Your New Sailor

[Anti M]

I hope this discussion lets you all know about some of the possible changes in your new sailor, some of the transitions they are making, a place to brag about their newfound skills and traits, a place to voice concerns and potential worries.

First, congratulations.  Second, who I am: born and raised Navy, my dad was a Masterchief, one of the first in his rate, a 3 war vet.  I am ex-Navy myself, married to retired navy; I have a Navy nuke nephew and an ET2 in the fleet (acquired kid).

You sent away a kid for the Navy to turn into a sailor.  They have done so by the time PIR rolls around.  It was a tough and intense eight weeks, and the methods seem inscrutable to some of you.  Having been in boot camp myself, I can tell you  it is very difficult to convey the transformation.  The kid you sent off will return and will be different to some degree.  Some of them will have changed a great deal, others will have changed very little.  But that they have changed is inevitable. They will stand taller!  Most will be far more respectful and polite.  

First. expect them to be a little distant as they readjust to not being told what to do every minute of the day.  Some will be closed off emotionally, that's okay and happens very often.  Expect them to be a little paranoid about following their strict rules. Do respect what boundaries the Navy has set for them.  They have just come off some of the most intense training they will ever experience, many of them have their heads in new places you can't reach.  This is one reason new recruits are normally restricted to base or to a 50 mile radius their PIR weekend.  They aren't ready to readjust to civilian life.  The Navy introduces them back to their privileges slowly, but your sailors will be going on leave right away.  They may be a little lost at first.

Not going home right away is a tactic the Navy uses to keep them steady and on track.  But yours are going home! There will be a number of responses, and some of them are just plain weird.

I have to make lots of generalizations here, because only some of this will be true for some of them.  It is all normal.

They are now adults. Really!  Treat them as such.  Some will fall back into the role of child, but some will either be resentful or will straight up tell you that they can take care of themselves, thanks.  You know your child best, so take every word with a big grain of salt.

Some of them will run off with their friends and neglect their family.  If this is the case, talk to them and let them know it is unacceptable.  Don't overplan their time off, but inform them that there will be certain times you expect them to be present and participating.  

Some will amaze you with their new skills and tidiness.   Others will be the same slobs as ever.  You never know which you will get back.

If they come back with a foul mouth, let them know that home is not the Navy, but MOM is the CO (Commanding Officer) and if they thought Captain's Mast was a scary prospect, Mom Mast will bring them to their knees. Do not put up with bad behavior just because they think they're all grown up.

They will eat too fast. We all do after boot camp. I still do 30 years later.

Be sure your sailor does not drink as instructed.  Even if they are of age, they've not had alcohol for a while, it will hit them hard.  Oddly, the same goes for no driving.  My nephew returned for his father's funeral, and was very reluctant to drive the one time his mom was too upset.  Take the Navy rules seriously, they are there for a reason, even if none of you understand the why of it.

Some of them will have outgrown their friends and may get depressed and lonely for their shipmates.  Some of them will break up with their GF or BF.  Some of the BFs or GFs will break up with them.  Some of them might propose marriage (yikes, huh?).  There may even be a pregnancy or two, don't be afraid to tell them that the Navy expects them to be responsible.

Some will be restless to go back as soon as possible.  This does not mean they don't love you, just that they have become more comfortable with the structured routine and eager to get on with their career.

Some may seem bored or depressed.  PIR is such a high, that going home is an anti-climax.   The slower pace of being at home may be dull.  Don't worry too much, but don't be surprised if that happens. A very few don't want to go back.   They must, there are ways they can adjust or even separate, but going UA is not the solution.

Some of them will come home with bad information about their school and career.  New sailors often don't get the details down straight.  Find a vet here to ask where to get the facts.

Enjoy PIR, enjoy your new sailor, have fun and don't hesitate to ask questions!  I might not know the answers, but I usually know which direction to point you in!

[JessicaB-Sailor Mom]

AntiM This is spot-on...should be posted in every PIR group

[Anti M]

Feel free to steal it!

[phoebe stg2]

Thank you AntiM. What a great name!
My goal for the next 6 to 8 weeks is to make sure I am ready to meet my new son, the adult son. I have joined a group that I hope will help me be prepared for that new sailor. The grown up I knew was in him but hadn't shown up yet. I believe the Navy will bring out the best in him and I hope I'll be the best I can be when he see's me too. So again thank you for your wisdom.

[Anti M]

Anti M = Auntie Em= Aunt Margaret, thanks to my sailor!

[pmgcakes]

Thanks AntiM - I noticed a difference while talking to him yesterday (in a good way) I appreciate your words of wisdom - keep them coming

[Terry_T_Tuckersmom]

thank you Anti M.for the info. I can see my son being the one that will want to go back as soon as he can.He was very anxious to leave the first time.

[jewel]

Thanks, AntiM, for the heads up. A very good overview.

[Betsy, mom of Stennis sailor]

Anti M,

Thank you so much for this. I'm sure the change in them will be quite amazing. I could even see a difference in my son, from the time we dropped him off at the hotel the night before and the time I saw him at MEPS the next day.

I look forward to getting to know, my son, the sailor.

Betsy

[Cindy in Snowy MN]

Thanks again Anti M....As everyone else has said, I already noticed the difference in the phone call home...and the letter sent yesterday! I will be sad if he chooses to spend his leave running around with friends. He's only home for a few days...before off and running, but I guess I will have to share :)!

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom...it is greatly appreciated!

Happy Veteran's Day to you, and all our armed forces!

Cindy