Every Day Hardships

[takemewithy0u (USS Hartford 768)]

My husband just got home from a two week underway. Two weeks with him being gone and I felt lost. I wrote him emails constantly (once I figured out his boat address), and sent texts to his phone (even though I knew he couldn't receive them). I moped in my pajamas, on the couch, the recliner, or in my bed, for the first three days he was gone. It doesn't help that I'm pregnant and hormonal, not to mention I have a history of being easily susceptible to depression. The day he actually left I said goodbye to him, but didn't watch his boat leave, and I skipped out on a friend's son's birthday party. And I moped, for three days, showering and leaving the house only if had a craving (I was lucky I had a 4 day weekend from work). I made easy meals for me and my son and did my best to remember to take my Prenatal vitamins. By the fourth day of my husband being gone, I decided to get out of the house. I didn't do anything productive, like laundry, but I did make sure my mind was kept busy. I cleaned, visited people, got my son's haircut, went grocery shopping, and brought my son to a birthday party.

It is so extremely hard feeling like you've been left behind. You start thinking and the negativity sometimes wants to show it's ugly head. It wants you to believe you're alone and you have no one. It wants you to start picking at every aspect of your relationship with your significant other. It makes you think of not only the good times but the bad times too. You pick over what's not right in your head. You wonder if you can really do this, really be that strong woman who stands behind their man, no matter what. You wonder if you can follow them anywhere, bare their children and raise them on your own while your significant other is constantly out. I've felt and thought of all of those things, and you know what conclusion I came to? I can do this!

Before I met my husband I was a single mom. I got out of a troubled relationship with a "man" who didn't know what being a father was, after thinking that I couldn't do it on my own. One night, after a 3 1/2 year relationship and a 1 1/2 year old baby boy, I left... For good. There had been many instances before that where I had threatened and even left for a night, a week, two weeks, a month... and had gone back to my son's father. I was always so afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it on my own. But with the help of a couple of friends' and their couch, and the state of CT, I was able to get on my own two feet and get an apartment of my own. I struggled with dead end jobs, crooked slumlords, broken hearts, torn friendships, a custody battle, a car accident, living off unemployment and foodstamps while attending full-time school, and so much more... and I survived. So what makes me think I can't survive this? Because now I have a loving husband, a gorgeous four year old son, a baby growing in my belly, financial stability, a new car on the way, possibly a new and better apartment in navy housing, and true family and friends I can trust. I have a new family just by marrying him, who take my son on as their own grandchild and nephew.

So, when I think I can't do it and I'm all alone, I'll think about when it was only me struggling in that craphole apartment, worrying every day if I would be evicted. I'll think back to when I didn't know the man I grew to love and later married. I'll remember the people who didn't believe in me and the ones who now do. I can do this!

[AJVNavyMom]

You CAN do this!  If you went through all that, you definately can do this!

[takemewithy0u (USS Hartford 768)]

Thank you!