Good morning everyone!!!
My son is heading to Monterey as a CTI (Chinese) at the end of January. He really wants to marry his fiancée and move her out there as soon as possible. We think he needs to get settled and get into a routine before he even thinks about getting married or moving her out there. (Nothing against the fiancée, we just think he needs to take this time and focus on him and not worry about her.) Yes he thinks they will be fine if they get married and live off base in CA on a married military income. Now I'm NEW to this military life as a mom but from all my research 1. I don't think it's feasible 2. Are wives even allowed to go to A-School, from my research this is a tough school 3. Will someone at DLI be able to assist him with this information to where they can advise him to wait at least 6 months before moving her out there or just tell him she's not allowed to go?
I know this sounds harsh and it's not supposed to we really just think he needs to take these 2 years to focus on him and his training and stop trying to take care of her.
Can anyone tell me how going from bootcamp to DLI works? When will classes start for him? We are from Ohio so it's not like she's an hour away to where she can load up her car and go...
THANK YOU ALL IN ADVANCE FOR ANY INFORMATION - This is really stressing us out and we have tried to talk to her about just waiting but she "wants to get out of town and whatever he wants to do" I just don't know anymore...
Hi Divided_Duo - I've copied and pasted my comment that I left you in the CTI group. And with you posting in the general discussion there's a better chance now that AntiM or even BelovedByHim will see this and respond with more info regarding them getting married.
Hi Divided_Duo - I'm not familiar with the program your SR is going in to but I can confirm that as of right now there are NO live PIR's (graduations) from boot camp. They are hoping to open them back up soon but as of now RTC says it won't be happening for any of the July PIR's. Fingers crossed maybe it will happen in August. Your best bet is to join the boot camp group - I left the link in the welcome message on your page - and you can find more up to date info there regarding PIR.
As far as them getting married that might not be able to happen as quickly as they would like either. He will need to get to Monterey, get situated, and then he would need to get permission from his command to get married. Once he gets there his command will be able to answer questions as to the best way to handle that. And again, it might be better if they just wait a bit since he will be so busy with school. But, try to tell that to young love lol!
AntiM is a good person on here that could probably answer your questions about them getting married. Maybe she'll see this and respond.
Hi there - thank you so much for your response - I truly appreciate it!
You took the words right out of my husband's mouth, "tell that to young love" :-)
Thank you again - it is truly appreciated. BTW I love this sight, there is so much information it tends to make my head spin. :-)
Divided_Duo - I know some of the ladies mentioned have been busy but I will see if I can get some of the other moms to reply as well.
I was a young Navy wife(20). My husband was an officer (24). We were Stupid but young and oh so in love (or maybe just in lust). IT STUNK at times!! WE had to budget every penny and really watch what we spent because housing took fully 1/2 our pay (not including Cable and internet and utilities/Phone!) I think back now and wonder how we did it! In the 4 1/2 years of my husbands Sea tour he was gone for 2 1/2. (Not all together but 2 deployments and multiple shorter assignments) He had some schooling and he had to be at work at 7 am, would get off at 5 pm and then eat dinner and start studying till we went to bed at 11 or 12pm. We had 1 car and so I had to make sure my work schedule aligned with his or someone would get stuck!
It's not impossible but The life of a Navy wife is HARD!! You will always be Second and sometimes 3rd or 4th or 100th to him but you must always put him first because he has NO say in when, where or What he is doing. If she's willing to take on that servant spirit it's do-able. She will HAVE to work-- Hold off on having babies unless she wants to raise them in Poverty and the Navy will not pay for her to move to TDY( Temporary DutY) assignments (A school) so that bill will be 100% on them. They only pay for permanent assignments. She also has to be independent and able to do everything alone and yet she has to be able to allow him to come in and have a say too. It's an awkward balancing act. You get used to doing stuff on your own and on your schedule then the Sailor is home and you have to learn a new way, then they leave again and you have to change schedules once more, and back and forth and repeat ad nauseam.... He also may not qualify for some duty stations because he's married but he also could get an Unaccompanied Tour (18 months to 2 years) Where she is not allowed to go to where he is. That is always a possibility. (Especially given the language choice). It's a lot of stress and a Lot of work. They can make it happen but they have to be 100000000000000000000...% Committed to each other and to the marriage.
This is something they really need to discuss with each other and with parents. My own folks were supportive but they made it clear that my home was where the Navy took me not with them anymore. I could visit but for the first 2 years I didn't go back, they instead came to me. It was hard because I missed "Home" but now 33 years later I see the wisdom in their choice.
It's doable but it will not be easy!
Divided_Duo - I gleaned this information from another member who has a sailor with a similar rate to yours but not exactly so could not answer exactly but - "I do know it all depends on the A school length when it comes to spouses and housing. Not a good time to get married in my opinion. At least not a good time for the fiancé/wife to try and move....and his schooling may be stressful to where he wont have the time she needs..."
Secondly, she shared, "So I found this info = so a possibility since more than a year for A school that they MAY get BAH - I would assume Chinese would take pretty long...as much as I hate to say it joining the FB group will be more helpful for her. I think they have to join the one for Pensacola and then get referred to the CTI one in CA. "
"Cryptologic Technician (Interpretive) class "A" school is broken into two phases. Phase One, depending on the language, is anywhere from 27 to 64 weeks in duration; Phase Two, class "F" school, depending on the language, is 6 to 12 weeks long. The school is located at the Defense Language Institute, Monterey, California."
This isn't a lot but hopefully this is helpful.
I take it he has not gone through boot camp just yet? Because there is NO time for him to marry once he ships. No leave during or after boot camp, and DLI won't let him take any. He cannot come home between boot camp and school. There is no time on PIR weekend, Lake County has a 24 hour wait period for marriage and the liberty hours make it impossible.
Once he marries, he gets BAH for her, no matter what. What zip code is used for calculation, and whether he is allowed to live off base is another matter. Financially, the sooner they marry the better. Emotionally, if she can't wait, that's a bad sign she will do well when he deploys, or if he's stationed somewhere she cannot go overseas. It happens. For him to be successful in language school, she MUST take a back seat to the Navy. If she cannot, she has already sunk his chances. He will have long study hours in the classroom, mandatory extra study in the school house, and duty days. His time for her will be limited. It's like nuke school, 14 hour days or longer.
DLI is a joint forces base, and it is incredibly difficult to come by information online which is up to date. OPSEC for miles. I can tell you how the other A schools handle Live Ashore/Brown Bagger, and hopefully that helps.
Any school over 20+ weeks of seat time, not including holds, allows married student sailors to request to Live Ashore. If the student is married before boot camp, the spouse is eligible for a paid move. If the student married at A school, or while on holiday leave, the move is out of pocket.
For a student sailor to live ashore, they must put in a request chit and complete a packet. This varies from command to command, hard to nail down. In NO instance can they simply show up and move into an apartment. There are Liberty Phases, and they must complete phase one. Takes two weeks to a month to do so. If for any reason his grades drop or he is late to school or duty, the school can rescind his Live Ashore privileges. He could be dropped from the program.
The Navy does not ship private vehicles in the US, and he must have a car. Someone has to get the vehicle/s to California.
I hope this helps.
BelovedByHim and Anti M - thank you for responding and providing more info.
Divided_Duo - hopefully this clears things up a bit.
OMG - the responses I received with all of the information have been enlightening!
I truly appreciate everyone's response!!! I'm not sure if I need to go thru and thank everyone individually, is that what people do - I know that sounds ignorant but being new to this I'm not sure what the proper protocol is for when you receive a response! :-)
Divided_Duo - your response to everyone on here is good! I mean you could respond to everyone individually if you wanted but it's not necessary. They will see your comments here.
I'm glad you got some good info to help you process this and that you can pass on to your SR and his GF.
Let us know how things turn out!
Divided_Duo-- No you do not need to thank us individually. You will learn that we often comment to multiple people in a single post. I'm glad we are able to help. That is the Primary reason we are on here. We don't come seeking glory but we want to help moms, Sailors, SO's,dad's, siblings.... IF our experiences can make the way easier or better or just less scary then we are happy to do so!