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I don't know what to do.
Views: 143
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Comment by Anti M on September 6, 2012 at 11:31am
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Warning, this reply is not sugar-coated.
You can either trust him or trust your instincts. Why are you trusting the word of a friend of an ex's sister rather than him? That should tell you something right there. The relationship is nowhere ready for you to make big decisions.
As for moving, don't do it unless he is allowed to live off the ship and gets a housing allowance and pays for the apartment himself. He's missing home, so he wants you in VA.... but you already don't trust him. A visit would be better to work this out than a move. Also, what about school, work, family? Will you be a Navy girlfriend only when he's in port and decides he needs you? What does he say about a future together?
The way you wrote this, I don't get the impression this relationship is on sturdy ground. Better heartbroken than broke and alone in VA when he decides you aren't what he wants in person.
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Comment by ebigirl on September 6, 2012 at 5:00pm
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I have to agree with Anti M. I learned a long time ago to listen to my gut. It has never let me down. You need to do a LOT of soul searching and thinking "is this really what I want my life to be like"? He WILL be deployed again, and again. Can you take the waiting at home (wherever that may be at the time) wondering what he's up to and who he's "talking" to?
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Comment by Josephine on September 8, 2012 at 3:52pm
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As the old country western song goes, "Your heart's not broken. It's just broken in."
Your post begins with, "I don't know what to do." That's your answer...you already know. Not doing something, anything, is what you need to do, until you DO know. Time allows you to know your boyfriend, and yourself, better. HIs being on deployment, your being separated, his future being one big question, your not knowing where you are in his future, all of that adds up to one big drama of CRIKEY.
Being in the question of "I don't know" is uncomfortable and people most often want to hear yes or no. But "I don't know" is the third option. We don't use it enough. It's okay to not know. It's uncomfortable, but so is life.
Anti M talks about trust. It's something that, if it's in question, only time will tell. You can't manufacture or manipulate time, or trust. Maybe the big question right now is, do you trust yourself?
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Comment by JayPea303 on September 15, 2012 at 1:35pm
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Thank you all for your advice on the topic. Trust has not been an issue with us before. My plan was never to move in with him when I got to Norfolk we just wanted to be closer to each other. I still have plans to move out there but I will wait until I can see him before I decide that Norfolk is where I am going to live. When I can look into his eyes and ask him if the rumors hold any truth I will make my final decision. I have the option to transfer with my company so I will not be with out a job when I do move. If he is not being honest with me I will know and have not set roots. So the first step will be a much needed vacation to Norfolk when his ship comes in this winter. Again thank you for the replies!
JayPea!
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JayPea, sounds like a good plan. Glad to hear that you have covered all of your bases as far as job and living situation. You know that he's going to tell you what you want to hear. Listen to your gut and follow whatever it tells you! Good luck, and let us know how things are going.
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