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Since high school, I wanted to get into the military... Honestly, I never thought about the Navy and AF was it for me.... Right after 9-11, my mom made me "wait until the Wars over" which I respected and waited. I went to college and soon after met my current fiance.... We have been together since 2003 and I always told him I was going to join the AF.... He asked me to wait, and again, I did...Fast forward to Dec 2009. My mom asked me whatever happened to joining the AF. I told her with all the weight I gained, it would be impossible. She told me that with determination, I could lose the weight and join... so I did... I started losing weight and during that process did TONS of research and found the Navy to be for me.... So 26.8 lbs later, here I am attempting to shed another 40 before I can enlist.... My fiance has cerebal palsy and is currently getting tested for Diabates... Hes in no way at the point where he is unable and unfit to take care of himself, but I would rather he not travel and be somewhere alone in unfamiliar territory in the event something happens... He doesnt want me to lose the weight to join, but more to be healthy and at the same time doesnt fully support my weight loss bc he knows I will then go enlist.... Then he throws his disability at me and thinks that if he is diagnosed with diabetes, i will then have to stay at home with him and not join. His mother has joined in on this "guilt trip" as well and now I feel selfish for wanting to join.... Should I? Should I feel selfish if he is daignosed with diabetes and im leaving him behind? His father has a bad case of diabetes and often has "episodes" that have, twice in the last 2 years, put him in the hospital.

 

I know the answer is if you love him and you know he could be like his dad, to stay, but at the same time, i REALLY want this...

 

Thanks for any comments!

 

 

****Update as of 5/19. He rcvd a call back about his blood work... test results came back negative. No diabetes!!! Dr advised to keep up with a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent the future possibility of anything occuring.... Meaning a better diet and cutting back on those cigarettes****

 

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I come from a family with a LONG history of diabetes. My dad has been an insulin dependent diabetic for over 50 years (and is still doing just fine.) Three of my siblings are insulin dependent diabetics. IF a diabetic takes care of themself properly and eat correctly - they don't usually just have random episodes. There is now the insulin pump that help regulate their insulin much easier.

I would say - Think long and hard and then JOIN if you still want to join! You are the age where you need to live your life for YOU - not everyone else! Eventually, you will hold this against people if they are keeping you from fulfilling your dreams.
What is your ultimate purpose in joining? Can that goal be attained in another way? Just how important is this to you?
Which is exactly what the Dr told him... His problem, even though he has smaller lungs than most, he continues to smoke and drinks TONS of mountain dew.. The Dr told him if he cut down on smoking and cut back on the sugar and ate a diabetic diet, he will be fine and like you say, prevent any episodes.....

I want to join because I didnt complete college and feel like I'm not meant for anything else... School is not for me, but I want to make something of myself... I need that feeling of accomplishment and its not a feeling I'm getting right now. I'm at a dead end in my life. I'm not in it for anything else but to be a better person. We wanted to try the family thing and i would be a stay at home mom and he would work, but pregnancy is not coming easy for us, even though we've tried the last 3 years. So having the accomplishment of even being a mommy is not something I can do. I figure as this has been a dream of mine since 2000, nearly 10 years, I should go forth with it.
I'm pretty new at the whole navy thing but if you ask me, I think his bad habits make him the selfish one. If he continues to smoke and eat poorly then he is not thinking of any kind of future for either one of you (whether you decide the join or not). I think you need to thing hard and long about where you want your future to be. You have to make yourself happy first before you can be of any benefit to anyone else. If joining the navy has been a passion of yours for all this time, then do it!!

You have already made some positive changes by losing weight. You are not the selfish one. How many times are you going to wait to make others happy. If you are having doubts that's one thing but if you keep putting it off to please others then you are not living your life. Your mom's support right now is a wonderful thing and I believe as a mom she asked you to wait for what she felt was a good reason.

Last time I checked a relationship is between two people not two people and his mother. The guilt that they are laying on you is completely selfish!! If his results come back positive (which I hope they don't) then it is his fault for not taking care of himself.
Thank you Catherine! That makes me feel a lot better about my situation. He says until I lose the weight and enlist, THEN get to bootcamp and GRADUATE, he will continue with this conversation, but until then he doesnt want to talk about it. I don't know how to feel at the moment about the relationship, but I do know what I want, and 6 years of holding off bc of him is long enough to wait. I'm doing this with or without his support. I have the support of my family and thats all that matters. This is something I am passionate about and will set through on my journey to do it. It just would be really nice to have him on the journey by my side.... BUT everything happens for a reason!

Thanks again Catherine!
Anxious Future Recruit, Like I tell my daughter if you have a dream or are reaching for a goal. Go For It!! After reading your post I just had to comment. I can tell you from experience don't let anything stop you from reaching your goals. Way back when I felt sorry for this girl she had such a miserable life. I was going to change that. She was molested and raped by her step-father when she was younger. After telling me all about her misgivings, I ended up marrying her. Big Big mistake. My goal at the time was to be a Navy recruiter and make a carrer. But instead I stayed back to please my Ex wife. I have regreted it ever since. The only thing that came out good of that marriage was my three daughters. Which one is in the process of joining the Navy. I also agree with the ladies who said Run Run Run!!! Remember it's your future not is. Go for it girl.
By David B
Thanks David B.... What you went through, in a way kinda feels like what Im going through... You wanted to be with her to help out bc she had nobody to turn to... My fiance was stuck at home all the time and being self concious about his disability made him alone and he had nobody to turn to... We met online. Not one of those dating sites but he found my yahoo ID which caught his eye and we started talking. I wanted to just make him a better person bc he had just gotten out of a long distance relationship and I wanted to help him get out more rather than be cooped up at home... Well that didnt happen and we ended up together... i dont regret us getting together bc its taught me a LOT but I do regret not getting into the military when I had the chance. I dont want another regret when its too late... So im running towards my dream and if he chooses to run with me and is able to keep up then so be it... But im not gonna slow down for him.. Thanks for the support David B
Dump him.
OMG everybody at work is telling me that. They say I will meet many guys is the Navy with ambitions and goals. It's just hard after 6, going on 7 years of a LOT of laughter and heartache to just see it be thrown out the window.
You sound like a compassionate person. You have a desire to make a better life for yourself and your family (presumably that includes a husband and children one day). If you saddle yourself with someone who has not made any attempt to control his health situation after 7 years, he is not going to do that in the next 7 years. Get out now. I don't think you should even think about another relationship. Think only of what YOU can accomplish. Concentrate on your career and education. Someone will come along when you least expect it. Don't get suckered in further. If you were my daughter, this guy would have been history years ago. Anytime, you need a kick in the rear, just holler.
Good luck.
Thanks BunkerBee... He has made some changes but hes always coming up with some kind of excuse to not see it all the way through or to half a** it... I do need to focus on me now that I know what I want. Hes been my first everything and I need to focus on what I want and pleasing myself, whether hes in the picture or not. This is something I hear all the time, I guess its just something I'm not strong enough to face yet. We'll see how things play out. Right now, Im going to focus on losing the rest of my weight. So far, ive done it without his help and I will continue to do the rest the same. And wherever it goes from there, well, I will just ride it out.

Sending you a friend request if thats ok =)
He's trying to sabotage your efforts to join by continuing his bad habits and then blaming you because you want a different lifestyle. There are more regrets for things not done, than for things done. If you don't do this for yourself then you'll eventually come to resent him for his selfishness and romance will be over anyway. As for his mom, she sees you as a willing nursemaid. No wonder she doesn't want you to join, you won't be around to care for him, she might have to do it. Run girl, run as fast as you can, lose the extra weight and come and join the US Navy!
Chris, excellent perspective. Women (most) anyway are genetically pre programmed to be good nurturers (preparing us to be good mothers) but occasionally we find women getting stuck in a rut because of this desire to take care of someone else.
Anxious, are you afraid of success? Along with losing the weigh, feeling good and getting somewhere you will have to see yourself in a new light - you know, a successful, engaging, happy, good looking, desirable (sexy) young woman with a great future. Believe or not, some young women are afraid of that vision.
Well, don't be. It's wonderful to be wildly successful and the money doesn't hurt.

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