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**UPDATE 4/26/2022** Effective with the May 6, 2022 PIR 4 guests will be allowed.  Still must be fully vaccinated to attend.

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Hello,

My husband left for basic training on 6/5/13 and since then things have been worse than we expected. We have a 1 year old daughter who is not coping well with him being gone. She has always been a big time daddy's girl and without him here shes been having nightmares and is very disobedient and angry towards me. Also she has separation anxiety, she thinks when I leave the room I am leaving her forever...She always runs through the house every day calling for him and looking for him till she realizes he still isn't there. It putting more stress on me and making this way harder on me than it already is. Before anyone says "A one year old does not know right from wrong yet" My daughter is very very smart and everyone thinks she is at least 2-3 years old with how big she is and how well she speaks. Me and my husband have spent every waking moment together for 3-4 years now and its hard on me as well being separated, even if it is this early into his Boot Camp.. Any advice would be helpful for me at this point in time because I'm so down in the dumps right now...

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Mine just graduated boot camp.  It is harder than you expect, but you learn to accept it better as time goes on.  He will get to call you a few times.  I got 3 calls in addition to the I'm safe call.  One 10 days after he left, one a week later, and then the "I'M A SAILOR" call after Battlestations.  Write to him everyday just like you were talking to him.  And although it doesn't seem like it while you are there, the 2 months goes by relatively quickly. 

It helped me to start making plans for PIR pretty quickly after he left.  Once you get that FORM letter, start looking up info to go.  What weekend is he expected to graduate?

Try to reassure her that daddy loves her an she will see him soon, when my husband was on deployment when we would hear a certain sound (bell, plane, whatever you choose) that would be daddy telling.them he loved them. Eventhough he is home now that sound still means daddy loves them and they tell me daddy loves me.

I bet your daughter is smart for her age but even when they are older they still cant understand it well. It is hard on them and if they see us freaking out they will follow.... my 5 yr. Old is very smart for her age but when daddy is gone she wants him and asks for him constantly along.with her sisters, they adjust and are very resilient. When daddy gets home they also have an adjusting period to him being back.

Did they loose any connection with their dad while he was gone? We are afraid the connection they had will be gone. We know it wont be as strong but we are afraid of it being gone with her being so young.

My husband went to bootcamp and when my youngest was 8 months old when he came back, for their bond it was like he never left. Although he did request lots of hugging from daddy. Try just talking with her, and acting happy when she is awake, dont let her see that you are hurting. Also do a couple of fun activities, like the zoo or a water park, or sprinkler day at home. It wont bring him back but it will make her happy. Or you can do things for Daddy since he isnt there, like make a card, or a movie, or anything. Also talk about how Daddy would want her be happy for him and proud of him and that he's doing this to protect you. 

I would get her excited by coloring pictures to send to daddy.  she may only be one but if she is how you say she is (which I believe she is) than I think that would help. my niece would constantly ask "where is uncle mark" (there are really close) so I would have her color pictures and I would take her with me to the mail box to send to her uncle mark :) its really helped. you can try to explain that he is gone for a little bit, she may not understand completely what a "little bit " is. if you are worried about her loosing connection i would make sure to put on and point out pictures daily. even put a picture it her room for her. sometimes being separated from parents, kids may remember them but when it comes to reuniting there is a time of "i know this is my dad , but who are you " in a way. they get over it very quickly if that does happen.  i would even print off pictures of her and ask her which one she would want to send to her daddy :) ..  I know what helped my niece a lot was praying for my husband every night. to keep him safe. she would always be excited to pray for him at night. i hope this helped a lot. everything will get better I promise. Its a big step in life and she will get use to it , it will just take time :) 

oh they also have those navy bears that you can put pictures in the face of your husband.. that's an idea. :)

We have already sent out his first letter from us. It had a picture she colored for him in it and we are hoping that will help my husband get through the separation too. This is also very hard for him because he is very emotionally attached to her... more so than I have ever seen a dad attached to a daughter. He loves both of us with his whole being and seeing his face when he told her goodbye, I saw that. Im just hoping our letters dont distract him from basic.

oh wow I can't believe you got his address already. that was pretty fast. I didn't get my husbands for about 2-3 weeks he was in. and don't worry your letters will help him more than anything. I sent my husband pictures with every letter. he said it helped b/c every time he got into his compartment my picture was on top and it helped him get through the day .

I didnt get his in the mail, his Petty Officer gave it to me. I called her and I didnt even need to ask her for it, she already knew why I was calling.

You can do this. My husband and I have been together for 7yrs and married over 3 when he left so I know what it's like to not have them by your side constantly anymore. And our daughter was 1 and half. She's a total daddy's girl too and also asked for him constantly. I went through a lot of the same stuff - acting out, following me around the house crying, not sleeping well, etc. We had got her a recordable book before he left so she listened to him "read" that to her each night, plus I bought her a "miss me doll" while he was gone when we saw how hard it was. Look into the dolls - it may help. I would show her pictures of ships and airplanes and talk about what he did at work and how we were going to fly to see him. Talk about him lots. I sent my husband a letter every day with stories of her, pictures weekly, and had our daughter color pictures for him at least once a week. It sucks and it's lonely and it's hard. BUT, it does get easier with time. You learn to adjust and you get stronger. And that connection between them doesn't go away. She was glued to his side graduation weekend and yes, it was heartbreaking to have to say goodbye again, but you get through it. We haven't seen him since Jan and he's missed all our bdays and missed all the holidays while in bootcamp. We still aren't reunited -it's been 7months since he's been home- but our daughter knows her daddy. She's calmed down and the anxiety and acting out has subsided (other than she's now in terrible twos!), but she is still a daddy's girl thru and thru and will point out his pictures and skype and call him. Try to keep busy - everyone will tell you that. But know that it's ok to sit and pout and miss him....and then get up and keep going. You can do this!

Thank you, your story was very encouraging. We are very much broke and before he left he left me with 30 dollars. Thats all we had left and wish we could have had recordable books and things like that. We have always scrapped by and we got tired of it so he went off to make a life for us. Im so scared of being home alone... We live in an apartment and Im always petrified of night time. Night time was our together time after our daughter was asleep so nights are the hardest on me. I never realized how much security he brought me just by being here. My daughter is also 1 1/2 so terrible twos are coming up fast. On the bright side his recruiters said they would more than likely PCS us to him in Florida while he is in tech school due to the fact its going to be so long. Im anxiously awaiting the day our family gets reunited.

I totally understand the money problems. He had been out of work over 2yrs when he joined. Things were super tight. The only way we made it that first month waiting for his pay to kick in was by me taking on a side job that made $50 a week. Not much, but God provides and you do what you have to. Nights were and still are the hardest. Once our daughter goes to sleep, it's hard to be up for hours by yourself and watch shows you normally would have watched with him or go to bed alone... that time of night was when I'd write him since I missed him like crazy. But it does get easier. Little by little. Learn to find things you like about having the house to yourself - less laundry and dishes, more pillows and space in bed, no fighting over the computer or tv.... you have to keep an almost twisted sense of humor about it. :) It's okay to miss him and be sad...and to still go out and have fun. To distract yourself. Easier said than done - especially those first couple months while they're in bootcamp. But it's a learning process. And know he misses you guys just as much! It sounds like you won't have to wait too long though. I remember how those days drag...but if his school is over 6months and you get to move with him, you'll be back in his arms in no time and you'll be soooo proud of yourself for getting through it! 

Where in FL will he be going to school? Maybe we can get together and have a playdate. :) My husband is still waiting on written orders, but he got verbals to Mayport, FL as his first duty station. So we may be there by the end of the month. :)

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