Complicated situation: "international" relationship

[Nifra]

Hey,

 

 

My husband and I are kind of in a rough spot atm, and any advice (or if anyone has been in this situation) any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

 

The long story short:

 

- My husband is currently in A School, about to finish in February (and looking good so far at making AAP). He's also currently ranked E3.

- We got married on December 29th.. Which would have been before he was supposed to get his orders but for some reason they gave them out sooner than expected (Meaning.. He's currently listed as having no dependants..)

- He's getting stationed in Yokosuka, Japan... His representative told him he would have to be ranked E4 to be able to bring his family over (Although we heard from others a bunch of E1-E3 already have their families there - how?)

- I'm also 20 weeks pregnant, due in June, which is why I'm kind of rushing to get an answer.. Even if it doesn't happen (moving there) until this summer, it'd at least be nice to return to Japan with him after his paternity leave.

- And the last detail I'd like to mention is that I'm Canadian (and over 21).

 

My questions are: 

 

- If you were able to bring your family overseas before you got your E4 rank, what procedures did you have to follow?

- Will I still be required to apply for a US Visa in order to move to Japan or would a Canadian passport do? (I eventually plan on gaining citizenship and staying in the US after my husband finishes his 3 years in Japan)

 

 

Thanks in advance~

[Anti M]

The E-1~E-3s I knew of with spouses there acquired them locally... Japanese wives.  I don't know who is telling you "a bunch", but I was stationed there for 12 years. I wouldn't say a bunch, in fact, very, very few.  I was in Yokosuka, be certain your information is Navy-wide or specific to that base.  

He can put in requesting a waiver granting you command sponsorship, but he can't do that until he checks into his command.   Yokosuka commands are notorious for denying the waivers, the base simply has NO housing allotted for junior sailors.   The bright spot is that many families evacuated after the tsunami, and many of them did not return, so housing may be less of an issue.  

The SOFA visa is granted with command sponsorship, I did know Canadian spouses on base.  However, things change all the time, so he will need to ask his command/PSD what the current regulations are.

Paternity leave... have you read the instruction?  Here's a link:

http://www.public.navy.mil/bupers-npc/support/tflw/Pages/PaternityL...

[Nifra]

Thank you very much for the clarification

[Anti M]

I am sorry it is not better news.  Best of luck in working something out.

[Craig]

Nifra - It's not a good situation you are in...

I run a Navy forum website and I had this same thing happen to one of my members. I know this subject really well. Yes, the Navy has a rule that will not allow young Navy couples to transfer overseas, which includes Hawaii. The Navy regulation is U.S. Navy MILPERSMAN 1300-302 called Suitability and Selection for Overseas Services which states:
“1.b. Members in paygrades E-3 and below with family member(s), will not be assigned to duty in an overseas area, including Hawaii...Members may be assigned unaccompanied, based on readiness needs.”

NAVPERSMAN_1300_302

The last statement is the killer "based on readiness needs". The guy on my website was a MA. They said that he was needed in Japan for shore duty, and they transfer him without his wife and child. He was an E1. The base in Japan said that he needed to make E4 prior to approving Command Sponsorship for his wife and child. Being a E1, it was impossible for him to make E4 prior to his 2 years tour in Japan. The wife wrote their Senator, she wrote the CO in Japan, she wrote everyone, and nothing changed. He got 19 months into his tour, and the only time he saw his wife and child was when they went there on vacation. Thanks God for Skype because that held their marriage together. Luckily (or maybe un-luckily), when he got to his 19 month mark, he had an issue which he was discharged for. Where his messed up is he forgot to list that he was married on his DD-1306 form, and the Navy assumed he was single.

Again, I don't want this post to bring you down, even though I know it will. I want this post to help you and your sailor to keep focused on this, and to keeping hammering to get these orders changed. Once he leaves for Japan, it will not change. You have got to keep on him, so he can put pressure on the Navy now. If you have financial, or other problems, he needs to list them now so he will not pass his overseas screening. Read MILPERSMAN 1300-302 carefully...

Frankly, if he can swap his duty with a single sailor, that would be awesome. I would even slip the single sailor some $$$ to sweeten the deal.  

[Nifra]

Yeah, thankfully he's already E3 and should be promoted quickly if he makes AAP (top 10% students in his A School he described) and of course, does his job well.

(Unfortunately, we already tried swapping orders but almost all his class got stationed in Japan, and the few people that weren't didn't want to trade whatsoever, but oh well~)

Thanks for your time to reply, we appreciate all the information we can get!

[Anti M]

Yes, he still has time to talk a detailer into new orders.  Most student sailors don't know they can call directly as they are not encouraged to do so.  

[Nifra]

Sort of giving an "update":

 

- My husband finished A School and got in AAP (also graduated with honors, with an average of 97.4% which I'm very proud of him for).

- He was told he should be able to advance to E-4 within the next 4-6 months once he starts his shore duty.

- Currently, he is in Japan doing the 3-week orientation, living in a barge until they move him on the USS George Washington.

 

 

- The "bad" news is: I'm due in June, and figures, he found out he's being deployed in June as well. (HOPEFULLY he'll still be able to take his paternity leave beforehand)...

- The ship is planned to return on base in August, (which would be an ideal time to come down to see him, and perhaps find housing) until he returns to sea until ~Nov.. I'm still hoping for the best.

 

 

Saying good bye and watching his plane take off to Japan was probably the hardest thing I had to do in my entire life.

I really hope it won't take 9-10 months before I can see him again......

 

[Anti M]

Thanks for the update.... sorry to hear you're stuck behind, but it sounds like you're ready to deal with it.  I hope he can talk to his COC, if they know he and you are in a tight spot, sometimes they do try to be supportive.  Have you joined the Family Readiness Group for the GW yet?  The FRG supports the dependents, although you'd be far away, at least you'd be kept in the information loop.

[Nifra]

About the FRG - That's good to know! I do want to try to be involved as much as possible, so thanks for suggesting that.
Seems like I'll have to wait a bit in order to request membership since it asks for my husband's GW e-mail (He's still doing his 3-week orientation so hasn't obtained one yet).

Took me a while to wrap my head around the reality of things (him missing out our son's first 6 months etc.)
But I think once we get my military ID, command sponsorship and medical clearance processed.. It'll probably be easier to play the "waiting game" until he makes it to E-4.
At least my mind would be more at ease unless I'm forgetting anything mandatory before I can move there~

But again, thanks for all the help.

[BunkerQB]

Find out who the ombudsman is (usually the wife of a senior officer) and email her requesting admittance to the FRG (a secret facebook page for subs - could be more open w GW). Make sure your sailor has your name of the contact list.

[Angie]

Paternity leave is for after the baby is born and they have up toa year to use it...BUT the command still has to approve it. 

 

You might want to ready yourself that you will not have him home for the birth of your child...you aren't the first that doesn't have the dad home for the birth and you won't be the last.  It is part of the Navy life.

 

You say he is to advance in the next 4-6 months...umm they have to take a test to advance, unless he got the auto advancement from the school, and even than the command has to say yes to him being advanced early.

 

Keep in mind the Navy needs ALWAYS come first!

 

As for the ship returning and you finding houseing, he still needs to get command sponsorship before you just move out there, even after he makes E4, it takes time.