Heartbroken

[CTmomof3]

I haven't heard from my son in a long time. Spoke to him more when he was in BC and A school. Well, my husband talked to him for a few minutes last night and when he told my son how hurt I am that he does't call, my son said "I'm so far away I don't care who I hurt" OMG!! what's happened to him. He as cut himself off from his entire family and we don't know why. as everyone has been very supportive of him his entire life. The only one I know he calls every day is the GF. I am beside myself.

[Terri]

I know what you are going through. My son got married this past May and now he doesn't seem to have the time for anyone else now. I have tried talking to him, but he just says that he don't have time to stay in touch with anyone. He says that everyone should understand and know that he loves us and that he will call when he has time. I tried reminding him that we are the reason he is here on earth and that we will always worry. He just doesn't seem to get it. He thinks I am still being over protective. I tell him that I just want to hear from him more than once a month. When I try calling him it could take a week or more before he returns my call. I don't know what to do either. It isn't easy. I"ll keep you in my prayers.

[Kim (Lyle's Mom)]

Do not take this personal. My son is also "far away" so I to know what you are going through. They are in a place that I am sure we can't even imagine what ours "kids" have seen, heard, experienced, etc. They are I am sure exhausted (my son is working 12 hours a day/7 days a week) I am sure your son appreciates all the letters, cards and packages you are sending. We as parents can't help but as our kids questions, over and over. And my son knows that I am trying my best to hold back on asking so many questions. When our boys talk to there GF if gives them that little bit of comfort that we can not give them, you know "the warm and fuzzies". And keep in mind, he may of just been having a "bad day" and needed to vent a little. So, hanging in there and just pray that they are safe.

[Sue McM.]

I'm going through some of the same thing. My son calls his girlfriend every day since he got to A school last week. I got one letter and two very short phone calls while he was in BC and now haven't heard anything. I know he is getting a cell phone, his girlfriend told me that, but it is being shipped from his dad's place in Oregon. I don't know an address so can't write.

My son is my only child, though his dad has two other children and his stepmom two. I feel lost without the contact with him, but I keep remembering that he is a grown up now and finding his own way. He's probably overwhelmed with the changes in his life and doesn't realize how much the lack of contact hurts.

Obviously something more is going on with your son. He's hurting, too, for some reason. Cultivate a positive relationship with the girlfriend (though that may be where the source of the pain for him is.) If it weren't for the relationship I have with my son's girlfriend, I wouldn't know much about what's going on with him.

I will keep you and your son in my prayers and hope that he is soon ready to share what is going on in his life with you.

[Julie-Kyle's Proud Mom]

CT,
I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I feel for you sooo much. I would be crushed if my son said something like that So many have left similar advice to what I was thinking so I will not repeat, only offer my support and agree that it sounds like something more is going on with your son. Maybe he has been having problems with his GF since they are separated too and unfortunately as they get older their world doesn't revolve around us as much as ours does theirs. I am always telling my kids I will ALWAYS be your mother and ALWAYS worry regardless of how old you get. Hang in there mama and just try to continue to offer him support, give him his space and not push (I know easier said than done) He will work through what he is going trough and eventually realize that he needs you. We had a problem with our daughter (my step-daughter) over several years and she eventually came around. I know it doesn't make it much easier the waiting can be rough. My thoughts are with you. We are all here for you to talk. (((BIG HUGS)))

[Maureen]

Mom, I feel for you! My son is in A school now, and he struggles with school. Where is your son right now? His girlfriend must know what's going on, but I don't know if you should ask her for info, unless you really know her well. I would just keep texting him positive informaton, and perhaps, family updates, anyways. He needs to know that you love and care for him, no matter what. He'll come around, believe me! He must be struggling with lots of issues. Could be with his girlfriend, or even military drama. Just continue to tell him that you love and miss him, no matter what, and that you accept him, no matter what. Is he able to come home for the Holidays? My prayers go out to you and your family. Your son is hurting about something, right now. I feel for you, and I do know that he'll eventually come around. When the timing is right, he'll let you know, and he may just pick up, where he left off, and not want to talk about it, either. We need to just be there for them. Hope this helps. Maureen

[Cindy]

It sounds like he's discouraged and missing a lot of people. Maybe he doesn't want you to hear that in his voice. He knows who supported and encouraged him while he was in BC and A school. He knows how much you love him, you are his Mom. He knows how much the rest of his family loves him. It might be a good thing he's talking to your husband. They are both guys, and your husband can communicate with him as only another guy would know how to. There were times, when my son was in BC, that my husband was able to say the right things to him in letters when I couldn't because I was an emotional wreck over a letter we had received. Morgan did make it and is now in A-school. Don't give up on your son! Families are forever, gf's aren't. Your son will come through this and so will you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[connie]

You know what, CT: I had the same deal with my son-----at graduation it was the GF more---(I guess that's understandable at their age) but I felt hurt at first. he seemed to be calling her way more when he was in A school.
Are you in touch with the GF? What is he going to do in the Navy?
As Maureen said below--just continue to let him know you support him and you love him. Us Mom's sure go through a lot.... There could be things he can't explain (military issues (?) maybe he thinks it's hard for you to understand. When the time comes--just listen.
I'll be praying for you.
Take care.

[Jacqueline Manning]

Awwwww CT I am so sorry for your pain. Like alot of the Moms who have responded, I just dont know if there are words to comfort you. So all I can offer is a shoulder to lean on and a big cyber hug! Hopefully in time you will find out why he has become distant at this time. I would have to agree with another Mom who said this may be his way of adapting to being away.

[Lisa]

CTmomof3 I would also like to offer my prayers and support. What you are going through is very difficult. I hope he is just going through a separation phase that will be over soon. I agree with spitfire's post - contact his recruiter and see if he can find the address where you can write to your son. My son's recruiter was VERY helpful to me when the airline my son took overseas lost his bag for over two weeks. I just wish I would have contacted him sooner as he found the location of his bags in one day, when I had been banging my head against the wall for two weeks!

[Tammy]

Hey CT,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this now. I don't know that I can say anything any different than any of the other moms here to make you feel any more comfort at this difficult time. But just know there are a lot of people here that are thinking of you, and praying for you and your son. We don't know exactly what he may be going through right now, and how he is feeling. I want to agree with another mom, that sometimes people tend to push away the ones they love the most and are the closest to at their most stressed times. I'm sure this will pass,but until it does, I know this will be a difficult time. One idea, how close are you to the GF? Maybe if you and GF could get together and talk, she will understand, and be able to talk to your son about this. It's hard to see your child to do this, and I can only imagine the hurt you are feeling right now. But again, just know you are in our thoughts and prayers.

[Donna]

This is hard on us moms, are boys are growing up, this is part of the process of him being independent. You should talk to the GF, if he is calling her, I'm sure she will update you on what he is doing. She may even have an address so you can write and let him know your feelings. Just keep loving him, let him know how you feel. It hard to grow up and its hard for us to let them. He will come around. Hang in there.

[Lisa Becker]

HI ~

I am so sorry that you and your family are having such struggles!!! If you know where he is stationed get on the website for that base and get the chaplancy(sp?) phone number or if in school the number for there and they will tell you who to speak to for assistance. The Navy is very used to things like this. They will inform you that he is an adult but will help to guide him...if this makes sense. By the way, I live in Conn. as well...I am in Fairfield County...how about you?

Good Luck,
Lisa PNM of YNSA Joshua