Heartbroken

[CTmomof3]

I haven't heard from my son in a long time. Spoke to him more when he was in BC and A school. Well, my husband talked to him for a few minutes last night and when he told my son how hurt I am that he does't call, my son said "I'm so far away I don't care who I hurt" OMG!! what's happened to him. He as cut himself off from his entire family and we don't know why. as everyone has been very supportive of him his entire life. The only one I know he calls every day is the GF. I am beside myself.

[Julie (Beth's mom)]

I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. I'm so sorry. You must be in agony. Is there anyway you can talk to the GF and find out what's going on and why?

[Pamela]

I do not know what to say to give you comfort, but I can tell you that I understand and share your pain. We don't know what your son is going through right now and that is so difficult. Where is he stationed? It is so painful to not be able to reach our "babies", just wait for them to reach out to us. My son volunteered for ground base position in Iraq. He just got there this week and I am dying to hear from him. My emails seem to fall into a black hole. Hang in there...you know how you raised him and that he loves you. Sometimes withdrawing is the way they insulate themselves against the homesickness they feel. I'll be praying for you and your boy.

[Martha and Alan (J's parents)]

I will be praying for you and your son. The lack of communication is very hard. Try talking to the gf and see what she can help you understand and see if that can help bridge the gap. Take care and keep writing him and letting him know you love him.

[CTmomof3]

I can't write to him because he doesn't know is address. That's what he told me when get got to the duty station in Aug. Don't have an email. I can just call or text or sometimes im and he won't answer those either. This just makes no sense. I did ask the GF to call me this afternoon.

[politelytwisted]

I feel so badly for you. My son is terrible at keeping up with communication as well. I learned early in BC that if I wanted answers to my questions in letters, I needed to create an amusing form with fill in the blank and multiple choice answers which apparently inspired him to better letter writing, but after boot camp...nothing! I'm lucky because I was in the Navy too and know the pressure he is under, the classes, the physical training. It's so easy for them to insulate themselves in their stress and distance themselves from us because they miss us so much. It is the most extreme culture shock you can imagine. Their physical appearance, their privacy, their every minute scheduled and scrutinized. Try to understand and in the meantime create a MYSPACE page. Blog to him about every day life at home and let the girlfriend know so she can pass it on to him...guarantee he will check it out. Take the communication to his level. I'm sure he will be in touch. Mine sends me birthday wishes, funny stuff etc. all on myspace. Now that I've found this site...maybe here now soon.

[Melissa]

i hope this helped heartbroken. your words helped me. i havent gotten to talk to my son going on 4 weeks now. havent gotten a letter in 2 . i am trying to be strong. not just for me but for him. this is really his first time away from home. he is also in the grad and go. he leaves BC for A school the same day.
i seen a commercial for this web site the other day . it is nice to see that there is someone i can talk to , to try to get answers to the growing questions i have. the not knowing is very hard.

[Anti M]

I am so sorry to hear you're in such pain. Hugs to you. There's some very good advice already given, I won't add, just throw in my support.

[Dianne (Drew's Mom)]

Hi,
I also do not know what to say. I know you must be in tremendous pain, and I want you to know we will be praying for you, your family, and your son. Are you on good terms with your son's gf? That could help a lot.

[Mary, Proud Mom of Nick]

Is he on a ship now CT? He maybe feeling a lot of stress due to his job or preparing for a deployment and just lashed out. I'm sorry that you are feeling this pain - hopefully you will hear more from him in the future.

[Coyote]

CT,
I'm so sorry for your pain. His words sound like he is lashing out for some reason. He is probably lashing out at you because that's what we do--lash out at those that are closest to us. He knows you'll always be his parents, it's safer than lashing out at someone he works with or his GF. Perhaps she is causing him some concern as well and it's hard for him to deal with her. The other thing is (and I believe someone else said this too) if he is homesick it often makes it worse talking to those you are missing. He's using this as a defense mechanism. Give him some time to adjust to where he is. Our son is actually very communicative. However, we felt him pull away after bc and a-school. He felt that we couldn't possibly know anything about life in the navy and of course nothing here (and I mean nothing) could possibly cross over to a military life, including just common sense. It was and is still a little frustrating at times because just ordinary life skills that even folks in the navy have to have, still evade his logic. He felt that he had to pull away from us to make sense of his new lifestyle. It's been a few months and now he is back to talking to us about the everyday things. Maybe whatever is bothering your son, he just isn't ready to tell you yet.
Hopefully, once your son works through whatever it is he is going through, he will open the dialog and let you in.
In the meantime, there should be a way to get his address through the navy. Send a message to the N4M administrator. She is a wealth of information and can probably give you someone to contact to get some contact information for you. You might try the GF to see if she knows something you don't, but if it turns out she is part of the problem (like maybe she is threatening to break up--or is complaining about the situation) then she may not be willing to tell you much.

I know it must be devastating to hear him say something like that. Be patient, hang in there. Send encouragement in whatever way you can. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted.

[Proud of my son (Susan)]

CT, from my experience BC and A school tries to detach them from mom and dad in may ways- try to break dependence. I think they have to do that in order to prepare these kids for the tasks at hand. My son did the same thing so I talked to the recruiter (I worked with his wife so I knew him before my son enlisted) and that is what he explained to me was happening. I know my son was very homesick and I think that maybe it was too painful for him to call home. Right now he probably feels like he is in limbo- not knowing really what is coming next. He will settle in. My son did and now our relationship is stronger than ever. My heart goes out to you and your husband- and to your son and I pray for peace for you.
PS- what a cute ferrett!

[Jean]

If you know where your son is stationed , call there and ask to speak with the Base Chaplin. Tell him what is happening and after giving him your sons name he will make the proper contacts. I would imagine you will hear from your son after that.