Setting Goals for myself while we wait

[rocksNboys]

I thought I was doing great. I wasn't crying, or whining about my son being gone. Today I realized I needed to change what I was doing though. I was writing to him every day, thinking of him constantly, and had retreated into my house. Waiting in the silence. Waiting for the box, or letters. Today I got up at 8:30, and did little things around the house. By 10:30 I took a nap. I wasn't especially sleepy, just tired. I realized at noon, that this was not good. I cannot retreat into silent waiting. I cannot retreat from the world. I miss my son, but retreat will not bring him home. He has a new journey, and now so do I.

My oldest son is at home; however, he is only home several hours a day. He works full time, is in college preparing to become a minister, and is engaged. I am looking at the empty nest, and need to change accordingly. Years ago I struggled with how to become a mother of children in school instead of a stay at home mom with babies. Over time I  went back to school to become a special ed teacher, since we discovered my oldest was dyslexic. Now I find that I must face the change that I have heard other mothers discuss. That empty nest.

Summer was my favorite time with my sons as my children grew up: daily pool trips, playing outside, gardening, trips to the park. Now it is different, and I must do it alone. So I contacted my friends and committed to going to an exercise class this afternoon, and attending my Sunday School Girl's Night Out this evening. I will need to schedule an activity with others daily, and set a goal to complete daily at home.

After we have set aside the traveling money for the trip to the Great Lakes, I am going to set aside some money to start taking Japanese embroidery lessons again in the fall. The trip to the Great Lakes has highest priority. Since my husband just started working after a year being out of work, we are working that first.

I have found I must speak my goals aloud or I can pretend they are not real. My son is working hard to become the man he will be as a sailor. I owe it to him, and to myself to work hard to become the woman I can be, instead of retreating. Next time I see my son, he will have changed. I have seen it in the sons and daughters of my friends. They come back more confident. Now it is my turn as well. I am not a mother of school age children, but young men. It is my turn to step up, and face the journey, one goal at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time. And today I begin...

[ebigirl]

You are making great strides! Your wayyyy ahead of where I was when my son was at bootcamp. It was also the end of winter in The Pacific Northwest, and most of us Natives are comfy cozy in our "dens"!!

The time really will go faster if you keep busy. I'm glad your planning on attending PIR. You will NOT be sorry. It is an awesome experience. Keep up the great and positive work...let us know if your having a bad day. We ALL have some of those. :-)

[Kurtmansmom]

My only child just left this morning from columbus Ohio for bootcamp. When I read your blog, I thought thats what I need to do. I been busy this last week preparing his graduationa and going away party, which was Sunday. Took him to the recuiters office yesterday. Then the depression sets in and I 'm already on meds since the day he inlisted. So, I couldn't even pull myself togeher this morning to go to MEPS to see him swear in again. But, my husband and a group of friends were there. So then I was in the dark in his room just crying, couldn't stop. So when I read your blog, I need to get it together, and start my new chapter. It's hard, really hard.

I know time will heal my pains and life does go on. So I need to pull up my big girl pants and get moving!

[rocksNboys]

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time, but be comforted that I cried on the Wednesday and Thursday after he left- all day and claimed I had "leaky eyes and nose". The post you read was a few days after that. It is awfully hard. His recruiter told him that "forewarned is forearmed". That is one of the best things about this site. I knew what was coming with the box, and that I needed to have friends doing this too. I read it every day. But I am still trying to make sure I get out, see people, exercise, and take care of me. (It is hard to go to the gym without him, since we did that together.) Every day I have to decide to do it again. I guess that is how we make progress. Keep in touch, and use the site to help you.

[Bet]

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. My only child  is in his 3rd week at boot camp.

I'm not crying as much but I miss my son very much.  I work full time and I keep myself busy. I am very proud

of him. I write him a letter every day and with you ladies I feel connected.

[Fancy Nancy]

I feel like I have found a "family" here with the EmptyNesters group.  I just joined--I found the N4Ms website two days ago and I don't want to do anything but read and respond.  This is better than writing in a journal.  Sharing feelings like this is soooo necessary.  Let's face it--we are suffering a loss and we are going to go through stages of grief.  I am truly an empty nester--my 20 yr old in in GL now (PIR on July 13) and my 23 yr. old moved to the city (Chicago) a week after his brother went to boot camp!  My husband died very suddenly and unexpectedly 4 years ago, so I am truly going this alone.  

My stomach was in knots for a week after my son went in and I couldn't open "the box" for several days.  In fact, I waited for his fiancee to come over and we did it together.

Thank you all for sharing your feelings.  It is comforting to be connected.

Take good care of yourselves!

[ebigirl]

Welcome to all of our new moms! It sounds like everyone is in the right place and taking one day at a time. My son has been out of bc for over a year now, but I will NEVER forget the feeling of grief and loss.

If I can say just one thing to help those of who have a child in bc now it would be that they are in a very safe and structured environment and are being taken care of. Believe in the system, and you will understand this on the day of their PIR. It is amazing what the Navy does with our kids in 8 short weeks. Take care and keep checking the site. :-)

[TriciaR Ship3 Div 239]

For mother's day my son and daughter gave me a recording book that I used to read to them when they were little. I Love You Forever.  They took turns reading the pages.  I have to admit I broke down and pulled it out just so I could hear my son's voice.  It's been a week today since he left.  I had to smile just hearing him though.

[atsmyboi]

Thank you for sharing your life with me. It is important that other moms know they are not alone, although we feel alone. Your words have inspired me.

[Sherry]

Oh how well I can relate! Our only child is now at Groton, CT for sub school, having graduated from BESS & now in ATT. It was so very hard at first...I too shed my share of tears. It helped having small things to look forward to; the "I'm here call, the info letter, the box, the first handwritten letter, the "halfway" & "I'm a sailor" calls. I to tell you that I missed not one, but BOTH of those final calls...talk about DEPRESSED! I was at work when they came & saw that he had called minutes before I could get to my phone! Since each call uses so many minutes, he didn't want to risk using any more time so called girlfriend. It was almost more than I could bear, but pulled up my big girl pants & moved on. Fortunately, before I knew it graduation came...so happy a were able to attend it. Seeing my son was wonderful...then of course we had to once again say goodbye...so difficult! We have not seen him since PIR, however, speak with him about every weekend, text occasionally...that makes things tolerable. I say all that to encourage, it really does get better! Keep busy, stay in touch, let your son know that you are behind him 100%, send surprises, etc...if you have a husband, renew that relationship, & PRAY. BTW, at age 54, I begin nursing school on monday!