Medically separated because of depression.

[windowartist]

I had to post to see if anyone else has experienced this with their recruit.

My son has been in boot camp for 3 weeks and I just got a call from him today saying he is very

depressed and feeling anxious, and went to a psychologist and talked to them about it.  They gave him a questionairre and it reported that he is depressed with potential suicidal feelings.  He has never had an issue with this before and was SO excited to go into the Navy after waiting for a very long time for everything to open up for him.  It is obviously stressful but he said he'd never felt this lonely and depressed before.  They moved him to SHIP 5 and he said he is medically separated now.  They will process the paperwork for him to come home in 10 days (approx.)  I was very upset and did not want him to give up so easily on the dream and career in the Navy he's been waiting so long for...wondering if this was just a passing feeling and things would get better soon. 

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and what I need to look out for. I told him to be careful what RE they give him and that he doesn't want RE-4 in case he ever wants to try again.  But honestly, I told him it would probably be very hard to do once he comes home.  He only did this yesterday, and sees the psych. again tomorrow.  Wondering if it can be undone if he wants it to or too late now. 

[Angie]

It depends what paper work he has signed.  The USN nor the other services don't want people with depression.  Think about it, if he is like this now with only a few weeks into bootcamp, he could be really bad off while out to sea for 6-12 months away from everything. 

 

Keep in mind this is up to HIM what he does.  Next time you talk to him, you can ask him to sign the legal paperwork and the HIPPA forms so that legal and medical on base can talk to you, BUT if he doesn't want to...than NO ONE on the base can talk to you about what is going on with your son.  Yes he is your son, but he is a grown adult, so legally everything and anything he signs is up to him

 

Recommend you start gathering info for him to have a plan when he gets home.  Keep in mind he will have no benfits from the VA (GI BILL, Home loan, medical, ect...) so all that will need to be planned by you and him.

 

IF he signed paper work stating he didn't want to appeal what is going on or he signed paper work stating he would take the discharge and was shown the code he would get, than yes...it is too late.

[windowartist]

Thank you Betty for your reply.  That was helpful.  The website is also good at explaining Ship 5 a little more too.

He sounds really down when he's called, like he knows he's disappointed himself and us.  But things in life don't always goes as planned I guess. It's just hard to wrap our minds around when he was so very excited to go 3 weeks ago.  How could so much change? 

Has this happened in your family before or Do you hear about this a lot?  Because you said you believe it's more common than anyone lets you know.  I do know there were studies the Navy has done on recruits getting depressed and very anxious in recruit training and from the pdf I read on it, it seems to be enough of an issue they did studies and reports on why this could be.  Everyone is different and I guess we all react to stresses differently.

But as others have said, it's better to know now than later on. 

Thanks again.

[windowartist]

I just sent you a friend request.  Once you accept, I will give you my email in a private message, ok?

I do want to hear your story.

[MamaHouz]

Rosemama, our situations sound very similar, my daughter left for boot camp 5/8/12  very excited and had waited in the DEP program so that she could go on to Navy Corpsman School.  She had been talking about the military since her jr yr in high school.  My husband and her boyfriend were also in the Navy.  She was so excited and thought she had finally found her nitch.  I received the call on Wednesday as well... after an inspection on Monday she was being screamed at in her face about her uniform.  My husband told her to expect this, we thought she was prepared to hang tough.  Well she broke down and had a meltdown, crying, nervous, she ran to the bathroom and was forced to go to medical.  She begged them not to send her,  I believe she knew what would happen.  She tried to explain, "I just had a minute of weakness" .  Nonetheless, they sent her to be evaulated and was told she has anxiety and PTSD?  This girl has never had any of this in the past. No traumatic experiences no depression or anxiety.  She may be a little sensitive, but nothing out of the norm.  I hate this for her.  She is devastated and just wants to go back to her division.  Well, that's not going to happen apparantly.  I don't know what advice to give her at this point.  She says if she tries to fight it, the process could take 6-10 months and then the chances of winning are very slim.  I am very disappointed that they give up on the SR's so quickly.  I get the fact that they need to be evaluated and don't want people with psych problems out to sea etc.,  But the fact that they don't take into account what boot camp, sleep deprivation, stress, can do to them.  I say break em down, but you're not gonna build her back up, if you send her home.... My question is should I just tell her to come home and not fight it, or wait it out?   Very torn right now...she meets with legal today I think. 

[windowartist]

MamaHouz,

Thank you for posting your daughters story.  I do understand what you are going through.  It is hard to make sense of it all when they were so excited to join and waited for the day to go.  My husband was also in the Navy so you'd think our kids would have a little more of an edge of what to expect.  But I think it doesn't matter how much someone explains it to you, until you go through it yourself, you can't really prepare for the mental crap they give you.   I never thought it would be this easy to get sent home.  My biggest issue is he was not really given the clear explanation of what would happen if he tells them he is depressed right now...he just talked to the psychologist and that was that.  He did answer some questionairre that confirmed his anxiety and depression.  But this all came about only there, he was happy 3 weeks ago!!   So, I've had these past few days to process all this in my head.  Went through the range of emotions-angry at him, disappointed, sad, worried.... and then after reading his letters yesterday, I could see it from his perspective a little more and realized that I cannot judge him.  I know he wanted this very much and would not want to give up.  I'm sure your daughter is probably in the same boat with that.  I don't know if they realized if they ever see you crying you could be out...there is more to it than that, but that started it.  They probably just don't want to take a chance with these kids since there is so many who want to join the service now. 

As far as your question, should she come home or fight it?  I can't answer for you.  I just know that right now, I just want my son to come home.  I at first told him to fight it, but they told him it will take at least 2 months to appeal then if it gets approved, he will just join up with another division where he left off with his.  But I wonder - can they wait all that time and not get it approved?  Also, is there repercussions when the RDC's know you were in ship 5 for depression and now are starting up with their division?  (more crap to take....)

After reading his letters yesterday and hearing his own disappointment and the humiliating and shaming he got I just want him to come home so we can talk about the options of what he wants to do with his life now.  He wasted a lot of time in DEP and I just want him to move on with his life.   I do wonder if he got any more grief because he is quiet.  I know he wouldn't want to talk at times others may not think much of it for fear of getting in trouble, but could they see that as weakness.    Best of luck to you and your daughter as she navigates this process.   It's even harder when they want to stay in - I think my son is disillusioned now.

[Groz]

Hi rosemama, and Mamahouz..

Like the both of you, I got my call from my son on the 17th...He had a moment of weakness also. He was physically and mentally prepared for what was going to happen for the first few weeks of basic (this coming from a guy who was in the military for 35 years). But he came down with a bad case of High anxiety. When I received the call, he was in tears. I was also, knowing the plans and future he was looking foward to. Even though I was heart broken, I put on the best positive spin I could muster up, and gave him a electronic hug :) from afar. He knows I am proud of him, and not disappointed in him in the least.

When he went to legal (on the 18th) , they had a good talk with him, and ended up giving him a RE-3, told him he could re-enlist after 6 months with a waiver. (he is hopping anyway) Legal was very understanding and helpful with him. They gave him alot of hope for the military.

He did have another anxiety moment on Tuesday, did get him calmed down, and the last two calls he is doing much better, laughing on the phone, sounds like my old son again. He is bored, wants to get out and run( They won't let them do that, for fear of injury) Did tell him to write a journal/events of all that has happened/ and feelings since he raised his right hand. Some day he will look back and have a good laugh on his days in basic, and what the Instructors would say..At least that would keep him occupied till he comes home (which is next Tuesday)... Seems once they go through Legal, it's been taking about eight days to process. They also are sending him home by plane, and not a bus (thank goodness). From what he has told me, there is a few in the group that have come down with high anxiety and depression. One's that have left, and ones that have come in. Hopefully our children can get together and have some support from each other.

I look foward to seeing my son come home, he has already made some good plans on what he needs to do when he gets back..Has plans to see a family councilor (family friend) to discuss the anxiety issues. Will get his old job back, and try again in 6 months. If not the Navy, maybe the AIr Force/AIr Guard (he wants to travel and see the world).

[windowartist]

Thank you for posting this.  Perhaps our sons are in the same area of Ship 5.
It seems to be more common than I ever thought.  And I didn't think it would be this easy to be sent home.  This is the first time home for many of these recruits, never mind getting cussed at and shamed and humiliated in front of your division (which my son said happened with him often)...of course they may get stressed and maybe cry though I'm sure none of them want to in front of anyone else.
Some will say our kids are weak because of this...I honestly thought that when he first called me too. But after reading his letters yesterday and hearing from other parents, I think no one can judge these kids.  I have not walked in his shoes to know what went on and what I would have done.    My husband was in the Navy and tried to prepare my son for it all.  He thought he was ready for the hell he'd get.  I guess I just don't understand the whole thing of why they need to get shamed, ridiculed, cussed at and humiliated just because they're trying to serve their country.  But I guess this is what they believe works for the kind of people they want.

Anyway, I wish you families and our kids the best.  I am accepting the fact that he may not want to return to the navy now.  It is hard to accept since he waited so long and had such a good job waiting for him..but maybe God has other plans that we weren't willing to consider before.   

[Groz]

My son was more afraid in what I would think (mainly because of the years I had in the military) yes, he felt like a failure..My brother (20 years in the Military) posted " Veni, vidi, vici " on my sons FB page this morning. I feel the same. His attempt is in no way a failure, in which I told him..With todays Navy, and the cuts the military are having, they can be totally selective in the recruits...In the days of old, it would of taken a act of congress to discharge someone out of the military. One almost had to have a broken foot to get out on a medical. 

I have a coin, that was given to me by my father when I got done with basic, that his father gave him when he joined the Air Corp in 1947. I have this coin since 1975, and I plan to pass this coin on to my son when he gets home Tuesday. No one can predict when a anxiety attack can occur ( I didn't know anything about anxiety attacks until I had my first MRI..I wanted out of that chamber in the worst way and I think I was in it for only 3 minutes.. lol).

The best part so far, is that my son has met a good group of new friends on ship 5..And these are the friends that he will remember for life. Hopefully our children or among them.

I am a firm believer in things happen for a reason..I thank God for steering me in those directions (I do wish he would of given me some  stronger warnings though..Heck, Moses got a burning bush!!! )

[windowartist]

Our son was afraid of what we'd think too; of us being disappointed in him.  Does your son plan on trying again in 6 months?    MY son said they told him it won't be an RE4...but I told him to read everything carefully before he signs anything and ask these questions. 

You sound like a great Dad, and understanding.  I guess you are right, no one can predict when an anxiety attack would occur.  This is such stigma in this society with anxiety and depression issues...but I know this just came on in Recruit Training.  The Navy knows this and has studies they've done on it...you can search it online.  And I agree with you, they seem to be able to be much more selective.  It's just tough when these guys have wanted this and waited so long and then it gets taken so fast.  I don't blame the Navy, they have to do what they feel is best for the Navy.  I just think it has gotten way too easy to get removed just because you may have cried or told someone you're feeling depressed- honestly- who isn't?  But I guess if you want to stay in you don't talk about what you're feeling...which may be why so many guys come back from deployment with PTSD.  who can they safely talk to?   My other concern is I have an 18 year old son also that wants to join the Marines (he's been in DEP and is set to leave end of Aug.).  If this happened in the Navy, I really am concerned about my other son joining the Marines...who knows what they'll do or say to "break them" as they call it.   

I do wish for some stronger warnings from God too.  Although with my son, he did get a lot of closed doors for years (but that was with the Air Force- the Navy opened up quickly for him)...but maybe we should have taken a hint that God has something else for him.  He's talking about being a pastor..but who knows.  All the best for your son.  Did they tell him he'll be home next Tuesday?   I'm trying to figure out how long processing them out takes.  He got their last Monday- so I hope within the week.  He goes to legal today.

[Groz]

What my son said it takes a week from today plus 1 day when you hit legal..So if that is true, you should be looking at June 4th... He did say a couple did get to go home today (one week).

The Air Force did the same thing with my son..In fact they never returned calls..But I do have friends in the Guard...So hopefully  that option remains open.

What is funny, I probally cried more when he left, and had a bigger anxiety problem for him than what he went through. lol...

[tatmom4rc(Ship12, Div. 204)]

Hi everyone - I don't have any names or specifics but when I got my SR's first real call home yesterday he did mention that in various divisions you could tell SR's have been leaving.  From what he knew of some in his brother division, my SR said that everyone was understanding and respectful.  So hopefully, this is true in your kid's groups as well.  I think our SR's are harder on themselves than any one else is.  I worry every day if my SR fails something like the running test (which he hasn't passed) and that gets him booted - or anything else, God knows we could all crumble at a moments notice, that he would tear himself up inside convincing himself that he is a failure.  We all know that none of them are - they are all heroes for wanting to defend our freedoms and they are not forgotten.

[windowartist]

I love your coin story, by the way.  I think that's great.