Son ignores phone calls/letters from home....

[becciquilter]

My son started school in October and we didn't hear anything from him until he came home for Christmas.  I made him "pinky swear" that he would stay in closer contact.  While I know school is demanding and keeping him busy, could it really keep him so busy that he wouldn't call home for my birthday?  I knew I would get a phone call on Mother's Day, but so far haven't heard a word.

 

Is this normal behavior?  He hasn't contacted anyone from home.  I've checked the cell phone records and he's only called Papa John's (no relative!!!)  I'm planning a trip to Goose Creek around the first of June to try to find his carcass. I've gone from being upset to just plain old mad!  If he's this bad about communicating, what's it going to be like later?

 

p.s. This isn't the first time he's been away from home.  When he went out of state to college, he was better about staying in touch.  Of course, those phone calls were necessary if he wanted to keep the $$ in his school account.

 

What should I do?  What would you do or what have you done to reach your sailor?  I had written a letter to the Commanding Officer a month ago, but didn't receive an answer from him either. I am grateful that we haven't had a real emergency or death in the family or this would have really driven me off the deep end.

 

Also, what do you tell people when they ask how's he doing? I've had a great family friend send him cookies a couple of times and she's never heard if he's even eaten them. My last package was returned as he wouldn't/couldn't get to the Post Office to pick it up.

 

Help!!

 

Becci

[algerine]

Thanks, Cindy. I have realized that I may go and never see them if the timing is off. They don't return my calls now, so I'm not sure why they would if I were calling from the same town. I know it's a chance, but this situation is driving me crazy. I have no idea why he's acting like this. The worst part is doing nothing. If I get the courage up - and I find a good deal on a flight - I'll go for it. Anyway - thanks so much!!!!

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

Algerine- is your son in contact with any other family members or friends from back home? If you could find someone that he is communicating with- maybe they could talk to him about this situation. I'm sure you have already thought of this- but just throwing it out there. I feel for you! I can only imagine how confused you are with not having any idea why he isn't returning your phone calls. Best of luck to you- whatever you decide. Any idea what class he is in or when he graduates? Maybe you could attend his graduation. But, he would have to put you on his list for graduation and then he'd have to bring you a parking pass for he base the night before. Here is another idea for you....if you have his mailing address, maybe you could send the couple a gift certificate to have a nice dinner out somewhere along with a nice card. Maybe they'd call you to thank you. I'm not sure if we are friends on here or not. I'll send you a friend request, if not. ((HUGS))
Cindy

[becciquilter]

Algerine - your son must be related to Matt!!!! :( Mucho sorry!! Do you know his graduation date? I can't figure out why his wife didn't return the phone calls. That's just strange!

Hey Cindy - I didn't know about the parking passes. I hope that old poop puts us on the list!!! I have our reservations at Foster Creek and they're all paid for.

I'll talk with you all later. Keep ujs posted, Algerine. We've got you on the prayer list and want to know what happends next. Hope you get to see your son when you fly up.

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

Becci and Algerine- YES, they MUST put you on the guest list and they check your IDs at the gate. The main thing is that they have to give you a parking pass that they don't get until the day before graduation. My son brought ours to our hotel. You keep it on your dash board on the driver's side. He must give the list of people (very specific- they have to have your middle name, too). I think they do this about a month before graduation. Let them know that you WILL BE THERE and to put you on the list and make arrangements to get that parking pass the night before. Get there early to avoid the car line up. I think we got there at around 7:30 am and we scored front row seats! The sailors are walking around and can visit before the ceremony begins.

[Kris, Stevens mom]

this is probably silly but if we got an invitation that means we are on the list to get in right? also our son plans on letting us use his car I think, hopefully that wont be a problem.

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

I'm sure your sailor put you on the list- but call him to make sure. My son called me to make sure he had our middle names (or initials) as well. He will get a parking pass the night before graduation, so make sure you can get in touch with him to get that. Using his car should not be any problem. We took our son onto base housing so that he could borrow a friend's car to move his things out. They have to be moved out the night before graduation usually. He can stay with you at your hotel the night before graduation and store his belonging in your car or hotel room.

[Kris, Stevens mom]

thanks Cindy

[AuntofJon]

Does anyone know how many people can go the Power school graduation? There is a bunch of us that want to go.

[Pat L. in IL]

AuntofJon, There isn't a limit UNLESS it rains. Then only 2 family members can go inside for the ceremony due to space constraints.

[AuntofJon]

Pat- thank you. There was 6 of us at BC grad and now we could have a possibility of 15. Everyone wants to see him grad and then do some vacationing in Charleston.

[becciquilter]

Update to the Update -- as most of you know, I am not the most patient person in the world. I had waited several months of the silence before I started chaffing at not hearing from my Nuke. When I did hear from him, it was with veiled hostility - mostly because of the steps I had taken to establish a communication link.

I had written earlier that when he finally called home, his tone was disrespectful and his choice of words were amost a dare to correct him. I managed to stay calm and kept my tone level and light (a schoolteacher would have been very proud!). When he commented on my attempting to contact the base commander, my comment was "that would just show you that I love you enough to move heaven and earth". Our conversation ended, not in a bad way, but not in the most positive way either.

I've been making notes on all the advice given me and decided I would follow as much as I could within reason. I wrote my son a note once a week about the activities of our dog. You would have to meet the dog to understand, that many a family legend has been born due to the dog!! If I found a funny card, I would mail it and tell him that I had to buy the card or get booted out of the store. The notes and cards were always light and amusing. I thought a lot about what Laura had said and mentioned in one of the notes that I was being so busy that I would pass myself on the stairs and wasn't sure if I was coming or going.

Monday night he called home and sounded like the man I had hugged goodbye on the drive way right after Christmas. He thanked me for the cards and the stories. He said "you don't have to be encouraging all the time - I know how you and Dad feel about me". I had to say "so really, WHO is this?!!!" He chuckled and unless he's an awesome actor, he was his old self.

He talked about the recent tragedies with his sister. She asked him a couple of questions and when he asked her where she got her information, she said "Mom".

His dad talked to him about the Captain's Masting. He said "Dad, how do you know about this?" My husband said "your mom". He then asked his dad how I knew so much and my husband said, "You know your Mom - she knows a lot of people." I had to then explain about the Navy 4 Mom's group.

We talked about the upcoming graduation. Thanks to Cindy, I told him that he would need to get the pass to us the night before graduation. He said "how do you know about that? Oh yeah - the Navy Mom's group!!"

So - long story - this group has helped me in so many ways. I've also met some really wonderful, terrific, awesome ladies through this site. Even though we've only corresponded through here, I feel that I have some of the best friends in the world. I hope those of you who have encouraged, rebuked, scolded, praised me know how much you have helped me grow. And how much I've learned from your candor. And how much I appreciate it.

And so, another chapter is closing as a new one waits to begin.......(sounds like a novel, doesn't it?) My daughter will be moving to NYC in a few weeks and found out her brother will be about 3 hours away. He thinks it's going to be the best adventure any of them will ever have. On that positive note, I will now close.

Thank you dear friends - one and all.........

becciquilter

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

Becci- I feel the same way as you do.......I've made some great friends on here (you included). SO GLAD Matt called home and all is well. I knew he'd come around! Life is good....and you have that awesome Power School graduation to attend that is just around the corner. SMILE and enjoy this "feeling of relief." : )
Cindy