Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

thanks abuon18! that's the perfect way of putting it, and I totally understand why they need the papers, (and now even more so, because of all the benefits) I was just wondering on what I'd be missing out on! THANKS!

hmm someone forgot to metion one small detail.. If he is not married and under and E-5 I believe it is he has to live in the barracks. He wont be able to live with his SO unless married or a higher rank

YUP.. and they do have isnpections.. At least here at the Sub Base they do!

well that is something I will have to mention to him... see what he says about that! thanks for the info! I guess wouldn't be too worth it to be there if he can't stay with me cause we aren't married. 

I'm with Jess on that one!~ I mean I don't know what the situation in Norfolk is since we are in Groton but I know the Boater's Barracks are usually full since there are a ton of single Submariners.. And thats what we had to do! I wanted to live with my now husband since we lived together when he decided to join so I did the whole marriage thing. Wouldn't change it for anything.. As for the Ombudsman well my husband has been on his boat for about a month now and she still wont give me info cause they have to very that he is in fact on the Sub mind you I get emails from the Sub almost daily..

ohh good point to make as well! shoot.. yea he had to wait awhile to get that place to begin with. Oops on me for being selfish! alright well something else to mention to him! just keep learning more and more! thanks guys. 

I mean you guys sound like you have everything kindda worked out. So why not just wait for his contract to be over then you guys can live where ever and how ever you guys want! I mean These guys really get paid shitty for what they do and sacrifce so why should everyone get the privileges that our husbands and we as spouses get..

alright.. well I know we can afford it cause of my salary.. so maybe he will just have to see what his higher ups say.. maybe it makes a difference because it's me... not just buddies or friends of his in the navy? were these people a couple... or just a couple people that lived together?

Okay, I was actually in the Navy, so I know this one.  Yes, you need to be an E-5 to pull BAH to live offbase if you are single.  Yes, you must keep a barracks room and keep it inspection ready. A really good set of roommates helps.  However, as long as you are on time for muster, can be reached for recall, and are not in debt, you can sleep any damn place you please.  Once they are away from the school commands, and in the fleet, the Navy doesn't give a crap where they sleep.

Of course, they have to stay on base for duty days, but so do the married guys.  hat's what a duty bunk room is for.

I can only tell you guys about this base here.. I can't speak for the whole Fleet but on the SUB FLEET if they are not above an E5 and are single they have to live at the boaters Barracks.

okay I'm not asking for all of those benefits. that was my point. I was just wondering what I wouldn't have, not what I expected or demanded that I do have, just because of my decision. I understand by taking this stand, I will be missing out on things.. and I'm okay with that. It was just a general knowledge question to way my options. 

Thanks, Anti M. Well I would say that's what we would do then.. but like they mentioned earlier, it wouldn't be fair to take up a barracks room. 

So my question is,he doesn't need the BAH for the apartment, does that not make any difference? 

You don't NEED BAH for an apartment but it helps a lot. Especially since what they get paid is based on the fact that they don't need to pay for housing, either because they live on base or get BAH.

Whether it's with your or his friends I don't think it makes much of a difference. He will still have to put in a chit to request to live off base... and at that point it's just up to his chain of command. He's at Norfolk, right? Are you in that group? They would probably have more base-specific information. We live in San Diego, and for example my husband is still at a training command and lives off base with me BUT even on duty days he does NOT have to sleep on base. As long as he calls in for muster and makes it to his watch when he's supposed to they don't care. So really, every base is different. While we can help with the general stuff, maybe for housing and living arrangement questions you should ask those ladies.

Subbygirl, Groton is a whole other world. Groton sucks, as my nephew who is on a boat there tells me.

In real life, like Norfolk or San-Dog, fleet sailors don't have curfews.  Yes, they have to maintain that barracks room, but there are no bed checks to make sure they're in them.  

well haha... this discussion definitely did not start out as housing and things like that... but it definitely has involved quite a bit and generated some buzz.          

Yea. I'll see what he says for housing and other things, I guess he would know better than the most of us. I'd be asking him right now... but at the moment we only have email communications till late next week. So I just figured I'd get a jump on some of these things... didn't really except it to evolve this much, ha. 

Anti M i will not argue that Groton does suck, they don't call it Rotten Groton for no reason. But I'm pretty sure we are living the "real life" here.. And everyone has to follow rules they are there for a reason you should know since you can't stop saying how you were in the navy. Kudos to you but times do change and things change. You are not the authority for the whole navy. I know there are things are way different since I know the Sub life is a different world that Surface fleet knows nothing about. SO I will not even get into with you. Since YOU KNOW IT ALL when it comes to Navy so you say. She asked we gave her info that she might be able to take into consideration thats all.

Wow.  Okay.  Thanks SubbyGirl, your insight is quite valuable to me.  

Illinibean, if they are not authorized to receive BAH as an E-5, they must be assigned government housing, which is the barracks or the Live Ashore style suites.  The Navy is responsible for housing them in some manner.   

Thanks. Anti M, he is E3, and might possibly be E4 by the time I get there. I know that's not E5, but I'll see what he says and what his command says. 

I appreciate everything everyone has been able to give me, I pride myself on knowing a lot about the NAVY, but i've never had to worry about any of these kinds of things, since one we always figured we'd marry, and two.. I didn't see myself living with him anytime in the near future because of school.

Anti M, I realize that the NAVY may have changed since you were in it, but you were IN IT. Which means you know stuff that I know I wont know and always appreciate what your able to say since you have been there. It's like me graduating from a big ten university, I certainly DO NOT know everything about collage, but i most likely have more knowledge than someone who has never been... so I value anything you can tell me.                                                   Did not mean for this to turn into anything other than a simple conversation answering some questions I knew would be more answerable here than any other resource I have.. so I have what I feel is a good amount of information to start with, WAY more than I ever excepted from my question :) so again, thanks.

lllinibeam13, I was the same way, I joined this site before my husband even left for boot camp and it was such a great help from the beginning! Everyone here is so willing to share their experiences, and if they don't know they always know how I can find the answer! Luckily, almost everyone on this website is helpful and willing to help. It's a great group for support and answers! Best of luck to you and your Sailor! :)

 Illinibeam13 I may not be IN IT but I live this EVERYDAY .. All of answers come from me asking my husband who is currently serving.. I didn't mean to be all rude but I do have an issue when Anti M shoots everyone down. This is why I never really come to this group. She does have some really helpful information but some of us have info too that you may be able to use or take into consideration. Thats all! Good luck with whatever you decide. At the end is just you and your Sailor who will make the choice!

always appreciated. I know its what got me through bootcamp, but with school, I often don't find the time to be able to check the site. But I knew it was exactly the place to go for this specific question! You ladies are fantastic. :)

I took everyone's into consideration, and that was not anything towards you subbysgirl. I know I feel like I have a lot of knowledge about the navy, even though I am not in nor ever served. I appreciated everyones insight, no matter there point of view, or way of seeing things. Everyones experiences are different and it's nice to see things as a broader scope. Maybe private message if you disagree with what someone else has said or have different information. I know I look to this site when I need someone who understands exactly what I am experiencing... I wouldn't want to cause conflict instead of support. 

I joined N4M because so much had changed, and I wanted to learn more to support my ET in Japan, and my nuke nephew.  I have tried to provide no nonsense answers, which I don't see as shooting people down, simply, I'm not very soft and fuzzy.  My sense of humor is odd, I know that.  I always backtrack when I've made a mistake. Always. I try to find good answers, and yes, I often don't join in conversations which are providing solid information.  

Every sailor does not know everything.  That's why we need our shipmates, even if they drive us crazy personally.  

My nephew is on a boat out of Groton, so he's told me a bit about the barracks there.  He just made E-5 and will be getting his own place.  I know for a fact Groton has different rules than surface bases, which is what I was responding to. 

I'd hate to think my life in the Navy, yes, my whole life ... is useless.  If what I post is irrelevant, ignore it.  If incorrect, correct it.  But please, don't insult me.  Thanks.

ha i'm hoping you're giving that as a compliment? It's becoming more and more common in this day and age. Its not that I have anything against "marriage".. I still believe in everything "marriage" is about, like being with one person hopefully for the remainder of my life but I don't think I need a license to tell me who and how to love someone for the rest of my life. I want to get that straight, not against it, just isn't what I want for me. I personally hope that no one ever knows that we aren't. I plan on taking his last name.. and the people besides those that know us "legally" will never know we don't have a legal marriage.       

My husband's child had an ID card, and his mother could accompany him on base with a base pass (Groton/New London).  He could use the medical facilities, recreational facilities, the NEX, but they had commissary crossed off his card. (Look at the bottom of your card, you'll see authorized patronage). The commissary thing varies a lot depending on which pass office/base you get, or the court order.  There;s a regulation for that, there is always a regulation.   The ex/mother of the child cannot get a DD1173 themselves.  

I have written 8 letters since the 24th when my husband left for GL. I figured I'd write at least one a day until I got his address and sent them all at once so he would have something to read and some way to catch up with what's been going on back home since he left. They say to stay positive and not sound too depressed about them being gone even if you're miserable (which I am most of the time). I was just curious, what's the best way to write? Mostly I've been telling him everything about each day and what I did and anything else that comes to mind. It seems a little selfish because I can't ask much because I literally have no idea what he's doing or what to talk about other than, well..myself..

What do you ladies think? What do you write about?

I've made sure to tell him every time that I am proud and missing him and can't wait for PIR!

Something you can do if you want to send sports clips or whatever to your Sailor but his Company Commanders make them toss them is to just re-type it into a letter.  Obviously, this won't work for huge articles, but you could write something like,

"Honey, I hope  you're doing well - or at least better than Team Y.  They lost to team X 24 - 58 last weekend.  Probably because Joe Shmoe was out with an injury..... 

That's a huge scholarship opportunity, Denise! Thanks for sharing. Sadly, I'm not in the medical field so I can't take it. I passed it on to other spouses. :)

Hey ladies, I am waiting for my husbands paycheck do ya'll know when I should be expecting it?

I just got my SR's address =)

Well my hubby has left for boot camp. For the most part I have done well (for the last 24ish hours). I have random crying moments here and there. Otherwise I am good. It's not forever :) Anyhow, right before he got on the plane he was telling me about the "grad and go". Does anyone have any info on this? I'm afraid we will only see him for graduation and a few hours after, quickly followed by him flying out that Friday night. Instead of Saturday afternoon (like I keep reading about). It's alot less costly for us if I drive to see him durring A school. I REALLY want to go to the graduation but if I have to pay that much for only 2 or 3 hours when I could drive down for a whole weekend durring A school for a visit, it doesn't seem like a good financial idea. Any thoughts or ideas?

Avaya, From everything i have heard i have not heard anything about a sailor leaving friday night. Graduation will end at 10am, you will see him for about 45 min then he has to go back to his barracks and get his things ready then u can pick him up and stay with him till about 830/9pm thats when he has to be back at base. Then he will go to the airport early saturday morning and families are allowed to get a pass to go to the gate with there sailor and sit with them until there plane leaves.

Avaya, what rate will he be?  If you know that, then it is easy to know where the A school is.  Anywhere but Great Lakes, yes, he'll be a Saturday morning departure. I've yet to hear of a Friday afternoon departure.  

However, PIR is a once in a lifetime ceremony.  It is well worth the trip from what everyone says. 

I was reading her post then discovered that there were other posts down below haha so then i had to rewrite wat i said so i didnt sound retarded :p