About to become a Submariner's Wife

[Lindsay (Jesse's Girl)]

Hi ladies,
Well, my fiance' starts BESS on Monday, and when he's finished with that (how long is it exactly?!) sometime in June, I will be heading to Groton to get married at a courthouse...we're having our big ceremony later down the line.  We've been together for 5 years and engaged for 1.  I'm sure you all can understand what a major transition this all is, and I feel the rollercoaster of change coming...

I'm looking for some honest answers.  What is life like as a sub wife?  My fiance' is an ET/COMM, and wants to be on the fast attack subs.  I am a teacher, have my bachelors, and want to further my own career as well...even finish up my masters while my soon to be hubby is busy himself.  Will this be easy for me? 

Are they really gone all the time?  My fiance' said that his officers are trying to talk everyone out of marriage b/c there is an 80% divorce rate for submariners.   YIKES and boooo.  lol...it makes me so apprehensive!  I love my submariner very much and am extremely supportive.

Please, help a soon to be wife out.  I would appreciate any information and feedback!  I'm trying to educate myself as much as possible.

Thanks!

[Renee <3]

Hi Lindsay! Welcome to the world of Submariner's wives. My Husband is almost done with all his training. We get new orders in August. If your soon-to-be husband just started Bess he has a bit to go. My husband was suppose to be out by July but was put on hold. (he is ET/Comm too) He has been here almost a year. Radio doesn't class up as much as the other rates so schooling takes longer.
Anywho, For me being a Sub wife is no different then being a "real" wife. You have to work to make any marriage work and having a military husband is no exception. Not only is he married to you but he is married to the Navy now. He jumps when they ask even if you don't agree. We have kids and I play Mommy and Daddy most of the time. Its hard however I love my husband and support him totally. You will meet and hear about wives and husbands that cheat and most people look the other way. I don't think that is exceptable and I don't get invovled with people like that. There are many great men and women in the Navy you will get the joy of meeting. There is a lot of support available.
From what I understand Fast Attack subs are out 6-9 months out of the year. Usually the first year they will be out almost the whole year. Keep in mind every boat is different. Your husband will not get to pick what boat he gets. He will pick a port from orders available and they will assign him a boat. If you are married he will not get sent to Guam or Hawaii.(Unless absolutely necessary)
As far as your career if you are self driven you will be fine. You may want to what till you get to your first real port to continue your schooling but it is totally do-able.
If you need any more info I will give you whatever I can.

[BriannaRose]

Hi Lindsay! I am a submariners wife, and I will tell you most days are just as if he had any other job (that he has to go in super early for). Actually, he gets home pretty early, about 330-4 each day and we live 20min. from base. That is except for duty days, which is every four days. If he's on a fast attack he's going to be out to see pretty often. We're lucky right now, his boat is in shipyard for another year or so (not sea going) so he hopefully won't be going out to sea until 2011/2012ish. Our situation is rare though, and a fast attack's schedule is pretty much an east pac or two for a month or more and a west pac for six months. It is definitely doable and I know plenty of wives that make it work. I, actually, have only heard one divorce story. I think it's actually somewhat easier for us because sub wives and communities are really close-nit. Generally there won't be that many guys on his boat (around 150) and they pretty much all hang out together all the time.

As far as your education goes, I would definitely wait until you get stationed somewhere to start your masters. Most schools have a military dependent clause that you will get resident tuition rates when your husband is stationed. I'm having issues with my school because I can't take the classes I need online and now am going to have to transfer. As a teacher you shouldn't have too hard a time finding a job, but the economy is sucky as we all know so it may be a little harder for the next few years.

Good luck!

[❤ ℐℯnnifℯr ❤]

HI my name is Jen my hubs has been to 1 boat so far and going to another here in a couple of months. I can tell you that it takes a really independent woman to be married to anyone in the military. The only thing you can do is take everything the navy has to throw at you and make the best out of it (ii the navy throws lemons make lemonade lol)Don't let the "divorce rate" scare ya cause i can tell ya it has made my relationship with my husband much more stronger and it is only getting stronger as the yrs go on...

[Sam (AUX PAC - Groton, CT)]

I want to marry!
My sailor and I are expecting our baby mid-October, and we were hoping to say "I do" before he comes along. However he is in BESS right now - Groton CT. I've heard you're not allowed to get married, etc. I don't really know much. Can anyone help??
THANKS! :)

Sam

[Sam (AUX PAC - Groton, CT)]

Hey Lindsay - that's funny, because we're looking into a courthouse wedding in CT, and later have a ceremony where our family lives when he gets a leave!

Gotta love the military! ;)

[Lindsay (Jesse's Girl)]

Hi Sam,

My husband is currently is ATT school, which comes right after BESS for many submariners. What is your sailor's rate? Mine's an SECF, ET. While they are in BESS (which is about 8 weeks) they cannot get married. I married my husband after he graduated BESS...he was on hold for ATT. A lot of people will tell you that he will need permission for get married and so on, but it's not true. They are allowed to marry freely after BESS. As soon as your are married, you get BAH housing allowance, insurance and more. We married June 30th in Waterford, CT, at Harkness Memorial State Park. We had a small ceremony next to the ocean, with a couple of his shipmates. In about a year, we are going to plan the big day with our families. It's really important to marry as soon as you can after BESS because you want to make sure that you are on his A School orders. If you're not, the NAVY won't pay for you to move and it just makes things a lot more complicated. It's worth it to just get it done now so you save yourself a lot of headaches down the road, especially if you guys are going to marry anyway. We are happy and our families were supportive and understanding, which helped. Now that we're married, we can finally be together too, so I plan on moving to Groton within the next month to be with my new husband!

How long have you guys been together? How exciting- expecting a baby :)

[Sam (AUX PAC - Groton, CT)]

I am planning to go to Groton the weekend of Labor Day (the 3rd - I'm not positive yet). But I know I need to make these reservations ASAP. I am hoping to do so tomorrow. I plan to stay at the Navy Lodge, and my Sailor is currently in BESS, and have his yellow card before then (this week).

However, the day I plan to come home, he has duty. I don't know of a way of transportation back to the airport (Providence, RI) from the Navy Lodge. With a taxi and a rental car being out of the question.. Can anyone help me?

Also, we are planning to get married that weekend. My family is flying up with me for the weekend, but are not staying as long as I plan to.

I hope everything works out for me, and any advise would be GREATLY appreciated! Thanks!

Sam