Has anyone had their husband or fiancé go overseas for deployment?

[ChelseaG]

My honey is currently almost done with A school in Pensacola Florida. He doesn't know his orders yet but he's heard there's a possibility of him going on an overseas ABH deployment. Has anyone experienced that? what was it like for you and him and your relationship? I just wanna get a heads up for what may be ahead. :) any advice helps :)
Thank you :)
Chelsea

[abuon18]

I don't have any info about ABH but are you asking about him being stationed overseas or being deployed? They are different.

Where he is stationed is his home port for a few years a time. Usually 3-4.

When he is deployed is when he elves his home port with his ship/crew to go out to sea for a few months at a time. Depending on his job can be 4-9 months. Then he returns to his base, where he is stationed.

Ex. My husband is currently deployed with his ship overseas for 6-8 months but will return to his home port where he is stationed in VA for 3.5 years.

[ChelseaG]

I should've specified :) I mean deployed :)
What's it like? Are you able to speak with him daily, weekly? How has it affected your relationship?

[abuon18]

Okay I was confused when you said "deployed overseas". A lot of people get being deployed and being stationed confused and with him still being in A school I thought you could mean either!

So before I start I will say everyone has a different experience with deployment.

We are lucky because we do get to talk everyday (Facebook chat & email) and if we don't it's not usually for more a day without communication (although there have been times when we have gone up to 2 weeks with not even an email). But I've talked to other wives whose husband's are on my husband's ship, and they don't get emails as often or to talk as often- in fact one wife I am friends with only gets an email two or three times a week. So it really can vary so hopefully someone whose s/o is an ABH can give you more insight into what deployment is like for them.

Overall it has been okay. We get to skype when he's in port (usually once a month his ship hits port) but not when they're at sea. It's hard because he was gone for his birthday, the holidays, our anniversary. He'll still be gone for Valentine's Day and my birthday before he comes home. Definitely has it's ups and downs like the fact that a huge part of your life is missing.... But the unexpected letters. Watching your countdown get smaller and smaller. Planning for when they come home. It's really hard at the beginning and at the end. In the middle you're in a routine and it's fine.

It's made our relationship so much stronger and really has deepened our respect for each other. Made us realize thing we thought were a big deal before really aren't. Made us appreciate the little things. You just have to be open and communicative. We have never had the type of relationship to keep things from one another & we have always been each other's rocks and that's continued. People will tell you to keep your stress from him or sadness but I didn't (well I did to an extent but I didn't lie about how I was feeling either) and I have found that having him know how I'm feeling, when I have good days and bad days, has made us better and closer.

[ChelseaG]

That's pretty much what I am expecting :) I know that it's going to be very hard to not be able to speak to him every day like I do now.

Do you live with your husband at his station?
We aren't married yet but engaged and I'm not sure if I should move with him when we do get married or not. I am in school for nursing and could possibly transfer schools... Do you think it's worth it? Is he home enough? Do you feel lonely at all or go stir crazy in a house by yourself?

Thank you so much for opening up to me :) it helps knowing we aren't alone!

[EmilyNicole98]

Hey there!

To add more insight about communication.. my husband was deployed for 6 months last year. He emailed me almost every single day and called me about twice a month. He was only ever on Facebook during ports and we got to Skype in ports too. But, he's a BM and one of only three rates that stands real watches during deployment, meaning he's busier than most. He was often standing watch all night long or half the night and he would spend any minute of free time the next day sleeping. Phone calls typically only last 10-15 minutes when not in port, which really sucks and the quality can sometimes be awful and you get disconnected a lot. You get used to emails though. It's not bad! Just different, like bootcamp letters all over again. We used to write novels back and forth to each other every day instead of just chatting back and forth for a few minutes. It was actually really nice and I kind of miss it!

As far as transferring goes, I can speak a lot about that! I transferred schools two years into my degree (social work). I'm still on track for graduation and it's the same price because military spouses are eligible for in-state tuition, making it completely worth it. It was fairly easy to do. I called the advising office at the school I was hoping to go to and set up a phone appointment with a counselor. I sent her my unofficial transcripts over email and she sat there with me for over an hour going over things and telling me what to do. I would definitely recommend you try to do the same thing! But if your fiance gets stationed in California, just a heads up that the schools there are NOT helpful. They were incredibly rude!

Typical hours....My husband's in dry dock right now, meaning his ship is being repaired and isn't going out to sea for a little while. He's gone from 5am to 5pm most days. But two hours of that is mandatory PT, which is not required Navy wide, and he never had to do until a few months ago. He used to leave at 6am and get home by 3:30pm and there was a time when he would be home no later than 12 or 1 every day! He has 24 hour duty every eight days. Depending on the department and the base, this could be every three days, four days, six days, eight days...it all varies.

To not go stir crazy - My advice is to make sure that you do not become one of those wives who just....sits. There's a disturbing trend with -mostly young- wives who follow their Sailor and then just....do nothing. They don't work. They don't go to school. They don't have kids or anything else to keep them busy. They sit at home all day every day and do nothing and then complain that they're depressed and bored and have no friends. Do not become one of those wives!!! You will make yourself crazy, especially when he's out at sea. Find something that keeps you fairly busy. School is a great distraction. I actually find myself craving duty days because my days are just as long as his and I'm constantly busy with class and homework. Duty days mean alone time to watch romantic movies on Netflix my husband hates and not have to cook or do anything but just focus on me. I live for those days now, haha. But during the summer when I was out of school, I was needy as hell and could barely handle my husband going to work for 6-8 hours. Trust me, your marriage will be a whole lot healthier if you don't just sit around and wait for him to come back. It's perfectly fine to get married and follow him, but make sure you don't lose yourself in the process. :) 

Also, I'm sure you're already aware of this, but just in case you aren't - since you aren't married, he will receive unaccompanied orders. The Navy won't pay to move you and your belongings to his base, so start saving money now unless you plan on getting married before he gets his orders. And cross your fingers that he doesn't get overseas orders because that's a whole other set of problems! 

[abuon18]

As far as moving with him when you get married.... I would definitely suggest it for the most part. Unless he is getting deployed right away. So my husband was stationed in San Diego, received orders to VA and then found out he would be deploying a month after arriving in VA.... We had been in SD for 2 years, I had a job, friends, we were settled. I didn't want to move back across the country to no job, no friends, and no husband. Have to rush to find a place to live and then settle in without him so I decided to stay in SD until he returns from deployment. You mentioned he could be deploying right away, and if he is I would definitely suggest waiting until he returns to move. Honestly I don't see the point in uprootin yourself when he won't even be there with you. You can finish another semester or two of school and have time to scout housing, schools and jobs for yourself.

Aside from that, I think that once you're married yes you should be with your husband. Even when they're not deployed there are times they won't be home & they'll be out to sea but it's jut something we have to deal with. Besides the Navy won't allow you to live apart once he's permanently stationed. Unfortunately they don't care that you're in school or whatever the reason may be. Like EmilyNicole mentioned his days will be long (10-12 hours) but there are also times he'll work half days. They get all holidays off, like MLK & President's Day & all the "bank holiday" unless they have 24 hour duty like she mentioned (on those days they have to stay on the ship for 24 hour straight even overnight). A long as they're not deployed they can generally take leave whenever they want. Just be aware that EVERYTHING is individual to the ship.... Each ship makes their own schedule. When they are getting ready for a deployment they work A LOT more ... When they come home things are generally a little slower for a bit, a month or two.