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Comment by cookiesml on February 16, 2010 at 2:20am

cherylwithac--My daughter is a sophomore and just the other night I had tears on my pillow thinking about the phonecalll that came earlier in the day..."I really want to quit ROTC--they hate me, I have no support, I can't do the run, I am there 6-7 days week and it it is consuming me but I can't breathe...I haven't been happy all year, I am so sad..." I am telling you this because I, too, question each and every day if she made the right choice in ROTC. I worry sick about her on some nights, ...and other nights, I choke up with so much pride and amazement in her abilities and accomplishments that I can't believe she's my daughter. Comparing "college stories" with my girlfriends is like night and day. The life of my kid is vastly different from theirs, in so many ways and to such an extent that it seems not only incongruent, but almost unfair. Aside from ROTC, she participates in school events, holds leadership positions, volunteers, and keeps an excellent grade point average. When I really stop and think about her sad phonecalls, what I try to remember is what the other moms have said--she needs to vent. It's hard, so hard to hang up feeling like you cannot help her. I even ask --PLEASE, can I call someone? To which she always answers "no." As a mother, I was really good at that wonderful analogy of patting them on the back and then walking out of the room--it worked great, and it wasn't so painful. Decades later, however, listening to my beautiful, strong, successful 19 year old crying her heart out because she's made to feel do defeated, rips me to pieces. At the end of our conversation the other day, she felt better, thanked me, and said ..."mom, I was so scared you weren't going to answer the phone, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't..." Tonight, we really didn't talk Navy--she and I both needed a break. And no PT today because of President's Day really cheered her up and allowed her to have a "normal" day. She was happier, and relaxed, and I feel she'll be ready for the next hurdle (probably later this week!) What I do is pray, and pray, and hope that her anger and sadness is really not as bad as she claims (the drama). I believe our ROTC daughters experience their lives in a small and controlled bubble which their college friends and peers really cannot penetrate, don't understand, and can't relate to. It makes my daughter feel a little vulnerable and different. That's why they call home. Because we get it. My job is to figuratively pat her on the back, encourage her, convey my smile and positiveness over the phone so she knows that I believe in her--which will allow her to believe in herself. Then...I can put down that phone and put away the memory of all her tears, knowing that she's going to be just fine :-)

Comment by spensmom on February 15, 2010 at 10:31pm

I have made a few calls to the Cashier's Office at my son's school just to be sure they know he is on scholarship. Not so much his last two years. They do know. :) It takes too long as far as I'm concerned, and I know it's been even more than 30-45 days. I've gotten bills from school in November that don't show it! Just be sure the school knows it's coming.

Comment by spensmom on February 13, 2010 at 2:47pm

These comments made me laugh......it is so true......there is so much drama! My son may not have been quite as bad but you are right NMXXXY that it's usually over in a little while. Venting helps us all deal with our frustrations. I have gotten to the point at times of saying that there is nothing more I can say or do....just make a decision and deal with it. As my son has gotten older things have 'evened out' more, and I do believe ROTC has helped with that.

Comment by spensmom on February 13, 2010 at 12:14pm

NROTC has certainly matured our son who was fairly mature in the first place. After his sophomore year, I could definitely see a difference in emotional maturity and his independence. He does not call very much mainly because I bug him to death! :) When I made a comment about his calling us, instead of the other way around, he jokingly said that "the clock resets when you call, Mom".

Comment by spensmom on February 13, 2010 at 11:08am

And thanks for hosting them Beth Hokiemom........I know my son had a great time on his last cruise and at your welcoming home while he was gone. Also, of course, he forgot to call last night.......their last night in New Orleans. I'm wondering if they are on the road yet.....it takes about 16 hours, he said, to get back to school. I'm a little worried about all the snow which has spread across the Southeast in places where they are not used to getting snow. (I know NMXXXY.....we're wimps down here when it comes to snow.!) :)

Comment by spensmom on February 12, 2010 at 11:39pm

That is so nice to hear.....but I'm guessing part of that is because she is a daughter and not a son. S. is in New Orleans right now for a drill competition. He said he would call tonight if he doesn't "forget". :)

Comment by spensmom on February 12, 2010 at 4:38pm

Same here as Pattie H. My son called fairly regularly from his cell phone. Marine week was different but even talked with him then. When he was on the sub which is really only for a couple of days he could not call. We communicated by email when he was on ship.....they assigned them an email address if I remember correctly (but I think that was "cruise" rather than "cortramid"). I've not done really well at "weening" myself away either and now he is commissioning and it's going to be very difficult.

Comment by spensmom on February 6, 2010 at 4:47pm

Hi, Cookiesml.......sorry to take so long but I finally talked with my son. He said that he would be shocked if a request for the nutritionist/dietitian from the Lt. came without a reason for it. I don't know what your daughter told you was the reason. He said the Lt. could get in some trouble with the Captain of the unit for not giving her a reason. He also encouraged her to go and talk with this Lt. if she truly doesn't understand why, or if she did not feel comfortable with that, to talk with her advisor (if it's a different person). He did say that the Navy really cannot mandate her to do this, but it would probably be a mistake not to. He says if she is under scholarship with the Navy, they could pull it if she doesn't comply. He also brought up the military's concern about eating disorders. He really encourages her to go and talk with someone about it. Hope this helps. Good luck to your daughter.

Comment by spensmom on February 5, 2010 at 4:35pm

It does tear at your heartstrings when they are so upset. My son has been fairly upset at times too, but I think this helps them to mature. He's a senior now and he has grown so much. Sometimes you do have to tell them that they just need to "deal with it". It is difficult sometimes to juggle "college life" and ROTC because it really does add more work for them. As they say, though, "it helps build character." :)

Comment by cookiesml on February 5, 2010 at 3:55pm

Thank You, Ladies! You have all eased my pain---It's so nice to finally have somewhere to go when Navy Issues come up! Who came up with this website?? I guess this hit me hard because it is usually my daughter who is the one who understands "the way things are.."and when she was so upset this time, I felt that it must really be bad for her to be so upset. The medical issue was a cyst that prevented her from comfortably walking , let alone running for her PFA, so there was nothing she could do. I think she just wants a LITTLE down time to enjoy college life, and this, coupled with being forced to go cross-town now three days a week to make up for her most recent low running time, makes her feel singled out. It IS hard being a Navy Mom. I just want to say the right thing to her for support--and now you have all helped me with that. Thank You!

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