I miss him.

[Lindsay D.]

Generally speaking, I am an effective communicator. Typically I'm able to grasp my thoughts (as far fetched as they may be at times) and form a cohesive thought. It seems like since he's been gone, that has become exceedingly difficult. It's really sad. I know that time I have available to talk to him is limited and therefore I should be able to pull myself and my thoughts together well enough to come up with something to talk about, but I seem to draw a blank almost every single time. It's quite difficult communicating with someone who is not in your daily life, but once was. All of the feelings, of course, are still there and arguably are growing stronger. He doesn't really ever have that much to say when we're able to talk either. I don't know if that's because he's worn out or for the same frustrating reasons I'm experiencing. I find myself getting irritated that I always have to lead the conversation... it wasn't frustrating until I wasn't able to do it. It seems like I (we) are stuck in an infinite loop of mis-communication until he returns and I don't know how to change that pattern. All I want to do is pose as a happy, positive distraction to him while he's on deployment. It's not like we're fighting and things are actually "bad", nothing like that... it's just difficult to find subject matter common enough to talk about and also subject matter that can be talked about for more than 2.5 seconds. I've even tried taking notes through out my day to see if that would help me come up with something better to talk about... alas, nothing comes of it. Maybe I'm looking too much into and unnecessarily stressing myself out (I'm excellent at that...).

[AJVNavyMom]

Sounds like you are feeling lonely and concentrating too much on what to say, that when you do talk, you stumble.  Just let him talk.  If it's stale, move the conversation to whats going on in your town news or the weather.  Remember, he's used to speaking when spoken to.  He has learned to zip it and lay low.  I'm sure if you just relax, the rest will follow.  Good luck.

[Lindsay D.]

I'm very lonely. My mother & step-dad live in China... my best friend is moving away and my other "friends" are flaky at best. My future in-laws are very kind and supportive... we correspond a couple of times a week via text or email. Generally speaking, it feels like I'm totally alone in this. I get a WHOLE LOT of "you knew what you were signing up for". All I can think about when someone says that is how uncaring & inconsiderate they're being. I've made it a point never to talk to him about things like these (loneliness, negativity from others, being sad, etc.) while he's away. I think that might be why I was feeling so tangled. Learning how to keep things in their place for the better good has been a challenge. Things have gotten a bit easier since I've eased up on the internal freak outs. I did write down my thoughts about our communication, sent them to him via skype while we were on the phone and we talked about it verbally while on the phone. That may sound strange... but it helped. We've concluded that the time difference and available mediums of communication are key factors in our struggling communication. We've just decided to keep things light and not talk about things that carry too much weight while he's away. I miss him so much... after 3.5 months of being apart, it hasn't gotten easier... but time does pass quickly from time to time.