DEPLOYED SON DOESN'T KNOW HIS GRANDMOTHER DIED

[Alex's mom]

I truly believe that no one can identify with what I'm going through. I was very young when I had my son and my mom helped me raise him. My mom has always been a very sick woman but from the day my son left to boot camp her health began to rapidly decline. In January my mom entered into the hospital and my son shortly after was deployed for a 6 month tour. Before he left he asked me that if anything was to happen to her while he was gone not to tell him till he returned. I naturally dismissed his request because I was sure she'd recover as she'd done so many times before. A month ago she had a stroke and remained on life support for 2 weeks and sadly passed the day after she was taken off. I called the red cross the day she had the stroke and they said they could get the message to him but whether or not he'd be able to come home would be up to his commanding officer. So I made the decision to honor his wishes and not tell him. I couldn't bare the thought of him knowing and having to suffer it alone without being able to return to be comforted by family. The majority of people I know says I'm doing the right thing but there are some that say I should've told him. not only did he request that I not tell him but I believe in my heart he really doesn't want to know. Of course had he not made that request there'd have been no question.I speak to him almost everyday via FB and he's only asked for her once, 2 days after she died. Its almost as if he senses something is wrong. I think we all knew she'd be leaving us soon but none of us wanted to accept it. She knew it most of all, her hugs recently had been that much tighter and her I love yous were said with that much more conviction. They say the good die young and in her case that is definitely true, my mother was only 56. I begged God not to take her from me, I wasn't ready...he didn't hear me. Or maybe its to soon for me to accept that she suffered with so many illnesses and just maybe he felt it was her time to go. Selfishly I wanted her to stay. Losing my mom is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and this issue with my son is making it so much harder! (did I mention I was my moms health care proxy so the guilt of feeling I should have done things differently haunts me everyday & my only sister left back to Colorado, leaving me to care for my alcoholic dad by myself) The thought of having to break this news to him is heartbreaking. 3 1/2 months to go...will he ever forgive me? But what's worse is that I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.

[Hello2u]

there's a reason why your son made that comment,, I think he already knew what was coming,,,raising my son, the same way with grandma,,, I would wait and plant seeds,, until its said and taken,,, being he's not home to grieve with his loved ones...and where he's at, others may not understand :(  and prayers for strength and courage. for both of you. God Bless!