Letting go

[AZBmom PIR6/6/14]

I am so thankful I found this site. After I got accepted this morning, I was contacted by a member on chat. We chatted about various things for almost 2 1/2 hours. It was really what I needed ! She helped me in so many ways I can't even describe it. 

We took our first born boy down to the office on Monday. Said tearful goodbyes and left. I was ok for a while when we got home, but I felt really down. This day was set a long time ago. For months, it seemed so far away to us. Then it was 2014, then 4 months left. Suddenly it was weeks, and days. When it came I just wasn't ready yet. I didn't want to let go of him. I made the mistake of looking back to see him start to cry.. I shouldn't have looked.

That first night, I went around the normal family routine of cooking, setting up the table and still found myself in the habit of putting down his place. Suddenly reminded that he was gone was horrible. I picked myself up from it and later even went in his room. I don't know why teen boys insist in living in chaos, but I will have my work cut out for me... but not now. I can't. Not yet.... I did close his window he left open and shut off his computer. After a few tears and some laundry picked up, I shut the door. Maybe I will be able to tackle this in another week. But... not yet...

We both (The hubby and I) spent Tuesday texting him all day. Finding out when he was swearing in. He did that at 10 am. We couldn't go because of job obligations, but he let us know he had done his oath. It was set, he was really going to be leaving. From what little he told me, I was able to figure out his flight info. I didn't hear anything until he got to the USO at the airport. Probably one of the most memorable texts I got that day .."OMG mom! The USO is amazing!" " They have Girl Scout Cookies" . My son is a GSC fanatic! (Really, he found out online he can get schedules of where they are selling in town and when so we could go find him cookies to bring home!) At least we could text for the day... that helped me get through the majority of it.

Finally came the text, "I'm getting on the plane and will try to sneak texts to you when I land". I plugged in his flight info and we all watched him track live from here to Illinois last night. He had never been on an airliner before, let alone a solo trip across the country.

I got another 30 mins of texting in before the last one came...We talked about the flight, the boring movie he had to watch on board, the little brothers, the dog... just anything but what was coming. Then it came..... "They are taking our phones. This is my last text. Miss you guys so much". Now comes the wait for the call. It was late.

We got our call at 11:40 pm our time. Took us out of a dead sleep and scared me half to death! I managed to hit 'answer' and 'speaker' so we could both hear him. He sounded nervous. I knew this was going to be 'scripted' and nothing I could do.. we listened. Said love you and miss you... 54 seconds was all we got. I didn't sleep any more that night. Tossing and turning while thinking of what he is going to be going through the next 8-10 weeks of his life. Did I do enough to get him ready for this ? Will he handle being told what to do? Did we do the right thing in suggesting he do this with his life?

Then, today when I heard from another mom... it got just a little bit better. If she hadn't been there, I think I would have lost it here. It's really hard letting go of your baby and letting him find his own life. But, what I have decided... I need to be happy for him. He will do and see things I never will. He will have more opportunities open to him that me or his dad had. This isn't a goodbye forever, rather.... I'll see you when you graduate.

I'm hoping that thought this site, I can connect with other moms. Maybe make this a more positive experience rather than a sad one.

[LeslieC]

great post! Stay strong (((NMH)))

[AZBmom PIR6/6/14]

Thank you Leslie. It was nice to talk to you also this morning. I really think having all you mom outs there for support is going to be so important to me.

[arleen308 SHIP 13 DIV 151]

awesome post, AZBmom!  prayers and blessings to you and yours.  

[Navy mom 49]

It will get better zest mom. I cried for the first two weeks. My son has been there three wks now. I miss him a lot  but not as painful as it was when he first left. His letters and phone calls really help. Keep strong!

[dentalchick]

I just read your blog and that has been me all week and mine leaves Monday April 14. He is my oldest and is going into the Nuclear program and wants to do subs also. I am scared to death and just watching him pack up his room as been almost more than I can bear, I am with u and can empathize with you. Please keep me in your prayers also Monday.

[LeslieC]

What a great idea Judyr. I am getting a map

[AZBmom PIR6/6/14]

Thank you for the ideas Judyr. I will have to look for a map. It would be nice to his brothers too, especially the younger one.

[BunkerQB]

If your son is 17, 18 or 19 and never been out of the house - it's difficult for moms at the beginning, especially for your first born. A lot to learn. Big huge world out there. The Navy will take good care of him. HUGE career opportunity even if he doesn't make it a long term thing. But if your son is 24 or 25 and beyond, you should simply say, "Thank God." and pray he makes it and doesn't get kicked out for one reason or another. Good luck to you and your son.

[Belle's mom S11 D193]

I really like reading your blog post... do you write blogs on the internet other than these NavyforMoms, as you certainly have the gift of writing.

[AZBmom PIR6/6/14]

I have not as of yet. I really do enjoy writing as it seems to be good therapy in dealing with this "first child separation trauma" I have been dealing with. It puts my mind at rest to just get it out. My Aunt happens to be an author. I had not considered it myself yet.