Wrong Place to Post? New and Need Advice

[princeaurora]

Please don't attack me, I've literally never posted on a forum site before this one. I don't even know if this is the right place to post.

Anyway, to start off, I am a 20-year-old (21 in September) university student who has just returned from studying abroad in Japan for a semester. I stayed in Kawasaki, and was using a bunch of dating apps at the time, so naturally, I picked up the odd sailor or two stationed in Yokosuka. My home in the states is actually near New London/Groton CT, near a sub base, so, it feels like I can't get away from them!

I found a pretty special guy back in February. We've been dating ever since, which, unfortunately, has only been about three months (as of next week, May 9th). I knew, going into the relationship, that I was making a big commitment, but I'm still pretty fresh (I've only ever had one boyfriend, and he attends my university back home).

My NEW boyfriend, however, is a dental tech and corpsman enlisted on the USS Ronald Reagan. Deployment for him starts soon, (as in, like, next week) and I am emotionally and mentally preparing not to see his face or hear his voice for months at a time. However, I feel that our situation is even worse in that when he "comes home," or returns from deployment, I will not even be able to greet him. I am stuck in the states for the foreseeable future, and am quite financially strapped. I have no extended family and my immediate one is in rough financial straits as it is.

He and I recognize the need for independence during this time apart. I need to build my career and my life as I graduate university, get my own place, my own car, etc, while he plans to attend university/medical school after his service is up and he finally comes home. But, we also want to share a future together, move in together somewhere away from our respective homes (I don't even have the luxury of being near him in the states, his home is Texas).

Most posts I see on sites like these and all across the internet do not seem to capture the same level of dread I have for our particular situation or provide realistic help. Most wives or girlfriends met their lover in the states, and he is deployed in the states, or dated for years and are married with children, or their sailor is ONLY at boot camp, etc....

I can only imagine how the girlfriends of submariners feel. I feel closest to their situation, unfortunately. I'm not a wife, I don't exist to the navy officially, and have no children or ring to tie us together.

I can't help but wonder if my sailor and I should TRY more, SHOULD HAVE tried more, to set up regular call times while he is on deployment, but...he will be in the middle of the pacific. There will be no regular way to call. I don't know what to do.

We can e-mail, send letters and packages, nothing nsfw, of course, and will not have any face-to-face chatting for essentially the entirety of his deployment. When he is in Yokosuka, hopefully for a majority or at least half of the two years, it will be easier, since he will have wifi/data to talk to me. We love each other very much and believe this will be an incredibly strong bond if we can survive these two years--which we want to.

I really don't know how to deal with this or conquer it mentally. I am not a strong person. I have severe depression and mental health issues. I am terrible with money, an only child in a toxic home situation, desperate to move out, but cannot. I have no nearby friends. I wonder if it was a mistake to commit this deeply to a person I only met 3 months ago. We love each other deeply, but I could barely handle the lack of physical presence when my ex was only 5 hours away in the states.

There are no support networks near my home, and I'm really at a loss for finding any advice for my situation. It's a combination of a long-distance and a military relationship. And, I'm sorry, but coast to coast isn't long distance compared to this. I'm not trying to outdo anyone, but I just feel myself throwing my affection to the wind. I need a support network willing to understand the hopelessness of my situation.

-prince

[lemonelephant]

Welcome. You did just fine. I see you have found Girlfriends, Fiances, and Wives of Sailors and I put some other groups on your My Page.

As far as a "regular call times", you are correct; that is not possible when he is underway. He may be able to have some computer time every now and then, so email him and/or send him PM's on facebook if you both have that and yes, snail mail and packages are great even if they take 2 or more weeks to get to him.

If you and he are both willing to put the effort in, then you can make it. You mentioned some issues you have. It is good that you recognize them so that you can take steps to make improvements.

Best wishes.