Son ignores phone calls/letters from home....

[becciquilter]

My son started school in October and we didn't hear anything from him until he came home for Christmas.  I made him "pinky swear" that he would stay in closer contact.  While I know school is demanding and keeping him busy, could it really keep him so busy that he wouldn't call home for my birthday?  I knew I would get a phone call on Mother's Day, but so far haven't heard a word.

 

Is this normal behavior?  He hasn't contacted anyone from home.  I've checked the cell phone records and he's only called Papa John's (no relative!!!)  I'm planning a trip to Goose Creek around the first of June to try to find his carcass. I've gone from being upset to just plain old mad!  If he's this bad about communicating, what's it going to be like later?

 

p.s. This isn't the first time he's been away from home.  When he went out of state to college, he was better about staying in touch.  Of course, those phone calls were necessary if he wanted to keep the $$ in his school account.

 

What should I do?  What would you do or what have you done to reach your sailor?  I had written a letter to the Commanding Officer a month ago, but didn't receive an answer from him either. I am grateful that we haven't had a real emergency or death in the family or this would have really driven me off the deep end.

 

Also, what do you tell people when they ask how's he doing? I've had a great family friend send him cookies a couple of times and she's never heard if he's even eaten them. My last package was returned as he wouldn't/couldn't get to the Post Office to pick it up.

 

Help!!

 

Becci

[becciquilter]

I'll go back to writing. Thanks for the ideas. You've helped me more than you realize!!
b

[Chris]

becciquilter,

Your feelings are completely justified. Your son has no excuse. I'd call the NNPTC Ombudsman and the Chaplain. I'd be surprised if you didn't hear from him. My son has been a Nuke ET for four years. Three at a training command (prototype). I heard from him less than I would have liked, but often enough to know how he was doing. Keep in mind I'm a dad, and my free advice is worth every penny you paid for it. I hope you hear from your son soon.

[Marybeth]

That reminds me - I just got a letter a few weeks ago from Command, saying that if ever we thought our Nuke's needed help for us to reach out. I hope the hubby didn't get rid of it... I'll look for it tonight and post here later (one way or the other)....

[becciquilter]

Did I tell you that I wrote an email to the Ombudsman? She forwarded the email to his chief. sigh!

[Marybeth]

Sorry you are going thru this. The A Schooling is very intense, and if he's struggling then he has mandatory study hours on top of that. That makes for a very long day for them - like 5 am. to 9 or 10 pm.

I echo what the others have said, especially using Facebook and even text messages to keep in touch. My Nuke is about 4 months away from finishing prototype, and those are still our primary modes of communication. Knowing how intense the program is/was for him, I kept my communication very light, giving him time to concentrate on his studies.

I hope your son comes around soon. Good luck.

[BLW]

Becci - I sent you a friendship request. (I think, I am also not very good at this computer stuff!)
If you accept it, we can have private conversations and I can see if my son knows yours.

Don't worry about a "pity party". I think you earned it!

[becciquilter]

I just saw the message and accepted the invitation. I just rescheduled the pity party for a later date - I've decided I've got too much too do and will have to feel sorry for myself later!!!! LOL

[Dotsy -Chris' Mom Nuke EM]

Way to go Becci.

[MV (Ensign Boone's mom)]

I cannot imagine how hard this would be, Becci! But, you've received some outstanding advice from others, and I ditto it all! I had thought perhaps you could contact one or two of the nuke wives and see if they know your son, or know of him, just to give you a bit of relief that he is alive and functioning! :-) When my son left for college, he rarely contacted us; my husband and I would leave messages on his cell to no avail...then we got wise! We would add something like, "Let us know how much $$$ you need this week..." or something like that, and THEN we would get a call! LOL! I think there is something to young men separating from moms, and also in general, men do not communicate the way we as women do, so your son just may not realize you how much need/want to hear from him. And if helps, my son nearly always forgot Mother's Day (unless prompted by his dad!)...I'll be thinking about you, and praying you'll hear soon!

[becciquilter]

Oh - thank you so much for your words!!! I'm already feeling more in control - even though I haven't had any word. Just knowing that someone else truly "gets" what I'm feeling has made me feel so much better. I did check my cell phone records and know that Matt isn't checking his voice mail, so I stopped taking it "personal" that he's not calling. He's not returning anyone's calls. While I'm not happy about that, at least I know its not because "mom doesn't understand".

I'm still planning a trip to Charleston/GC the first weekend in June to site see. There's a few places I've been wanting to go see. If I can arrange to see Matt, that would just be the icing on the cake. I'm hoping for a miracle.

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

Becci- I sent you a friend request. I agree with Chris, that you should consider contacting the Ombudsman at Goose Creek. This is ran by Officer's wives ( I believe). This happened between me and my son and I contacted them via email and they got word to his Command to have him call home. It was the weekend, but he called home on Monday. Here is the link (as I'd hate for you to go up there and not know what is going on).
NNPTC Command Ombudsman: [e-mail] Just email them and say that you haven't heard from your son and you are worried about him and want to make sure he is okay before you make the trip up. It will be fine. Just curious- how old is your son? All my best!
Cindy

[becciquilter]

Cindy - he's 22. I found out that Brenda's son is one of his suitemates. Her son told him how disrespectful it was not to call home. Still haven't heard anything - but I'm guessing he's ticked off that Mom is telling his friends to have him call. I guess he's letting some of that male pride interfer ("no one is going to tell ME what to do!") I'm just guessing that's what's going on. He wasn't like that at home - my husband thinks this is his way of asserting his independence.
Thanks for the email link. I'm now going to use it - Matt's had plenty of opportunities to touch base and at least I know he's still alive!!!!! I'm still planning on going to Charleston/GC. I hope he doesn't let his pride stand in the way of a free dinner. Maybe I'll invite the suitemates!!!

Please tell me what happened with your son and why you contacted the ombudsman. Thank you too for the encouragement - I've started to dread going to church because everyone there always asks how he's doing. Then they want to know why I haven't heard from him. Yikes!!
becci