Who to talk to?

[Lorraine66]

Hi all, just wondering if there is someone that the freshman NROTC can talk to in how to handle the stress. I've been talking to my son and he is having a hard time with the mental stress and I don't know what to say anymore. He doesn't want to talk to the freshman NROTC advisor as he doesn't want to show any weakness. Is there support at the schools? I appreciate any help/information. If this is something they just have to deal with, I'd appreciate knowing that too....

[bora's mom]

Lorraine,

My daughter commissioned this spring. I've actually moved on to the next group, following her career path. Your message caught me, brings back so many memories, so familiar. The phone calls that tempted me to hop on a plane. Several moms ask this question every year, many more read the replies with interest. If you have time go back through last September's posts. Same concerns, lots of helpful ideas, suggestions. You and your son are not alone. Assure him he's not the only one feeling the pressure, wondering about ROTC, home sickness, challenging courses. Left friends, family, the familiar. A lot going on.

Your son can talk to the school counselors, not the academic advisors. I'd encourage him to do so. School counselors don't notify ROTC. This time of year their business really picks up. Seeking help not considered a sign of weakness however NROTC class advisors are not skilled counselors.

Keep listening, let him vent. Read the old posts and share them with him. Lots of normal kids felt the same way their first semesters. More challenges coming but you guys aren't alone.

Kris

[Abby's Mom]

Hi Lorraine,  Just like Bora's mom, I was caught by your email...this time last year I heard the same things .... I couldn't agree more with Kris -- keep listening and remind him that the Navy wants to build him in "their" guy -- all a part of the process.  My son was the same way, but we listened a lot, encouraged him to talk to one of the older mids and to seek some support from the school who provides counseling for just these reasons.  Our friends (in the military) also offered to talk to him.  Some reassurance and some time paid off for our son -- he loves his Navy Life - but it is not always perfect.  Just part of the process.  Keep being the mom -- listen and support.  I read A LOT on this site -- great information for all of us. 

Hang in there!

[Jake's Mom]

Lorraine,

I am sorry that your son is feeling so much stress. Such a hard time for a mom as their baby boys mature into men. It is so hard to be the sounding board for insecurities and fears when your son is trying to break away. I know the mentality that he cannot show weakness to his advisor. My son was fortunate to be living on a ROTC floor and although it started with all of them be really tough, many struggled and truly learned to rely on each other for a sense of "family" support.

Jill

[Fran]

Hi Lorraine.  I encouraged my daughter to watch YouTube videos of the Villanova NROTC Fall Review and Swearing In (they are dated), but I said it gives her an idea of what she is aiming for.  Also, if they look at the VIllanova NROTC Facebook page, they will see lots of upperclass midshipman having a great time at various functions (again something to look forward to).  I also looked on the Villanova website and under the Campus Life tab there is a link to the Counseling Center and other information.  Hope this helps.  Will be thinking of you and your son.

[Kay M.]

ABSOLUTELY encourage him to speak to his advisor...that IS his support at the school! NROTC is not out to see who is tough enough to get through this. Your son has already been chosen by the Navy, and the unit staff is there to help him succeed, not to stand by while they struggle. (Think of it this way: the Navy has already promised to invest in your son. They do not want to be proven wrong, they want to prove that they were right about him!) Our son had academic and other challenges during those four years, and learned to rely on the advisors and other staff to help him towards his goal. It is NOT about trying not to show weakness. It takes a much stronger individual to ask for help and then follow through. I really can't emphasize this enough. Our son is the proof. He was at a really tough school and would not have made it through without the assistance and guidance of the wonderful Navy officers he encountered in his unit...and now he's in Pensacola waiting for flight training to begin!

[June4th]

Hi Lorraine,

Oh have I been there!!  My daughter is now a senior but I got called almost every night.   And she did go see a counselor about it. I just had her take it one semester at a time.  Told her no one would think she would be a failure if she quit etc.....but she stuck it out and now she LOVES it.....I never ever would have thought that.....it takes time.   Tell him to go talk to someone...it helped her a lot or just look at it as a semester at a time and not look at the big picture right away....I hope things get better...

[Lorraine66]

Wow everyone! Thank you so much for all the encouragement and advice! I talk to/text David almost every day and he is doing ok... Or i should say he calls/texts me every day. :) He met with his NROTC academic advisor today and he said it was a good meeting. He is "thinking" about calling a counselor which I strongly encouraged. I told him it's better to make small/short attainable goals rather than just looking at the long term and I think that is helping. He is taking it meal to meal...apparently that is how most of the freshman are looking at it.

Kris, I will definitely try to check last Septembers posts, just have to figure out how. First time using a forum...

Abby's mom, the freshman midshipmen signed a paper that they are not to talk to older midshipmen. I don't know why or for how long but they can't use them for support at this time. I really have been pushing the counselor idea. I hope he does it.

Jill, David said he and his fellow midshipmen are becoming like brothers and sisters. They are very close. I like the idea of the ROTC living together but there are only 3 other NROTC in his dorm.

Fran, I told David about the YouTube videos, thank you. I found them encouraging myself. :) I know he joined the freshman Facebook page so they are all in touch that way too.

Kay, that was my big question about the advisors. Many people thought that he shouldn't talk to the NROTC people but I did encourage him to do so. It made sense to me what you said. I did encourage the school counselor too and I really hope he does that.

June4th, thanks for sharing your story. :) it's good to know that you are not alone. I am so glad your daughter enjoys it now. I know David will too if he just sticks with it. :)

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and advice. I felt better just reading your responses. I just now got off the phone with David. He spoke with his father first then got on the phone with me. I don't get it, he was fine for dad and planning things out but when he got on the phone with me he was "dying" again... Heavy sigh

Thanks again
Lorraine

[June4th]

They are always better for their Dads!!   I use to go pick up my daughter....thank god she was only an hour away and we would go to this resturant so she could cry!   Now we drive by it and I always say ,  Hey  there is your crying place"    I think the thing that really changed it for her was Cortramid...she had a blast!  I think the mother role is just to let them "freak out" on you because they need someone to listen.   Now my daughter barely calls me...she has made so my friends and is so busy but in a good way... Im thinking about you!

[Lorraine66]

I guess it's good to know it's not just me. lol  I was so frustrated when I talked to him last night.  My husband always says he sounds great or he is handling everything well... Oh well, if I am his venting post if you will...then so be it.  It is worth it if he gets through this.  I just need to keep telling myself that. lol :)  I was always afraid to say David could quit if he wants thinking he was just waiting for "permission" to do so.  I know this is what he wants and that he would so regret it if he quit so I never put it out there saying I know he can do this. I don't think he will get to do Cortamid until his Junior year since he is a Program member but I know he will enjoy it when the time does come.  Thank you. :)

[kgrmom]

Hi Lorraine :)

Just another mom chiming in :)   I know it's so very hard when you know things are so very hard for them.  Sometimes it would be difficult for me to figure out whether she would be venting, really serious or just kind of depressed.  Even as her mom - this was uncharted territory for both of us so I just didn't know at first.

I also know getting a freshman to go see a school counselor can be like dragging a dog into a veterinarians office !  But what a difference it made for my daughter when she went.  One thing that helped was getting a friend to walk her over there. 

In my daughter's case the unit also wanted her to see someone so it wasn't entirely optional either.  There was a situation that occurred that prompted this.  And in case your son would be concerned about how it reflects in the unit.  In my girls case- absolutely no issues whatsoever.   In her unit they also had upper class ROTC mentors assigned - so each freshman had a Junior they could go to with a problem or questions.  That helped many of the underclassmen tremendously.  Maybe there is a program like that that just hasn't started yet as it is so early in the year ?

Paulette-kgrmom

[Lorraine66]

Thanks Paulette.  It really is good to hear from people who have "been there, done that".  David is now 4 weeks into India Company (the first 6 weeks).  Are all the NROTC freshman in India Company??  I know absolutely nothing about any of this but I am learning! :)  Anyway, they say after the initial 6 weeks it gets easier, or rather not so stressful.  I keep talking to him about counseling and he is still "thinking" about it.  I will let him know that your daughter talked to a counselor and it really helped.  He has good days and bads and coincidentally mine are the same. :)  I am hoping he will start to text me less but that might not happen until he is finished India Company.  

I pray that there will be a program as you described with upper classmen mentors.  I think that would be wonderful for him, for them all.  

David said something today to make me wonder if there will be more pressure in these last 2 weeks to see how they all handle it.  Do you recall if this is so or not?  ...maybe it's better if I don't know. haha

Thanks again for the advice and support.

Lorraine

[Fran]

Hi again, Lorraine.  A young man from our town is a junior in the NROTC Unit at Villanova.  His Mom told my husband yesterday that things get much better for the freshman after India Company.  A very reassuring thought:)