A Hole In Our House

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

That's the only way to explain it... a hole in our house... a vacuum... a black hole where Erik's being was. It's difficult to wrap your heart around it really.

I find myself seeking... seeking... seeking... watching, looking, probing for something that will jump out at me and say, "Erik is here; feel his presence." But it doesn't come. I "see" him around town, I "hear" his 4Runner drive up our street nightly. I hear his footfalls on the steps after the door closes. My husband slept in his bed the other night, wore his shoes the day after he left and feels like he was hit with a truck. Last night he broke down and cried.

I find that I can't live without seeing my Son's face; so I plaster his photo on my desktop at work, on my celly, hard copies in the kitchen, everywhere. But to look upon them brings a dagger to my heart and causes my eyes to puddle and spill over.

The oddest thing happened the morning after he left. I awoke after (surprisingly) a good night's sleep, and walked the 5 feet to my bedroom door. In that amount of time, and without any conscious thought, the tears poured out of my eyes. Poured... as in a waterfall... It was after they began falling that I realized that they were for my son.

I pray along the I-5 each day on my long drive to work. Pray that God
will carry my son when he is in the valleys and walk along side him
every minute of every day. I pray that God will keep muscle soreness at
bay, keep my son mentally and physically alert, strong of mind, body
and faith. That he pray daily and increase his reliance on the Lord.
That he become a leader... All those things that a Mother prays.

But most of all? I pray that my son is happy and knows he is loved.

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Thank you Ladies. We all have such wonderful sons and daughters. It deeply touches my heart to find so many women loving on their "boys." But it touches me even deeper to find so many fine young men and women willing to serve our country and defend our freedom.

May God richly bless you,
Cynthia

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Thank you Brenda! How very blessed you are right now to have your son home and in his own bed. I too would sit in my sons room and look at him. Of course, my daughter would call me a "creeper" for it and make me laugh.

April 11th will come on its own. Enjoy every moment you have with your boy up until the last second!

[2 navy boys]

My son's high school letter jacket that he worked so hard for is still hanging on the door knob in his room. Clothes still lying here and there. Can't bear to put them away or hang that jacket up. It would be like closing that chapter in his life that I was so much a part of.

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Thank you Ladies for your kind words. I still find myself "there". I go along and seem fine, and then the littlest trigger will cause me to cry. I seem to be getting all too used to the swollen watery eye feeling.