Boot Camp Moms (and loved ones)

CBMom - my son is finishing up week 3 this week (PIR 9/23) though he arrived on 7/11 and wil have been there 4 weeks as of this coming Monday.  I don't like the great silence either - I wish he could/would write more often - but I try to focus on "no news is good news' - still it's a roller coaster ride of emotions. When is your sailor's PIR?

While I aboslutely adore my son's GF (future sailor) - I have tried to warn them just how hard this is going to be on their relationship. I hope they can make it work, and I fully support them in trying - just want them to be realistic - and I want them to wait on the whole marriage thing. I do think they are unrealistic in believing if they get married while in the navy they will have a lot more time together - and I know that's not the case - but of course who is going to believe little old mom over here!?!? LOL 

Tgcunny - keep us posted! 

Tammybikerunfaithlove- thanks! My son is a week after yours -9/30. Did you get a 2nd letter yet and if so when was that? Hoping to get one next week. 

I know it’s so hard asking them to be realistic. You are likely right that they think if they marry they might be able to spend more time together. This letting go and letting them make their own decisions stuff is HARD!!! We don’t want them to suffer any heart break or failure. All we can do is try to advise and support from the sidelines. Just keep telling him you’re here….

CBMom - i got my second letter (first real letter after the form letter) on Friday... and my first real call on Saturday evening. 

Letting go is SUPER HARD!  

Oh good so maybe the week?! ;)

Good Afternoon - Hopeful for all of you to get letters, and phone calls soon!!

So, chiming in on the marriage thing - since I haven't gotten my other discussion created. Here is some basic information to share with your loved ones - Some of this is gleaned from others who I know have had kids go through this and from my own two.

If you have a sailor marrying a non-sailor, then definitely they need to wait like BelovedbyHim till an E3, I think she mentioned. If that sailor, is going through the Nuke Pipeline - school takes all of the time and there is no time left for much else. That said, if the wife can be supportive and understanding of that, and is able to find a job, work on her own schooling, self-education or projects - then if she can be an understanding helpmate, she can actually be a breath of sunshine in their otherwise very demanding schedule. 

Sailor marrying sailor - 

First of all, know there are sailors who have had their gf's drop them if they did not end up qualifying for the rate they initially signed up for. Hopefully, that is not the case, but FYI.

If they are going for the same rate, then most likely they will not be able to serve together in their command and they can be sent to another command in the region which could be a couple of states away. (Sorry, I am not very detailed with this as I don't know the specific terminology.) 

If married and they are different rates and able to still be assigned to the same area, but under a different command, then while one is serving shore duty the other is likely going to be on sea duty. It may be possible that both will do shore duty at the same time, but not necessarily. 

Without giving specifics, I personally know that if one sailor is on sea duty, the other has to be on shore duty, because they do not want two parents out to sea at the same time. But also, there is generally a 3-year shore / sea rotation. So, if a spouse is already assigned to shore duty and the other spouse is on sea duty but reenlists, then they would have to extend their sea duty time, until the one on shore duty was done with their shore duty and they would be swapped, I think. 

Bottom line - Sailors getting married does not guarantee that they will have more time with each other!! 

And for moms / dads, others - FYI - If they are living together and not married, that is not an issue in the eyes of the Navy in most cases, but if they are serving in the same command, especially on the same ship and they get married, then one of them will be assigned elsewhere, two married sailors cannot be out to sea together. (This may not be as hard and fast a rule as it comes across, but it is the more likely scenario). One will have to be either assigned TAD (temporary active duty) elsewhere, which can be a headache in and of itself, or they will be transferred, which like I said early, may mean another base or such. 

Chipmunk thanks for chiming in.  I've copied what you've written to save as a word document for if/when the day comes my SR or his GF bring it up.  

Hello, are the decorative anchors for the room door a Navy Lodge custom or is it OK at the other hotels in the area?  Trying to determine what to do, I love the idea but not sure about the security aspect since most I have seen have the SR name, Div, etc.  Thoughts?

I've stayed 3 times at the sonesta suites es near the base and see decorations on the doors. I know you probably don't want their name on it but I've seen division numbers..

Amy - I would check with the motel. You should be able to call them and ask. Some motels will not let you put anything on the rooms. Years ago, we were at a dance convention and our head instructor wanted to put the names of the kids on their doors so we could find each other, and the motel management said No. We just had little paper cutouts and the doors were not painted as I recall for tape to be an issue. 

Trey shared one hotel that seems to be okay with it, but I would definitely refrain from any last names - and DO NOT post pictures here with the last names, but otherwise, we love to see the ideas. 

Tammybikerunfaithlove - You are welcome!! If you need me to be more specific, I can eventually get you at least a PM written which you can share with your son and his gf.

1StepForward - LOL!!! 

It really just depends on the motel/hotel. But also, it is a PERSEC issue as well, so many families only decorate inside. ME - I just knew that we were not allowed to take anything to PIR, and I never thought about at the motel. My son, is rather a "less fuss, just put money in my bank account," kid. 

Laura - Welcome to the BC Mom and Loved ones group, we are glad you have joined us!!

Amy -- I suggest that you hang the anchor and any other decor on the INSIDE of your room.  Due to OPSEC and PERSEC as well as personal safety it's not a good idea to advertise that 1 your room will be empty on Friday am and 2 that you have a sailor.  There was a post a bit back about local gangs targeting sailors.

1StepForward -- Even that would be up to the Hotel but Inside the Room... What they don't know won't cost you!!

I hadn't even heard of decorating the door and it never even occurred to me to do so.  My sailor would not have been thrilled though.

tgcunny-- YES!!! Oh Dear heart... Enjoy and soak up every second!! I'm Excitedly waiting with you!! Since it's now Thursday I am sure your call is coming soon!!! {{{{Hugs while you wait!}}}}
Share with them about those struggles!! Added to being young and just getting started, He will be gone, depending on his job, maybe gone a LOT.

CBMom  -- We didn't get to 34 years without a LOT of hard work, tears, fights, love and forgiveness!  There is NO promise that there is any one thing that guarantees a long and happy marriage! If they DO decide to get married, ANY OF your kids..., They will need YOUR support.  Be there for them. Support them, DON'T Take sides!! It's easy to believe that your child can do no wrong but really.... You know them!  Don't get involved in their spats beyond encouraging them to work it out together or with a counselor. Remind them to forgive each other for the little things and to avoid temptation AT ALL TIMES!!! When they are apart, hanging with Opposite sex friends is a VERY bad idea!!

Another consideration for you all to share with your young single sailor if they do get married young and it doesn't work she may get part of his pay and if there are children involved, they will get most of his pay.  I always pray for the best but since my DH was an officer he had to council his enlisted (Some were as old as he was) when they were dealing with these issues! It was heartbreaking to hear of the hardships that the sailors faced when the inevitable break up letters and divorce letters started to arrive on every deployment. (I use he and she but it happens in the reverse if the Sailor is female and the spouse is male. (Child support is Expensive!)

Chipmunk--- You are welcome to copy and save any and all of this to add to your blog/post/message.
I hope Anti-M can chime in on this topic a bit more too!

1stepforward  - I was taking a sip of my coffee when I read your comment (for anchors, not marital advice) and almost spit it all over my desk! LOL  Thanks for the chuckle to start my morning. 

Chipmunk - thanks for the offer to put something more specific together. Of course I'd love that - but only if and when you have the time. You are so kind! 

Speaking of relationships - my son's GF sent me a letter - it's arriving today according to informed delivery. Rather excited to hear how she's doing. Wish my son would write more but....  I'll just be patient for now. 

belovedbyHim you are so right about the kind of work it takes to get to 34 years. My hubs and I just hit 23 years and still going strong - but not without a few bumps in the road, especially once we had kids. Even now - as I struggle with letting go of our first born and trusting God's plan for him, and struggle through the roller coaster of physical and emotional changes as I make my way through peri-menopause - I sometimes joke with my husband that it will be a miracle if he stays with me (sometimes I can get so angry for no reason at all or at the littlest thing!).  But our success is built on love, mutual respect and good communication. We married later though - and for both of us, that helped a lot. If we had met when we were in our early 20s, we would've never gotten married - we were soooo different then - which is what we try to explain to our kids. Not that it can't work at that age - clearly it can - just depends on the two people and how they approach it and how much work they put into it. 

Happy Thursday ladies....we are sooo close to the weekend! 

Good morning! My son left for bootcamp Tuesday. Trying to get a rough idea of when he would graduate but not sure if that is even possible to do until he makes it through the P part of bootcamp and then gets assigned a ship. Also, his recruiter tried to tell me Sandboxx was free but everything I've seen shows this is NOT true.

Laura  Welcome!! I'm also another recruit mom (My SR arrived on 7/11 and has a PIR date of 9/23)  And you're right - there's no free version of Sandboxx. Also keep in mind, you might get an address for your SR from there and while it's often accurate, it's not always accurate. So hold off sending your SR any letters until you get the official form letter from him (2 to 3 weeks after his arrival). This group is great for information and lots of support/encouragement!  

Be sure to join your PIR group.  Here are the links:

PIR OCTOBER 22

PIR SEPTEMBER 2022

PIR AUGUST 2022

Hi Laura - the Sandboxx app is definitely not free.  Be sure to read the info I have posted regarding Sandboxx.  Here's the link:

Sandboxx app while in BC

Remember - Sandboxx should only be used while in boot camp.  It is NOT recommended for use after.

And Laura - you're most likely looking at an October PIR.  Be sure to join that group - the link is posted a couple posts below.

tammybikerunfaithlove -- Just a reminder that the NAVY highly frowns on communications between Sailors of the opposite gender unless it's directly related to training.  Relationships can and have gotten SR's into a whole heap of Hot water.  I do believe they are also not permitted to send mail directly to each other. 

Hi Laura -- Deep breath!! It will be ok.  No Sandboxx is NOT Free and if you do choose to use it be sure to use all of it in BC because you DO NOT want to EVER FOR ANY REASON Use it after Bootcamp!
I left you a link on your page to my blog (Or click on my photo and select my blog posts from there)  I Give you a break down of what the weeks should look like.  To figure PIR Count 10 Fridays, Unless you SR leaves on Thursday or Friday -Then it likely will be 11 but may be 10 if they are in a Push Div.  So you are Looking at ~Oct 7.  You won't know that for sure till you get the form letter but that should give you a good guesstimate.
The Day he Left is P-0 or Travel Day.(Tuesday). Wed would have been P-1. Today will be P-2.  Tomorrow P3.  Sat and Sun will be P-hold. Next Tuesday will be P-5. That's the Biggie day!! They have to pass the run this day to move onto training.  If all goes well then Week 1 Training Day 1 (W1TD1) Should be next WED.  This is the day they mail the form letters.  Those can take another 5-10 days to arrive. (the 3 weeks of the "Great Silence")

Regarding the Recruiters.  We tell you not to call them for several reasons.  1-  They are really not supposed to give out that information due to OPSEC. The Navy considers the SR's Adults and will not disclose info without the SR's permission and even then.... 2- They don't always KNOW.  Sandboxx IS Free to the Sailors.  They don't know that you paid for the postage to get the letter back so they think it's free!! They also may not know what DIV your SR is in.  Stuff happens in those first few weeks that can cause a change in DIV for many reasons.  3- Their job is done!  They are there to sell the Navy to young people.  While I don't fault them they are Salesmen (And women) first and foremost.  for many of them, once your Child leaves MEPS to go to RTC, The are done and moving on to the next future Recruit. There are AMAZING Recruiters who will keep in touch and check in on the family but they are few and far between.  Just know that it's not personal but it's the Nature of the Job.  They are evaluated on how many kids they recruit that actually make it to BC!  When your future is dependent on How and what someone else does, you will work hard to make sure that you keep them motivated to finish but once they have you will move on to the next one (Or 10!) to keep them going.  They don't always have the time to respond to you.

Ask ALL Your questions.  Give voice to your fears.  Shout your triumphs!  We understand better than almost anyone what you are feeling!  We've been there. Done that... Got the Grey hairs and wrinkles to prove it!! And we are delighted to offer Aid and comfort to those who are just starting on this journey.

Welcome Laura! You will love the support you get on this site. We are all in this together;) My SR’s PIR is 9/30.

This Mom is bursting with pride and relief! I got a call from my Sailor yesterday and we talked for about 40 minutes. He sounded so good. He's kicked a$$ on all his tests and is on track for PIR next week. I can't wait to see him and give him a giant HUG. The past 9 weeks have been a rough ride (for both of us), but we've made it. I thank God for my resilient, driven, compassionate, and kind son. He is a light in my life and an example of unflagging determination and faith. 

Thank you for your clear headed advice and counsel! I read through these comments when I felt lost, anxious, and at my wit's end, and I found solace, hope, and some laughs. I appreciate your generosity!

All the best to your sons and daughters, and to you, Navy Moms. 

1StepForward -- Oh Dear... What did I say? 

WHOOP
WHOOP
WHOOP 
ATTENTION ON DECK!! WE HAVE A SAILOR!!!
JOIN ME IN CONGRATULATING Athenasbow's SR ON A JOB WELL DONE!!!! BRAVO ZULU!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS Athenasbow!!! Hoping we are having similar joys in a few weeks;) Enjoy the moments next week!!!!

Good Evening!!/ Morning by the time some of you read this. I won't be on a lot, but I will try to read and keep up.

Laura - I am so glad you found your way to our conversation. Your address will come in the form letter, which should arrive in 2-3 weeks. Occasionally, you will receive a call from your SR before you receive your form letter. If so, be sure to ask him what his Ship # & Div # is. If you get that information, we can help you with the address and we can also give you the link to the security form which is also available on the RTC Bootcamp website

Athenasbow!!! - Congratulations to your son!!! Thank you so much for sharing and letting us know that you have been following along. 

Just a reminder - for those of you that Have a new sailor that has passed Battle Stations or you have been to PIR - be sure to come join us in the Beyond BC  group. It is a group to allow you to stay connected to others with sailors all over, they are the ones that come and help answer your questions, and will continue to support each other through our Navy journey. 

1StepForward -- Ahhhh... Got it! I was worried I'd upset you for something I said.  Yes. I remember well how lost I was and how kind the ladies here were to me!  I was gone from here for a few years after my sailor completed BC but came back when I saw a mom post and you could just hear the tears in her post.  She sounded as lost as I had been and yet also proud and just... All of it.  I felt compelled to answer and I have just stuck around since because they just kept coming and then.... Covid and ... Well I couldn't leave those poor moms!!!  So here I am.  Trying to encourage you to put on your big girl panties and KNOW that it will be ok No matter what but yet knowing that you are hurting and missing your baby and trying to adjust to a new life that even if you knew it was coming, still left you feeling unprepared!!  If I can offer a kind word instead of a harsh reminder... I'll always choose the kind word.  I do try and share some realities as well but I don't want to scare you all either! So some of my posts may use more words just to clarify the tone and meaning so it's a little easier to deal with.

belovedbyHim - are you referring to contact during bootcamp? Or even after bootcamp? They know not to even try to connect during BC. They wrote each other letters prior to heading to GL so that when they missed each other, they'd have letters to read. 

Athenasbow - WOOOHOO! Congrats to your sailor! That's exciting news! 

Happy Friday Ladies!  I have a letter coming from my SR today - so excited!!! 

Happy Friday! I have two letters coming today AND I believe he did BS last night! Hopefully I’ll get that call this afternoon! 

BelovedbyHim - We’ll we are so thankful you came back!!! I honestly talk about this group every day and how supported I feel. It’s like we are all on a ship together taking a journey:) Ok maybe multiple ships but going to the same place - since some are ahead and some are behind. Journeys are always easier with other people. 

tgcunny - I can’t wait to hear about your SR and BS!!!! Sailor coming! 

Tammybikerunlovefaith- Those are some remarkable kids - writing letters to each other beforehand. I hope they can figure it out - sounds like they really care for each other.

1StepForward - I felt same reading Belovedbyhim’s remarks to Laura. Good to be reminded of what we’ve been through so far. I realize I’ve also been holding my breath during this Great Silence time. It’s terrible- I just want to hear his voice so badly. 

Laura - You are one of us now. You might be on your own ship but we are all nearby and traveling together. Best to talk to everyone when you are feeling lonely or need some support. We are all here;)

Good Morning Everyone!!

Those of us that have been around for awhile, enjoy reading your posts and encouraging you all as well. I am also thankful for BelovedbyHim - her story reaches out to a lot more of you than mine does, so I am always happy when she shares. 

tgcunny - waiting in anticipation with you as well. 

Chipmunk- you are a lifesaver ring are you kidding me! You were the first one to reach out to me. I’m so thankful!! Sorry I did not include you on my last post. 

Happy Friday - I've got my RED on!

Be sure to join your PIR group.  Here are the links:

PIR OCTOBER 22

PIR SEPTEMBER 2022

PIR AUGUST 2022

CBMom - No offense taken. I was referring to my story because I am one of those few, that did not shed tears, I think I got a little teary eyed when talking to my sister, but that was partially because I had lost my mother earlier in the year and could no longer call her. My story is just not as dramatic as others. I did look at it like him going to college (almost) because I knew that he had almost 2 years of schooling before going out to sea. Now that I am five years into this journey, have a sailor DIL now, and my youngest who still yearns for his brother to be back home, knowing my sailor, laments a little not being able to return home - his wife reenlisted and hopes to continue - I no longer look at it the same way as when he went to BC. 

But I do my best to help reach out to the new moms and connect with all of you. I love the ship analogy and that is sort of how we all work with this group, with the Beyond BC group that I started over a year ago and just in general on this site. We all have our journey, but we are all connected to the larger whole. 

Today's PIR happening now.  Here's the link:

LIVE PIR 8/5/2022

tammybikerunfaithlove -- Only at BC.  They can send word through you but they cannot write directly to one another (At Boot Camp)

tgcunny  -- 2 Letters!!!! WOW!!!! I am still hoping that you hear soon about your sailor.  (Just know that No News is STILL Good News.  Sometimes they are so tired they choose not to wait for the phone to be available!)

CBMom -- Yep.  I liken it to we are all in our own boat but on the same sea.  I have already charted a course through boot camp and so I can help others navigate those waters too.  Chipmunk took a different path (not harder or easier or better or worse, just different) and so she can help those who are similar to her.  Other's in our group found their routes and with all of us sharing what we experienced it will help at least one other mom to also Navigate these Navy waters.  When your sailor goes to A school... There will hopefully be moms there who can point out the "reefs and shoals" and let you know where to find calm waters or safe harbors.  And again when your sailor is in the fleet... You will be encountering so much that is known and unknown that just having someone that you can shout a "Mayday" too that will understand and know how to help is useful. 
I find that this page (compared to the FB groups I'm in) there are no egos. We are just wanting to encourage and support each of you as you need it.  We want you to get to BS21 and PIR and Say "I'm ready for the next adventure".  This is the Choice you Child made.  You may or may not have had any say in it but here you are.  For at least the Next 5+ years You are A Navy mom.  Even when your sailor leaves You will still have been shaped by this experience and I for one Hope it shapes you all for the better!

Athenasbow - BNMH to you and a BIG salute to your new SAILOR! HE DID IT! YOU did it! Overcame your fears, overcame functioning in the dark, overcame sporadic communication, and now you know the meaning of Semper Gumby! Keep that motto as your Sailor moves on to A school. It gets easier from here (he's got his phone back!) what with more regular communication, and once he gets his orders you'll again know where your child is. I'm happy for you both!

I HAVE A SAILOR!!!!! My son said his division scored second highest out of the 12 divisions. So proud of him and his division! 

tgcunny - WooHoo!!  Bravo Zulu to your new sailor!!

BZ to all the new Sailor's!

Be sure to join your PIR group.  Here are the links:

PIR OCTOBER 22

PIR SEPTEMBER 2022

PIR AUGUST 2022