Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

wow thats awesome!! Thank you so much! I didnt even know about that site!!! :)

I didn't either, although I did know MWR booked trips.  Google, huh?

haha I love google magic :) lol! I love using groupon and livin social too. Its really helped me explore the area over here but for cheaper lol :)

We used the MWR office on base in San Diego quite a bot for ticket to places like Seaworld.  I'd imagine the one there has similar discounts, which are very, very good.

We even get a military discount at Hot Topic and Spencer's!

yea I loved using the ITT office to get tickets up in WA. We got half price tickets to the zoo (which were still 11.50 at half price!!) then up in WA they had 2 good military only camping places. I feel like everything here has halfprice for discounts for military. The mall has a list of places that give it. Then a lot of places to eat around here have a certain night you can eat for like half off. So I am keeping track of them so if I dont wanna cook one day we can just go out lol. There is also a place here were you can go bowling, watch a movie and eat dinner all in the same place lol! and they have military discount! Even a grocery store here has military discount if you buy their brands.

Wow, that's a lot more than we have here.  Good for you guys!   We do have an AFB nearby, but no huge bases like the Navy has.  Most of our discounts are 10% off.  Lowes and Home Depot, and Texas Roadhouse.  

yea its really weird for me. Coming from OK where the bases arent really the focal point of the area. We had one close but it wasnt what the area thrived off of. and now there are bases everywhere loll!!

Anti M- I remember awhile back you posting a discussion that listed important documents to keep together and some other things about marriage, I believe. I can't find it back though. Do you remember what it was called?

Also, can someone give me the low down on Power of Attorneys? I'm trying to make sure we have as much paperwork taken care of before I fly home to Ohio. This marriage thing involves a lot of paperwork!!

Emily what info do you need about POAs?

General POAs will cover a lot of things but your husband can ask them to omit things if he wants to. Typically a general POA will cover leasing a property in his name (not on base housing though!), allow you to have access to his bank accounts which he could just put you on them either way, allows you to pay or make changes to any bills in his name, start up bills in his name (research before you put all the bills in your name, where I am the electric company gives a waiver for deposit for military but only if the bill has the service members name on it or its in their name), a general POA will also let you to handle business matters for a car even if its in his name.

Now you might need a special POA to recieve or release household goods, deal with on base housing, and buying a house. Also some places might ask you for a special POA especially if it deals with a large amount of money (this is to protect the servicemember!)

I hope that helps a little and makes sense!

That does help, thank you!

So would you suggest just getting a General for now? I'll be heading home to Ohio and he'll be out to sea for a little while this summer. I just want to make sure we have our bases covered just in case something would pop up where I need it. He will be adding my name to his one bank account, but as long as I have the general I'd be able to take care of his other account while he's gone, right?

I'd call a file of important papers a hand-carry file, because it goes with you and is never packed out with your household goods or put into checked baggage on a flight.  I don't think there is a formal name.  I can try to dig up the discussion, but for now:

Birth certificates

marriage license

bank account info

credit/debit card & loan info (at least copy your card in case of theft)

Passport/copy of driver's licenses

SSN cards/or at least the number in case you can't remember it in an emergency

Immunization cards if you have them

you POA and HIPPA (if needed)

your Tricare contact info (they do give you a card with numbers to call if you need an ER or urgent care)

Copies of all your insurance policy numbers/insurance cards.

An address book, hard copy of all your family info.  You could lose your phone!

You should know where his enlistment contract is located.  When he gets a DD214, safeguard it.  

I'm sure I have forgotten something!

LOL, that said, don't let anyone steal your bag with the handcarry file in it!  If you are transferring and need to stay in a hotel, do not leave the file in the car.  Never leave it in a trailer, those are thief magnets.  I'm paranoid about losing the paperwork.  Thanks, Mom.  

good list Anti M!!! you might also keep a copy of your diploma with you! A lot of places will ask for that when you apply... well I have had a few ask anyways! lol have a copy of his DL not just yours!! I needed it for my rental app for my house but if you have to renew his registration you might need it!  lol Ihave mine all in a fire safety lock box at my house lol! umm you might also keep your checks for each account in case you are traveling and need some money you can typically take a check and cash it at a bank/credit union somewhere if your card is lost or not working! other than that Anti M pretty much said all the things I have in my secret file lol ;) I am paranoid about it too! I have copies of pretty much everything at this point I might have to get a few made.

I think a general POA would cover pretty much anything. If need be he can get one done up on base and emailed to you and then mail the hard copy. Moving is the biggest thing I have seen people need a special for so if you dont plan on doing that then you might be ok!

Great. Thanks so much Anti M and meagan! :)

My post about files must be in a discussion someone else started, I didn't spot it.  There are 50 pages of discussions in this group!   Mostly about bootcamp, A school, getting married, moving and relationship issues.  Wow, huh?

I could have swore you started the discussion. But it was probably like 2 years ago. I tried searching through the discussions also and it was pretty much useless. There's TONS. And just about all of them about the same things!

I found my old ones about links, sponsorship, and sea/shore duty.  

I'm laughing about the diploma, I flat forgot... I missed a year of school so I ended up with a GED instead of my senior year after age 18 so I could go to college.  Then I used the college credits to get a community high school diploma so I could join the Navy as an ET.  The Navy never asks again.  I was able to go to night school during C school to finish up (they don't allow that now) and I put all those college credits into an AA to "preserve" them.  Built my BS off of those when i got out of the Navy.  So my two years of college before I enlisted were very hard working credits, they got counted as high school and toward a degree!!!

So HS diploma/college transcripts should be in your possession.  

I do the same thing - we have a binder with a zipper on it that goes with us everywhere when we PCS with all those important documents in it.  In fact, even when we aren't moving, I keep all those things together in that binder, because there have been times I've had to evacuate an area (or be prepared to evacuate, we didn't leave here last year when everything was going nuts, but we had to be ready just in case).  That way, if I ever have to go in a hurry, I can just grab the binder and I know I have copies of everything I could possibly need, without worrying about forgetting this document or that paperwork...

Oh, I would also include a copy of wills, and a paper with emergency contact numbers on it, you never know when you could lose a cell phone and need a number, also numbers for emerg. contacts such as Ombudsman, Sailor's Chain of Command, etc. 

Wills.... yes, surprisingly few younger people think to have wills.  And if you have children, your Family Plan, and designated guardian's contact info should something happen to you.

I knew a wife who barely knew what base her husband was stationed on, much less the name of his command or who to contact.  He took care of "everything Navy" and she was clueless.  She didn't even know where the commissary was located!  Don't be that wife!

I have a lot of terrible stories about young foreign wives.... one chief put his in housing in San Diego with two young kids (don't know if they were his or not).  He told her she couldn't drive or work because she wasn't a citizen.  He'd only send her $100 a month for food, she had no idea how much money he made (and kept).  Some other wives found out and took her to talk to Family Advocacy.  Wow.  The chief had to send her half his base pay, plus extra for the children.  He got into a lot of hot water over that stunt!

Yeah, even now I'm in charge of the pay.

lol Anti M, I so didnt think I would need my high school diploma. I had graduated college with two degrees, had my paperwork for that and this place still wouldnt hire me until I showed them proof I had gone through high school! lol I was like umm let me show you online where it says you cant get into this University unless you have your GED or Diploma... soooo ipso facto I graduated high school lol. My mom had to go dig through my old school stuff and find my transcript from HS. so now I make sure I have it jic! lol.

Anti M, a few months back a wife was on a support group on fb thats how she found out about BAH and famliy sep. Her husband had met and married her right before deployment then was keeping all the money. Well that made a whole slew of wives veryyy angry so needless to say I think she went to his command and got back pay and started getting pay through the whole divorce. Idk what all happened for sure.

lol I am so in charge of money lol! My husband likes to spend money and then wonders why our savings account isnt growing. so I am in charge, he can spend his money of course but we still have to pay the bills and put back a certain amount every month before we spend money

I'd be so screwed, I took the GED in San Francisco in the 70s, and my community high diploma cam several years later.  I don't know if I could get my hands on them or not!

On the other hand, some women know every penny the military provides.  I had a shipmate marry a stripper, she'd already been married to one sailor and sucked him dry.  Wore a big ass gold krugerraand around her neck that an "admirer" had given her and my friend put up with that.  I had an afternoon off, we all had lunch at the club.  I stuck around for a couple drinks.  She was in the bar hanging off one of the sailors off the Midway.  She got sent back to the states, but ended up pregnant and married to the Midway guy.  She took my friend for everything he owned, he didn't get the morning off for her packout, she took everything but an old futon and his clothes.  She even took the toilet paper! And she tried for child support for the baby that wasn't his.   What was sad was she wasn't pretty or young, just big boobed and flexible.  I threw her out of my house during a party once because she was so crude (pulled her pants down to tell a reservist guest to kiss her ass).  ICK.  

Wow. Amazing how many women will marry a man in the military just to take what they can from him! Not like they get all that much to begin with! Your friend realized he was much better off I hope!

He did realize it, but he was crushed.  He was a little bit older and hadn't had a serious relationship because he was somewhat shy.  She took full advantage of him emotionally and sexually to get him to propose.  He only knew her a few weeks before they married.  So sad.  We all knew it was a Bad Idea.  Fortunately, women like that don't come along too often, and they never try to make friends with other wives.  Their cover would be blown.  

And then there's the group of wives who ran a prostitution ring out of housing when their husbands deployed.  That's a worst case scenario, rare, but the ship put every sailor on a plane back to port to start the paperwork to send every wife back to the states (or their home country, some weren't US citizens) .   About the most shocking story I know first hand.

I was so irritated!!! I mean it was for a daycare position first of all, and their requirements didnt even require a GED or diploma and I have a degree in psychology which if I was applying for lead teacher thats all I would have needed to show. That place was a hot mess anyways

oh wow!!! I dont even know how golddiggers marry miliatry lol we barely have enough to pay bills.. I mean I guess I would use our savings if I was a gold digger... which would be a good amount every month so I mean I guess lol. but still if I wanted money I could find better sources!! lol

haha oh no. Most military families I know do! we actually save a good amount every month but right now he is deployed. and we moved from an apt to a house so its going to be tighter for sure. I have started couponing helps a tonnn with grocery cost! I started it in WA I could keep our bills to about 120$ for us both.. which is reallly hard to do in WA things are soo much more expensive over there! just bc of cost of getting stuff there mostly. but I have a veryyy strict budget and we keep to it. We only use our CC for gas and groceries to build credit or for large purchases after we have saved the money for it totally. then we just pay it off every month.

actually a lot of Navy families I know overdraw pretty much. Navy fed has that program where you can overdraw up to $500 every month I know quite a few wives that do that.. even with their husbands deployed.

There's a reason my retired husband works full time, you can't live on retired Navy pay (55% of base pay).  Some of it qualifies as VA disability, but the rest is TAXED! How dumb is that?!    It does make a difference though, and the health care alone was worth his 20 years.  I know that active duty can be very tight budgeting, although it gets better as they advance.  I used every resource from the base I could find, still do.  

The best part about the Navy paycheck is you can rely on it to be there.  May not always be 100% correct, but it is there.  And 30 days paid vacation.... which he might or might not get to take... that's a nice benefit.  

Yeah, prostitution ring.  They'd take turns watching the kids.  Stick artound the military, you'll see all sorts of outstanding stupid human tricks.  Which is confusing, because as a group, sailors and their families are above average!

Hey, I have a degree in psych too, and a teaching one in social sciences.  I'm not working though, health issues, so hubby said just stay home.  He's sweet that way.

(I'm cranky because I found out I get another surgery this month.. don't get old, it sucks)

wow they tax it? so pointless! I am very frugal. Grew up on the lower end of the spectrum and worked two jobs to put myself through college. Almost everything I bought in college I figured up how many hours I would have to work to pay it off and that put it in perspective alot!!! I love that his paycheck is typically pretty close to the same every paycheck so I can budget pretty well. Once I get a job I will be paying the car off and then hopefully get another car bought before our first four years are up. Then we dont have to worry about car payments and we can start saving for a down payment for a house and paying for my grad school.

Thats soo crazy about the prostitution ring sadly it doesnt surprise me. I have met some of the craziest people since he joined the Navy. At the moment 3 wives from my husbands command hate me. All bc they got reported for violating opsec, and they thought it was me. but it wasnt lol they just think its me bc I am an opsec nazi lol. but one has been saying all sorts of stuff about me I have been hearing it all from other wives. I have heard stories of wives telling other wives to kill themselves, they start crazy drama. Just so many stories I couldnt even begin to tell them all lol!

Really Anti M? I also have a degree in Forensic science. hoping to go back and get my masters in forensic psychology with an emphasis on children and get my counseling stuff taken care of and be a counselor for children that have been victims, witnesses, and more and more this day age suspects of violent crimes so hopefully I can get working on my masters.  

:( I hope your surgery goes well!!! I hate hospitals.

Ah, gossip and spouses.  You can't make this stuff up.

Forensic psych, that sounds intriguing.  And I very much approve of working with children.  My aunt was an Army nurse, then a social worker, then an advocate for abused children after she retired.  She is (was) my hero.  

My psych degree took forever to finish.  I chose it as a major because I was fascinated, and a family member was bipolar, with schizophrenic paranoid-delusion episodes.  I wanted to understand.  It went on hold when I joined the Navy.  I finished overseas, University of Maryland, so I was a little light on lab work.  The good thing about taking years and years to finish is I always learned the newest research and science.  I still try to keep up on the biology of the brain. I started graduate work for family therapy, but soon found out I was too prone to depression to pursue it as a career!  The VA helped morph that degree into a teaching degree.  Psych, anthropology, geography, with a history major, and ESL.  But this school district only wants science teaches, and math.  Figures.

lol no thanks Jess!! belive me I have seen way too much as it is! I know that these girls can be crazy. I have a group of friends and I try to help them with any info like simple stuff that they could probably google but if I know it I dont mind telling them but I had a few start contacting me like I was an ombudsman lol I said ohh noo you go call an ombudsman for that craziness lol I dont like being put in the middle of it. get drawn into is sometimes but overall I stay away from it lol!

I love it! My bookcase is full of books about serial killers, serial rapist, and all sorts of things. lol I wrote my senior paper over the current serial killer dichotomy and the possible ineffectiveness and possible alternatives. Thanks. I started out as wanting to do criminal profiler and while I would still love to work in that area too. I just really think that we have a duty to protect our children way more than we are. 

I went into overdrive got both my degrees in four years lol. The more classes I took the better bc I had a scholarship for 4 years. I even ended up with a minor in sociology lol. I want to get more bachelors. since I am holding off on a job since my husband is getting home soo I am taking some free college courses that yale and other schools offer online! Not a degree but fun to learn new things! oh of course the great science race! why would we want our children to be well rounded with classes available that are in a variety of subjects. I wish they emphasized history more in school. Its important to know where we come from. "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it" I didnt do much lab work either during my course work. The university I went to was a very experimental based program but you had to be a graduate student to do those things lol. Mostly building up to that we learned lots and lots of theories. then if a professor liked you they would let you in their grad program and experiments :)

haha I sell Scentsy but mostly for myself and my family. I dont really go out and do parties too much. I just like scentsy and use it a lot so figured it was a good investment to get a discount lol! Every base is drama prone. You will not avoid it. My husband is on a carrier and there are over 5000 sailors... and I would say over half of them probably have gfs/fiancees/wives at some point throughout this deployment and there is tonsss of drama. Our command has tonss of issues. OPSEC is the main one. People constantly posting the exact number of days the ship will be out, where it is, etc. There is always a lot more property crimes by any base statistically speaking. I have run into all of those issues down here in VA... somewhat in WA.

Goodnight everyone, going to go hibernate.  

goodnight Anti M sorry went MIA lol :)

kling... I get through the day keep my chin up then when I have time I go take a "mini bath" is the term I hve come to use lol! I just turn on the shower and sit on the floor of the shower and let it out. mad, sad, everything. then if I have any major life problems thats where I think about them and figure anything out I need to work on. and I try to remember that no matter how bad the day is its one day closer.

@ jess. i got BAH where i lived. but unless he notifies them he will probably just receive BAH for where he is stationed. 

also, i see you directed that question towards someone personally. i hope i did not add to the confusion. that was just my situation. 

My boyfriend is leaving August 27th for bootcamp. I'm very proud of him but also very nervous he has no plans of getting married but just wants me to wait here for him how often will I get to see him. This really scares me for our relationship. weve talked about marriage but hes kinda young and says hes not ready. I don't know what to think.

Trentsbaby, don't worry. Everything will be just fine. My bf is currently in boot camp and before he left, we were having some problems. But boot camp has changed it all. If he wants you to wait for him, then it's for a reason. I'm sure you guys can get through it.

BAH has two answers.   When the sailor is where the dependents cannot go, such as boot camp, or A school, or is unaccompanied, the BAH goes by the spouse's zip code.  If the sailor is at a duty station and the spouse chooses to live elsewhere, it goes by the sailor's zip code.  So both are correct, it depends on the situation and how the orders are written.

Hi Trentsbaby,

Bootcamp is hard but you will get through it! During bootcamp you will not get to see him or talk to him except for maybe once or twice. So after he leaves the first time you'll get to see him will be at his graduation. During bootcamp he can write you letters, and he will live for the letters you send him! After bootcamp, how much you get to see him depends on how often you can visit. They can request leave to go visit you but it's not always approved, especially depending on how far away he wants to go. After bootcamp, when he's in A school he will be able to have his cell phone and computer, so when he's not in class or on watch he will be able to talk to you!

She can look up the BAH by zip code online.  

I just hope he doesn't change when he joins. I've seen so many guys become huge jerks after they join any part of the military. And a lot of them become alcholics. I just don't want to be that way.

I'm not to worried about boot camp. Yes I will mis him a lot but 8 weeks isn't that bad. its after boot camp that i'm worried about he wants to go to australia and i can't just take off work and go see him on the weekends over there. I'm afraid I wont ever get to see him for the next 4 years. Thats what scares me.