Mine and my fiances story and my worries

[WHITNEY (B's WIFE)]

ok i need a moment to do this...IM STRESSING OUT ABOUT IT ALL...ahhh a little better but not much. ok story.

So i have been dating my fiance for 2 years in January. We are engaged. He decided to join about 2 month ago and here is why... Ok so the company he works for said that if they hired him that they would pay for the rest of his school because at the time he was 19 and had had his associates degree for 1 or 2 years...but a few months ago he found ot that the rules and other things had changed which meant they were not going to pay for it..Now for a back story...So when we had first started dating he had mentioned he had thought about joining the military not specificly Navy, but i had then said that i couldnt go through that he would be too hard and i couldnt deal with him being gone etc.Fast foward till now, So his brother who is the same age i am (18) signed up for Army and left for boot camp in April and came home September 11. Before he came home for good he got a chance to come up for the day during his AIT when he left that night i started thinking about Blakes face as his younger brother talked about his basic and his AIT training, His face lit up with the talk of him getting to blow a tank in half with a bazooka. So the next day it was sunday we were at his apartment and i just started baling and he asked me if it was because i missed bryan ( he is my best "guy" friend :) ) and i said a little well after a while of random cryin he said " Whitney i know you are not this upset about my brother leaving now what is wrong
I said " well watching your face while he was talking about the stuff he had done....and i have known it was a matter of time until you wanted to join and your going to weather i want you to or not so...If you still want to its ok with me..."
As i said this i started crying to where i couldnt see and he pulled me into him and i couldnt see his face because mine was in his chest, but later that day he had told me when i said that he started crying, because he knew what that meant to me and how dead set against it i ws. Now Blake never cries i might have seen him cry once or twice. so the fact that it meant that much too him made me happy. But monday i looked on the internet for information and told him about it. But i never thought he would really sign up...maybe go talk to a recruiter but that was it so wensday we went to the recruiting office and talked to them and we both liked what they said. We have always planned on getting married and this could help us get married sooner than we had thought, we would never have to worry about money and insurance,and both of our schooling would be paid for. And they told him that he could get into the Nuclear Engineering program just by looking at the practice ASVAB he had taken in the office, he made a 95. So i told him he should do it even though i really didnt but the benifits were too great for him not to and i know that but its still hard. So he told me that if he felt the same way about joining ,after he talked to his parents thursday, Friday morning when he woke up that he was going to...So friday came and he said he felt the same way. I can remember talking to bryan and panicking over the phone and him telling me that it wasnt that bad...But monday we both went back to the recruiting office and before i knew it he was filling out paperwork! So wensday he went to meps and on asvab he made the same 95 and he got the Nuke program ( which he wanted) That night i really started thinking about it how he would be gone even when we started having kids...and i panicked. I talked to him that night and begged and cried for him not to take that oath give it another month wait till your brother comes home like you said you were going to. We ended up in a back and forth argument and i was crying to where he couldnt understand me.. hhe got off the phone and i cried myself to sleep. The next day i tried calling him all day to see if he had and his phone was turned off all day and it wasnt until my psych class at 530 that i heard from him and of course during a test i flew through the rest of the test and ran out the door with my phone and called him back he answered and with a shaking voice i said" did you do it" he said yes i did im sworn in and passed the physical. I had prayed that his shoulders would not let him in (one was dislocated and never properly fixed and the other one i think i cnt really )remember what he told me will need surgery one day) But i said let me call you back. I sucked up my tears and walked back into my room told the teacher that i had a family emergancy and left. When i got in my car the song that was on the radio was Carrie Underwoods Just a Dream and for those who have heard it not the best song for that moment for me to have heard. But i cried all the way to my house and when i got there i sucked it up and called him back trying my best not to cry...i said ok what now when do you leave and when are we getting married. Since then it has been really hard on me and i try hard not to let him know exactly how im feeling but he can read me like a freaking open book and knows anyway so everytime he asked brings on the waterworks and he simply pulls me into him and puts my head on his chest and tell me its going to be ok that he is going to be ok. that right now is my biggest worry something happening to him at baisc and i dnt get to say goodbye or that i love him and i wnt get to here his voice that is the worst part. I think i would be ok if i knew i at least got to talk to him everyday and write but he doesnt get that i already told him while i was laughing/crying that he better do all he can to ensure that extra phone call lol he laughed at me but said he would. He is my best friend and i dnt know what im going to do without him here?. i dnt know anyone who has gone through Navy basic with someone just army and one person from the airforce and he just got out and she is so excited she said she cried during the whole Graduation Ceremony and when she saw him :) which made me want to cry for her :( but this is going to be the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life, is watching him get on that bus to knoxville and then no more talking the next day! Ahhhhh i want to scream at someone but there is no one? and i wake up, when i do sleep which is never because my stress over this is through the roof, i pray it was a really bad scary dream and i wake up and still in the same life with the same issue...but typing it has made me calmer but not lessed stressed lol. And we dont even know when we can get married! because we wanted either right when he got out of basic or 2 weeks after? but from what i have read they dont get anytime can they get leave for a marriage over a weekend and be back sunday night or morning? like leave late Friday night or early saturday morning and then be back? because im so tired of waiting i want to be with him everyday for the rest of my life and this big rock is standing in the way of it and i cnt push it out of the way and we arguee about it and i dnt want to argue with him right now i just want to get as much of him in as i can. I even bought him the best christmas present for him and im so happy i get christmas, our anniversary, and valintines before he leaves...and he wnt miss my bday maybe. But his Christmas present, he loves Georgia Bulldogs and sent me a link to a hat he wanted but he had already told his mom to tell the rest of his family that he wanted it...so i started looking and found a black and red jersey that you can get custom made with there name and nuimber so i put LEMAY and 23 for the number which is they day he leaves for basic and oddly enough my birthday in may...i just thought about that lol but he is going to love it!!! and has to be the most expesive present i have ever bought anyone but i figured he deserved it and it was 80 bucks for it so i guess it isnt that bad but i had already bought him a GA shirt with the Tennesee, GA game score on it...so now he has two shirts for christmas lol :) but it doesnt matter this christmas if i could i would have bought him the moon and anything else he wanted :0



So i guess im done now but still stressed out from it all but very excited about christmas but not the two months away that comes with it :( I wish we could just bypass Feb through June and it be over and we were married and happy :) but that wnt happen as much as i want it too :(
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