually something just as mundane holding things up in life.. Patience is not easy for the young. 

[bethr311]

Thanks, ZoFee. You're right; as an only child he's comfortable in his own company. And his best friend from high school is like a brother.

[bethr311]

And before my phone dies, thank you all for your support :)

[NancyJo (NNPTC)]

This conversation fascinated me and underscored that all our sailors are so different, coming from different life experiences,individuals all being trained to do the same thing. We moms are different too but still all love our kids and worry. It's a sisterhood, alright.

Bottom line, needs of the navy. Navy needs our sailors proficient on the reactors to keep our fleet ready. Forget deadlines, forget long-range plans, forget what we or our kids want. Navy rules. My son just hit his four year anniversary yesterday. Stress and worry are part of the gig for parents and sailors both. Sounds kind of cold sometimes but there you are.

[ZoFee]

yeah it's the boring mundane stuff that's the real challenge. At least I know that there are other people watching over him and that's a big plus when you can't be there yourself. Thanks everyone.

 Zo