Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

Hi Michelle,

My husband finished up ET A school about a month ago so I actually have some experience here!  :)  My husband was able to start the process of getting his "live ashore" status approved right away.  There are a few hoops to jump through but it really doesn't take long.  He graduated BC 2/3 and I was here with our stuff 2/28 and he was able to live with me immediately.  We probably could have done it in less time but I waited to do anything until we had written orders in hand.  FYI, ATT & A school combined take about 7 months.  It can be longer depending on hold times.  But I wouldn't count on anything past what his orders say.  

Let me know if I can help in any way!

Thank you sooooo much Tiffany!! That is extremely good news since my husband is graduating boot camp on the 30th of this month and I wasn't planning on moving out till the start of January. I was beginning to have a panic attack since my husband mentioned something about trying to change his rank or else we would have to wait 6 MONTHS until we can be together in one of his letters. I hope that's not true and its just some misunderstanding. We have a one year old, would that make a difference in terms of how long the process would take? Is there anything that I can do or is it all on him? 

His rank will have nothing to do with it.  It's actually more a "phase" thing.  That's what they call it.  Basically there are different phases of freedom (for lack of a better explanation).  I can't remember all of what it entails since it was just stuff my husband took care of.  He did all of that stuff and I took care of the move.  Don't worry, you definitely won't have to wait long.  When you go out for PIR, just make sure to get a copy of his orders.  You will need to do that to start the move process.  You will also need him to get a power of attorney for you.  He can do that at legal really easily once he's done with BC.  I would also recommend looking into off base housing.  We have been able to save a decent amount of money that way.  We live in Northgate Apartments and love it.  $960 for a two bedroom and BAH here is $1215.  Some people prefer to live in base housing but I'm really glad we don't.  It's not technically on base and it is privatized so non-military as well as military live there.  And they seem to have regular problems with break-ins.  Our apartments have security and we have never had a problem.  And there are a lot of military and even some law enforcement that live here.  It's worth looking in to.  :)

Hi Girls! My husband is graduting on the 21st of this month!!! can't wait! I am also planning to move there, because after that he is going to A school he told me to start looking for apartments there, even if we don't live together, But I am reading all these comments, and it seems that he can actually live with me right? He is also going to Advanced Elecronics :) so I will just go there and live in Great Lakes, by December, so please anyone that also will live there let me know or that live there already :). We are newlyweds and I am from Mexico, so everything everything is new for me. Thanks for all your comments and support!!! 

Yes, JESSICASS, he will be able to live with you.  He just has to do a lot of paperwork.  When he gets over to his new command after BC he will just need to go to his chief and they will tell him what all needs to be done.  :)

By the way, the reason why sometimes you hear that your sailor can't live with you during A school is because of the different lengths of schools.  His orders have to show that he will be in Great Lakes for a minimum of 6 months.  ET orders will always be a minimum of 6 months so you will be fine.  

Anti M, they are doing pretty good now. The first year was extremely hard. They were married for almost 6 months before they spent the night together in their own home. The hardest part recently has been that she works nights and he works days. His job doesn't have a night shift and her command wants her on nights. It really isn't going to matter too much for a while. She recently got back from a month long training workup on the her ship, she was home a week then left again for training with her squadron, when she comes home again she will have very little time before she deploys for 10 months. So I am sure for them it is going to feel like she was basically gone for a year. It is really hard but I think in some ways it may be easier because they understand what the other is dealing with and they both understand the demands of the Navy. If they can survive this deployment then I think they will be able to handle pretty much anything life throws at them. At least I hope so. 

Good to hear they are hanging in there.  I hope the deployment flies by for them.   

The first two years we were married, we saw each other a total of 28 days.  I didn't re-enlist after nine years because we could not be stationed together again.  So yes, I understand how a long, long separation can make a stronger relationship later.   We are going on 26 years in February.  I hope your kids have the same good joyous luck we have!

That is awesome Anti M, It is always good to see couples who make it :) I can't even imagine only seeing each other 28 days in two years. That must have been very hard. I will send your well wishes to my Sailors, thank you so much.

Ladies who have already received a letter from you SR. When did you get your first official letter from you SR? My SR has just completed week 3 (I Hope) and I have yet to receive a letter from him. I have a gap in my heart that needs to be filled and hearing his mind-set right now will help to fill that emptiness that I have.

Any Help?

Bittersweet....usually the first letters come between week 3 and 4...I believe mine was towards the end of week 3 while he was in boot camp. Hang in there - you'll be getting one soon. Once you do, you can happily check your mail box every week - whatever day you get your first letter is probably going to be your normal letter today - mine was always Thursday. So look for it soon....after week 3 things get easier...promise you!

This site has been EXTREMELY helpful in guiding me through this whole process. Before my husband joined the Navy I had NO idea AT ALL what to expect but now sometimes I think I know more about bootcamp and A school then my husband whos experiencing it lol .... I would love to be able to get some insights on what to expect AFTER A school. Realistically how often do you get to be with your SR, I know they'll be gone ALOT, should I expect alot of moving around? 

Michelle- I think how often you get to see your sailor depends on his rate and where they need him. Ships will be going underway all the time and sometimes for long periods of times. Sometimes it's a couple of days... My dad was a PN for 21 years. I remember only 2 tours where I barely saw him because he was always out to sea. The other tours he worked at the PSD (where they issue IDs) and he was home all the time! We moved every 3 years until I was 15. Again, it depends on the rate and where they need your sailor. Sometimes you can even request another tour in the same place. When we got stationed in Japan, many of my friends grew up there and even graduated high school there on the Naval Base (a total of 18 years!) Take advantage of traveling! I know it might seem like a drag for your family but if I didn't move around and live in Japan I would have never met the man I'm going to marry! Who also just became a sailor! :) Good luck to you! And sorry for the novel here... lol

I was in Japan for 12 years, 3 the first time on my own orders, then was stationed there again for a nine year stretch.  That nine years was one set of my own orders, then two sets of hubby's orders when I got out and became a dependent wife.  So it is possible to "homestead" near a larger base.

Hey, I substituted at the Yokosuka base high school (Kinnick) for seven years.  I knew some of the kids from 6th grade right up to their graduation year.  I was sad we transferred before they graduated, the school isn't big, I worked daily, knew the names of every senior ... felt like family.  I sure miss them all.  Weirdest thing, I went back to college in San Diego, and there were kids I had taught in Japan in class with me!

Anti M, what years were you there? I was in middle school in Yokosuka from 2000-2003. My friends went to and graduated from Kinnick in 2007

Thank you so much ladies for sharing your stories. What exactly are "tours"? My husband is going to be an Advance Electronics Specialist, do you think that would require him to be away a lot? I just want to prepare myself for what to expect. Also is it difficult to have a "normal" life when you have to pack everything up to move and start new every couple of years? I am also worried about my daughter and how she'll handle the transition..... I think my friend might be right about the traveling part, she saids that traveling around the world would be an amazing experience for everyone BUT me lol I'm terrified to death of getting on a plane 

@K ... I left in 1996.  That was when the school was 7~12 on one campus.  When I left, they made me Grand Marshall for Homecoming and gave me a "Red Devil until the end" plaque.  It is a great school.  What is the mascot for the middle school now?

@ Michelle, a "tour" is the long deployment for a ship. Six to eight months or more every year or every other year.  It varies a lot. Is your husband  going into the AECF program?  If so, he will be an ET (electronics tech) or an FC (Fire controlman, fires the missiles/"big guns").   Those are sea-going rates, so expect a ship first.  Subs have SECF (pretty much the same thing), and there's AT for aviation, all advanced electronics.  Ship, sub or air, do you know which one?

"Tour" can also refer to a stretch of orders at any duty station, sea or shore duty.   An accompanied tour is usually three years, but can be extended longer if the sailor is needed at that command. Extensions might be voluntary, or maybe not.  

Why are you afraid of flying?  Because it is unknown?  It is very, very safe.  Annoying, but safe.  Practice relaxing when thinking about flying, get your head used to the idea of it.  If your sailor has stateside orders, you'd probably drive to the new homeport because the Navy won't ship your vehicles and you have to get them there yourself.  They do pay for gas and mileage for moves on orders, but it is early days to discuss that.

AntiM- I was a Dragon in Middle School. Sullivans elementary was a dolphin I believe! It was a great experience and I LOVED Japan and all the friends I made there.

Michelle- I understand your concerns with your daughter. I honestly didn't mind moving until I had to leave Japan before I started high school. Every experience will be different but I think everything happens for a reason and I am so thankful my dad gave me the opportunity to travel around the world! :)

Michelle, I think that its really hard to tell you what to expect as far as how long or how often he would be gone. My husband has been gone most of the last two years he has been in. With bootcamp and A school then work ups and then an 8 month deployment he has probably been home about 7 months now. but we could get lucky and he might not have to end up doing another deployment for the rest of his enlistment bc his ship will be in dry dock for some time. But he could still get sent to another ship. It is really hard to say for sure with the military. I dont want to say what it will be especially if that doesnt happen for  you. As it rarely is the same for anyone. Kids are pretty good at adapting. Its a great opportunity for her to learn new things and get some exploring done!! I know kids always have an adjustment period but I think she would enjoy it too. As far as flying... Its definitely really safe. Especially comapred to driving. I was terrified to fly bc I get motion sickness really easily. I have a lot of ear problems that messes with my equilibrium. But if you have anxiety about it you can look into dramamine. I had to take it when I flew to Virginia because I was getting sick everytime the plane hit turbulence or changed elevation.

Meagan is so right. It is so hard to know exactly how it will all unfold. My daughter and her husband spent the first 5 months of marriage apart. But they have been together almost the whole time since then. When she finished c-school her ship was dry docked and he is shore duty. She was gone on the ship for a month for training and she was home for a week before the squadron left for more training in Nevada. She will be deployed sometime after the first of the year and will be gone for several months. But I think they have been pretty lucky to have had almost two years together before deployment. Some will deploy right away while others will stay stateside. It depends on so many different things. You just have to be ready to go with the flow and where the waves take you :) You will be fine. Think of it as an adventure.

Has anyone else seen "Married to the Army:Alaska"? It's good. the waterworks are flowing over here, but am so proud I am on the path to becoming a navy wife to a wonderful brave sailor. It's on OWN if you want to see, but have to warn you that you are likely to cry! :)

Haven’t gotten a call from my SR yet and it is driving me crazy.... I am holding onto my phone for dear life and its getting so bad that when my family calls me to check on me I get frustrated that if they don’t stop calling I may miss his call. Last week I was complaining about the letter and now it’s the phone call. Don’t judge me! Lol

Loving a sailor is a high price to pay. Loving him truly is hard when he's away.
It's being alone with nothing to hold.
...

Rickysgirl23 thank you for that it was very touching :-)

MiMi what is your sailor's status?

Finally recieved my call, I was holding my phone in my hand when the call came through, it didnt even do a full ring before I answered it. Im just glad to hear that he's okay and would couldnt have declared our love for one another any other way!

Happy Thanksgiving!  How is everyone doing today?

Hello! My name is Chelsea, and my boyfriend is in basic training. I just joined this group. :) I am having a good Thanksgiving too, even though I miss my sweetie! Hope you are all having a wonderful Thanksgiving!

He went into Basic on Nov. 6th. His PIR date will be on Jan. 4th. I'm sad because a long time ago, before he began the Navy, he told me to go on vacation with my mom. My mom had this huge trip to Mexico all planned and paid for, but it is on Dec. 31st-Jan.5th :( I haven't told my BF that the 2 dates collide yet. I'm not sure if I should wait until he calls or in a letter.

Oh ok. my boyfriend went in on the 6th but graduates on 12/28. I would do it in a phone call just because letters take so long and you don't want it to be a stress on his mind. 

Ok that is good advice. I kind of felt the same way, that it would be less stressful in a phone call. I can't wait to hear from him again! I hope we all get calls/ letters soon!

Be careful waiting for a phone call. They are not a guarantee. There is a chance you could not get one until after battlestations. And even then I have known people that didnt get that one. I missed every phone call until like the week before his PIR. So I would definitely say prepare a letter just in case you do have to send it. If he told you to go and its been planned for sometime chances are he probably realizes its a possibility. Maybe for Christmas you can ask for money to buy a plane ticket to go visit him in a school :)

The phone call thing really depends, my fiance missed all of his phone calls because he was taking his prone test on one and he had wisdom teeth removed the other time. He actually called me in the last week before boot camp ended because his division had won the captain's cup. They were rewarded with phone calls.

yeah it really does. I mean my husband got like 5 other chances to call me I just only got 2 of the 7. And the last one was literally two days before his graduation.

Got to talk to my husband on Thanksgiving! It was only for about 10 min but I was so excited to hear his voice! Got his letters finally too! Also found out I get to see him at Christmas!

@sailorgirl... is he in A school or boot camp?

If he's in boot camp, there is nothing either of you can do yet.

If he is in A school, it is all on him.  He has to put in the special request chit.  All you can do is research what the county where you want to get married needs to get the license (which you normally cannot do without him present) and to have all your personal information on hand to be added as a dependent (SSN card, certified copy of your birth certificate, etc).  

@Anti M I always see you giving advice and important information. You are very helpful. I sent you a friend a request. I would like to message you to get some information if you dont mind. Thanks.

I went ahead and sent a letter about not being able to go. I was afraid if I told him over the phone that would be all we talked about. It wasn't the main focus of the letter though. The focus was more so on me planning to see him after. I told him I was going to use my tax return to see him in A school. I also told him my Dad promised to help me go see him.  I mailed him part of the McDonald's bag from when we went to get McDonald's before I took him to the recruiter's office on the day he left to basic. I told him I have the rest of it in a box of stuff I look at when I want to remember all the good times we shared. He has no idea that I have been saving random stuff like that since we started dating.