WANTED: TIME CAPSULE

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Sadly, it seems that my blog posts are always poignant and I truly look forward to the day (most likely that will be May 21, 2010) when I can post something joyous and filled with excitement. In the meantime I'm mentally posting a little ad in the Classifieds (if there is such a thing) on these boards. It reads:

WANTED: TIME CAPSULE
Navy Mom desperately seeks
Time Capsule to take her back
to April 19 2010. Will pay any
price for another opportunity
to answer her phone when her
Sailor calls. All offers seriously
considered. Call 971-123-1234.

If no such opportunity exists perhaps I can rent an airplane to fly over Naval Station Great Lakes with banner flying behind it which reads:

BEAR! I'm sorry! Both your parents were in meetings when you called!
We love you and are devastated to have missed your call.
Please call again; we promise to always be there
for you.
Love Mommy

My son called yesterday and I missed it. My boss requested a meeting in his office and I left my phone on my desk. When I got back I saw that I missed Erik's phone call by a minute!. Frantically I called the number back; no answer. I rang up my husband, Steven, and he, too, missed Erik's call as well although he hadn't even heard his phone ring. There were no voice mails and the calls lasted only a few seconds so my husband speculated that perhaps the Navy was checking phone numbers because surely our son would have left a voice mail. For a few seconds I relaxed.

Then I logged on here and checked in with my group of Mommy's whose kids are in Erik's Division. They were ecstatic; their babies had called home and they were able to talk for 20 minutes! I was thrilled for them, truly I was. But it was really quite painful for me and I haven't had the courage to post anything about my afternoon until now. After all, they deserve to bask in the glow of their phone conversations without having to deal with my tears.

In the meantime, Erik called our home phone and left his voice mail there. I cannot express to you the disappointment in his voice; like we betrayed him, as if we didn't care. I cried so hard last night; I held Erik's "hoodie" against my cheek in memory if how his hugs feel. I left him a voice mail on the cell phone he won't receive back for weeks. And I've dialed the number he called from time and again, to no avail. It is only good for outgoing calls.

I have reviewed, in my mind, the past 22 years in which I've been blessed with my son and I cannot, for the life of me, remember any time I wasn't there for him. Perhaps there a few times when he was lonely at college that I didn't know about. But for every football game, every track & field event, every school production and every day of his life, I was there.

Until now... And I cannot fix it. He has to live with the idea that no one bothered to pick up the phone. I can only pray that my letter of last night in which I told him how sad I was reaches him this Sunday. Otherwise, who knows how long he will have to wait until he knows the truth?

I find these days that my eyes are always moist. I always feel as though I were crying. I don't cry every day, but I do have poignant thoughts many times a day as I think on my son and all the memories we share. I can only assume, that without realizing it, my eyes tear up.

WANTED: TIME CAPSULE
Will pay any price.

[2 navy boys]

Cynthia - I feel your pain, really I do. My son has been in Florida since Feb 28th waiting for his Aschool to start but when he was in BC I missed a call and was devastated. My son and I also did everything together. The track meets, band competitions, school events, baseball games......everything. I havent even hung up his letter jacket or picked his clothes up yet. On the bright side....your son will get another chance to call you and he will recieve your letters, just keep writing and encourage his friends to do the same. The time passes quickly and before you know it it will be PIR day. (My eyes still tear up too, especially when I get on this site.)

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Brenda! Oh my gosh! I'm reading along thinking how much I love Glacier Park and feeling your pain. And then I get to the part where you cut him of while making hotel reservations! I didn't know whether to laugh at the absurdity of it or cry, so I laughed as tears filled my eyes.

Thank you for allowing me to see that there is life after a missed phone call. I won't be completely satisfied until I hear my boy, but it's so nice to know I'm not alone in this faux pas!

Jana, Kelly & Wendy, thank you as well for walking along side me as we all go through this waiting period. Seems like we are all in the same situation, just at different stages of our "Navel Career." Your kind words help keep me from beating myself up too much.

Thanks to all you ladies for your support and kindness.

Hugs to all of you.
Cynthia

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Aaaaaacccchhhh! LOL. Thanks Brenda for the insight. I'm beginning to realize that. It still seems so unreal that Erik is gone. Intellectually, I know it. But I have still kept his room intact. :oS

[Cynthia=Proud Nuke Mommy]

Yea... we've raised some pretty special boys, haven't we? What is your son doing in your profile photo. It's such an open moment.