Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

That calculator says to put in the duty station zip code, but while they're in school, you use your own.

Got a letter last night that contained the invite to my SR graduation and his address so I can finally start mailing his letters off! I am excited to see that he may be home for chritmas since he graduates on the 21st of December ;-)

Navywife04 - Well first he had to go through ATT and then A school is after that. He graduated BC 2/3 and graduated A school 10/5 so all together it took 8 months. He still has C school to do but that is part of what we are waiting for. Looks like we will be staying here for the holiday stand down and possibly getting orders in January. But who knows! Needs of the Navy of course. :)

It's a different type of "hard".  Everyone has their own yardstick of what sucks and what they can bear and how to deal with it.  But yes, been there too and it is arduous. 

What these ladies are experiencing is the hardest thing they have done, and it does not diminish what dual military couples do.  Just different.

This is the first time I have commented on this group even though I have read you pages from time to time when I had time. I am not a military wife but I do have a daughter and son-in-law who are both in the Navy. Personally I think just being married can be hard. You have to work at it and want to make it work. True it is easier for some than others. I also believe that marriage is even harder when one of couple is in the military. To say it isn't hard is just crazy. Being away from the person you love for months and months would be hard on anyone, military or not.  I know from my Sailors that having both of them in the military is also hard. It is hard because my son-in-law works days and is shore duty. My daughter works nights and is with a squadron attached to a carrier. They don't get to spend a lot of time together but they make the best of time they do have. When she deploys in a couple of months and is away for 9 or 10 months that will be the real test to their young marriage. But I am sure they will make the best of that as well. I agree with Anti M, there are different kinds of hard. You can't really say that something isn't hard just because something else is harder. We have to remember that this is a very new experience for most of the people who come to this site for the first time. They are looking for information and are trying to figure out how this is going to change their lives. They come to us for guidance and it will take time for them to get used to this new life. I'm not saying we need to sugar coat things but sometimes a little bedside manner can go a long way :-)

My first post as well. Many of you on here who are "doin' it" as spouses to active duty Navy, have been through a lot more military wise. I read because, your words encourage me.

This:

....everyone says being a spouse to a military person is hard (which it isn't)....

...doesn't. It is a misstatement of fact and thoughtless to the sensitivities of the women that are on this group to learn about all this. Who just want to "get it right".

My two cents for what it's worth...

I am an AF Security Forces Reservist wife (28 years). Only two deployments...late in his career, after 9/11. Before that he wasn't just a "weekend warrior". As a young airman he went to a lot of schools. As a Senior NCO he often was out at the base more than one weekend, as well as doing stuff at home to prepare. He would've gone further if he could with it..but it's needs of the AF and location. He could have gone to another unit somewhere else...but he has a demanding "real" job already. Law enforcement for thirty years, where he has worked his way up and achieved much, as well as been a wonderful loving husband and father to three young men. One who is in the Navy Reserves and one that wants to go Army active...we'll see about the last one!

I was a GF first and have been there all along the way. He has always involved me in "his life" wanted, NEEDED me there. Made me a part of it as much as he could. I sent packagse to his fellow team mates. Snacks and things, to gifts that related to a of running joke they had going this last time. They nicknamed me "Mrs. F (not my real last initial)" and I am still called that.

When we were younger I was "Cool Mrs. F" as I was the "woman " that lent a shoulder, laughed at their shenanigans, attended their weddings, the funerals and partied with them (with hubby and before chiildren). They stole my cigarettes (when I smoked) and knew who to come to for a tylenol. Held my boys when they were babies, played with them as they grew and shake their hands now that they are grown.

It has been exciting, crazy, difficult, rewarding, eye-opening, lonely, frustrating, so-filled-with-pride-for-him... and I wouldn't change any of it. It's a part of who I am.
I knew who he was before I married him. He wanted this life and me, I wanted him. Like LaLa said, you work at it and want it..the love is the foundation.

Reading these posts are very empowering for us who are very new to this lifestyle but at the same time it makes me very sad and even to the point where I'm in tears again. I'm so scared. I love my husband sooooo much but I worry that maybe I'm not strong enough for this, he's been in bootcamp for over a month and I still break down. What am I going to do when he's gone for 6 months?? I'm proud of what he's doing because he's doing this for us, for his family but a part of me still hasn't come to terms that THIS is our new reality our new chapter in our life. I never wanted him to join the military I'm scared to death, what if something happens to him??? For those of you that have been through this for so long, does it ever get any easier???  

Michelle -  I wish I could give you a BIG HUG right now!

It won't always be easy.  Life isn't...it can deal you any card it wants.

But you do adjust to it. Some smoothly like LaLa said and some stomp their way there, like me...then I sail along! It does take time. You have only been married a short while and now he is away.

For the most part...you know what you are going into. Knowledge can be empowering. Asking questions...getting support...having someone give you a little head pop and also hold your hand when you need it is what helps.

Still, I know knowledge is not always enough...and you just have to experience it. Like being married and raising children, making and keeping relationships.

When he is gone...you'll do what you have to do...and you'll live life.

For the first...oh at least ...half of my husbands Law enforcement career...the most popular question that folks asked me was, "Aren't you scared." (Picture subdued tones and wide eyes.) I never really knew how to answer that! LOL

Yes.

No.

Maybe?

All the time!

"What do you think?" (no, I never said that LOL)

You are going to have those moments like you are now sometimes. If you can, go take a hot shower and get it out! You can combime hygiene with therapy!

I know there are a LOT of ladies on here with better advice than I can give. just know that I "get it" and I will pray for you. Kiss your baby girl for me!

See, there's one of them right now!

I love you guys.  All of you.  

(Yeah, I use "guys" as a generic term for people of any gender)

I am new to this, and right after he left for Boot Camp I felt kinda lost? I was all like, i have no idea what he's doing, how hes doing. I started researching one night to give me something to do and to get some answers, i ended up finding this site, and since then, I have felt more at ease, Not only did i have people willing to answer my questions, I had found people in the same boat as me (no pun intended) Between this group with girlfriends wives and fiances, to his graduationg group with people in his same division right now. Again I am all new to this, but I am so thankful for the people i have met. 

Thank you all so much ladies for all the encouragement and kind words! I fell asleep more at ease last night after reading all the comments and messages I received. I turned to my first for some advice as well last night, she means very well but like many of you have said before, unless they have gone through it they just don't understand. I feel so blessed and great full to have found this site where I can express my feeling freely without being judged in anyway and know that there are others who have already gone through the same or are going through at the moment too. From the looks of it it seems that this journey can get really lonely but having a support group like this does make it alittle better :) Lots of love and kisses for all of you!!!!! 

to my friend**** not my first lol sorry for the typo 

just blame it on auto-correct lol :) We love helping, that's is why we are here. I feel if it gets to the point that we are not helping and not compassionate while doing it then we don't need to be here any more. :) I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Anti M - Totally get the "guy" comment. Me too! Always enjoy your posts. 

My anxiety has been through the roof these past few days! I normally get my letters on Wednesday. It's Friday and I still haven't gotten any letters! Anyone else having letter issues?

Anit M, I love you all, too (and I also use "guys"  lol, I will frequently say stuff like, "Hey, yall - you guys need to get over here and check this out...." 

Michelle, glad that you're feeling better about things!

FTLW and Lala -- :-)  In one way or another, we're all in the same boat :-)

Britty32189 division 802 (801's brother division) had mail privileges taken away this week, maybe it was the same for 801. Others with SRs graduating on 11/30 have not received mail this week. :( Sorry, but I think quite a few are having letter issues this week.  

I'm in that graduation class and while i got a letter it was way shorter then normal, Its Hell week and our SRs are tired and busy busy busy. 

Britty32189 - Sorry, Dinner and Hubby came home! Glad LittleMissRed and Love_my_SR helped you out!

Okay so you are in the GROUP with them and it was Hell Week.

I'm going to give you some direct clickable links to help you out.

Here is the PIR GROUP that you belong too:

PIR 11/30/2012 TG 3 - 15 Divisions (019-030, 801-802 & 903)

The TG is Training Group, which is what all 15 Divisions are a part of that all have PIR on that date.

When you get there please join! There ae "veteran moms" there on the Main wall to help answer questions and lend support. Also other memebrs of the whole PIR group from all of the Divisions. You all have the same PIR date and general questions are best asked there.

Within in the PIR GROUP is a Division Discussion for 801-802. It is in the DISCUSSION FORUM area of the PIR GROUP. You will see it just underneath the box that has the Count Down Clock and Weather Widget.

Look for this:

Ship 04 (USS Arleigh Burke) Divisions 801 & 802 (Brother Divisi... 

(It's a direct link as well...but go ahead and look just to familiarize yourself:-))

There are also a couple of SPECOP BC veteran moms on the Division Discussion to help out specifically with the 800 Divisions.

800's are the SPECOP Divisions in BC, those recruits with SPECOP Contracts. It's better to keep them together as they have some extra requirements in BC. Often there is just one and not every PIR. This one has two so they are Brother Divisions and train together. That is what Love_my_SR meant by her comment.

(The Regular divisions always have a Brother Division)

This link will help you with the site a bit:

WELCOME NEW MOMS, PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME & LEARN TO USE THIS SITE.

(I know it says Moms, but we mean everyone, just habit!)

Hope that helps!

You are welcome!

I understand...:-)

The poor man was falling asleep in his snack. He got up at 5:30 AM and got home at 9:30 PM. :-(

Ugh...Typos...somehow I got away with not taking typing in HS! Regret it now!

sailorwifenmom - 

from what i understand he needs to get paperwork done for you two to get married, I'm not sure what or what he hasta do. But its on him to make sure its all ok with the navy for you two to get married. As for your end, you need to check with floridas marriage laws, I live in north carolina and what i have to do it pretty simple. I need to get a marriage license  and can get married that same day. Most places have a waiting time. Like you need to getthe marriage license and wait a month, or three days, or something. SO check on that. Also if you want to go ahead and pick one up just so you have it, it usually doesnt expire for 60 days. Also check how much it is to get marriage, Here its 60 dollars. But he has to get it approved. I've been told he needs to talk to the person over him in rank to help him with the paperwork

Well your county clerks office's website should provide you with a list of approved places to take marriage classes. I think most of them you have to pay for  and they get pretty pricey. Some are two days long so be wary of that, and make sure you are actually finding a 4 hour thing.  If you do take the class it waives the 3 day waiting, but Idk if around Holiday season they would be having classes. I find it easier to just get us both to the court house around the 23rd, that way whether or not Christmas day counts by the 28th or 29th we would be married.

Well it doesn't really sound like you have much to do, most of your concern is on his end. So if that's the case then that is really up to him to make sure he gets everything he needs to do done so you don't get in trouble. Both of you would have to attend the marital course as well for it to validly waive the fee. I don't think you can make it on the 23rd if he coming home the 21st, so close to the holidays like I said. THe registered course providers which are mostly churches/therapy might not have any courses planned. They do wait till they get a certain amount of people on certain amount of dates to hold a class, so time would be your only killer there. And if you do find one that late, then the Court House might be closed for the holidays. So I would suggest not setting your hopes on the 23rd, you'll have a better shot applying for a license on the 23rd and just waiting for 3 days.

See that's good.. You have a plan don't worry, just expect the unexpected.

I understand, I'm the same way. Worrying is what I did because if you can't do anything else, it gave me something to do lol. Don't worry things work themselves out, you just have to hope for the best.

For A school student sailors, they are supposed to put in a request chit before marrying, get it approved, and possibly take the Navy's premarital course and/or go to counseling with a base chaplain.  Some of the schools make this easier to get done than others.   Most of the school commands are about the same.  Still plenty of time on the sailor's end, but he has to push for it.  

I'd ask him which he prefers, and if you get no answer, go ahead and get yours done.  

LADIES I AM ON CLOUD NINE!!!! My fiance's division was doing so well that some o the boys got to make calls home. I got an hour phone call with him today!!!

Look, we really did go on vacation!  LOL< hubby has not shaved since the day he retired from the Navy.  

Cute Pic Anti M

Love the picture, Anti M!

I can totally see Aaron doing that when he gets out of the Navy. :)

My daughter/Sailor had A-school in Pensacola, She got married during A-school 4 days before her husband left for bootcamp. She was phased up and allowed off base but wasn't phased up enough to be allowed to stay out over night. She is training right now in NV with her squadron so she is in a different time zone than me but when she calls me later today I will ask how they did it and what the process was. I will let you know what I find out :) I do know they got the marriage license at the Pensacola Court House and they also got married there and then a year later had the ceremony here at home when they were both able to take leave.

How are they doing as a dual military couple? 

Good Morning Ladies,

So my husband is going in for Advance Electronics Technicians so he will be staying right in Great Lakes for his A school. I just found out that he also has to go to a ATT school which is about another two months.

Me and my daughter are planning to move to Great Lakes to be with him since his A school will be about a year long. My question is when can my husband start doing all the paper work for either us to live on base with him or for him to live off base with us? Does he have to wait till after ATT school to do that? How long does everything take for us to actually be able to be with him again??