He left loving the Navy and now is having second thoughts

[Jordan (Ship-02 Div-950)]

First let me say what a stressful weekend PIR was.

My husband wanted to be in the Navy so bad. He picked his rate and 4 weeks later left for BC. In all his letters home, he said that BC was easy and that he was just ready to be done.

The last 2 weeks of letters I got the the tone changed. He said he just couldnt fight the overwhelming feeling of missing me. Well come to find out the last 2 weeks of BC during any down time, he would just sit and not talk to anyone. One of his shipmates went to the Chief and said someone is wrong with him. The Chieft talked to my husband and told him when he gets to Florida he needs to talk to a counselor.

When I seen him at PIR he was beyond the normal changed person. He was very withdrawn and sad. He wouldnt tell me what was wrong, until finally after 5 hours I got it out of him and he told me what was going on. Even gettting it off his chest. The entire weekend he was down. He begged me not to make him go back on sunday, which made me feel like crap.

He did so well in BC, passed all his tests with A's. Now he says that he just doesnt think the navy is for him. And he is very stressed about it.

I dont know what to do or think. I support him in whatever decision he makes. I just worry about his wellbeing. No one else seems to be having this issue. Everyone leaves BC happy. And mine left upset and depressed.

[Anti M]

Do try to get him to talk to someone. In the meantime, remind him the Navy isn't all boot camp. The worst thing he can do is try to walk away. If he decides the navy is not his thing, he can work on separating without any dramatic decisions. Just have him promise he'll do things the right way, for your sake. And that starts with talking to people who can help him. He can work through this to the next step, whatever that step may be.

Not everyone leaves happy. Not by a long shot. Hugs and best wishes for your futures.

[BunkerQB]

So sorry to hear he is not doing well. Remind him that you may be with him once things settle down. It's possible that going to a new place is like starting all over again - concerns about the unknown. Please encourage him to talk to a counselor and do not leave until he has had a chance to resolve whatever is bothering him. Good luck. Let us know how it's going.

[Jordan (Ship-02 Div-950)]

I just got to talk to him!!! They had him go talk to a doctor because it seemed he was wound up tighter than a rubber band. He said talking helped. He wasnt sure what the next step was going to be but he said whatever it is he would follow orders. He said he wasnt going to walk out on his contract. That he knew what he signed up for and however the cards fell he would be ok.

Thank you for your concern!

[BunkerQB]

Jordan, I remember my son calling home once during his junior year (in college) asking if it would be OK to switch majors (from electrical engineering to history) and if we would continue to fund his educational pursues. My answer was yes but he better suck it up and complete his degree because our funding was going to terminate within 60 days of his graduation. His father would have said 10 days after graduation - that is why he called mom instead of dad. Since we live in a increasingly technical world. Without a technical degree or some form of "skill" training, he would be another over educated entry worker at Starbucks.
Your husband is in a great position right now. He has employment with a wonderful organization which will provide training and education in a variety of fields. I am sure he is aware of that. That are no jobs in the world that is absolutely stress free and exactly what you want to do. We have to learn to adapt and buckle down to get the job done. Part of this is just growing up. There is a huge difference between a young man who is 20-22 and one who is 27/28. We don't know his family history but typically for boys growing up, it's critical to have a father figure during his teenage years. Even if he is raised by a single working mother, his "world view" of his role in society is guided by the male role models in his life. Was he close to his coaches, teacher, minister or ??? My son is not much older than some of the enlisted men who works under him but often the "life experience" is worlds apart. He has seen many get depressed, upset, angry and scared. He does his best to take them under his wing. The Navy could do more - lots more to help some of these young men and women adjust to being away from family and a familiar support system.
Keep letting him know that you are there. We will keep him in our thoughts.

[Lynne]

Change is difficult. No matter how good and how exciting it may be it is still stressful. He has had many changes in the last many weeks and now is looking forwad to many more. He was isolated, regimented and had everything planned out in detail fo him. Things will be different for him now and with your support he can adjust. It won't be easy, but it will be doable. There is no shame in asking for help. As a therapist, I think everyone can benefit from a little "counseling pick me up" now and then. It helps us to figure out where we are and where we want to be. Encourage him to not isolate himself, to take one day at a time, to choose one thing each day that he will do different than the day before and to set baby step goals. Soon, those baby steps will become strides. God bless you and you sailor and good luck!!

[BunkerQB]

If your husband truly does not want to be in the Navy, then support his decision and stand by him (whatever it may be). There will be other doors that will open for him. Do not let him think that it's a failure if he does not stay. Often knowing that the option to leave is on the table (and you are OK with it) is all that is needed to reconfirm his original decision. Let us know how things are going.

[MsMaria68]

OMG I have the same problem with my son;( Can they walk away from their contract? how eazy can that be? If they keep telling them that the Navy does not need them. Would be such a big deal if someone changes their mind? My son was such a good boy he never go out too much mostly from home to school and viceversa, he graduate HS with honors, never do drugs or anything like that, but he looked so strong, I was confident that the phisical work would be a piece of cake for him, turns out he's complaining about it, having to get punish whenever someone piss the instructors off, he doesn't mention anyone in particular but what Im saying is: it's like too much for him to take, specially since he grow up with out a father, so nobody ever was mean to him except for me of course but I just don't know what to do, what to tell him, he doesn't want me to encourage him he is not use to ask for help to anyone...but I know him and that's why I don't know what to do, what to say to him... all im doing it's cry and cry....im lost.