Confused on whats next and what to prepare for!!!

[NavyWife2013]

talked to my sailor earlier, he said he will comp (i guess that means graduate) late feb. early march, then go to c school for 8 months, and then deployment for 7-10 months then we can get married.

y cant we get married between a school and c school?

he said they wont allow him over seas if were married enless there is a war and he is needed and he wants to go over seas.

i cant live here much longer i am bouncing back and forth between his parents and mine and idk what to do anymore, im extremely stressed wherever i go mainly cause i cant do what i want to do its nothing but drama in both areas.

can someone explain to me wats going on or what i should do im not sure what my next step is everytime we have a plan it gets messed up, i was gonna go see him feb 8th but now that he is in night school his duty section changed and now he wants to focus on school, but wants to see me when he comps. please help me figure this out idk what to expect anymore

i really wish we would have married before he signed his contract!

[Anti M]

He can marry anytime he can put in a chit to request to do so.  What he can't do is go home for the wedding. 

He can choose to marry between A school and C school.  He can marry after C school on his way to his first command.  Either way, the Navy won't pay to move you if you aren't already on his orders as a dependent.  

He can't know that he will deploy immediately after C school or not, some ships do, some don't.  He might be worried about how the relationship would fare over the course of a deployment  and want to see how he handles the Navy.  

He wants overseas orders? If he is married, he is less likely to receive such orders.  Married sailor must be an E-4 or above to take their dependents overseas.  Some sailors don't want to marry and have to leave their spouse for a couple years.  

[NavyWife2013]

he wants to deploy over seas, not get stationed over seas, he said he couldnt enless he was needed if we were married

[Anti M]

Deployment usually means a ship going out to sea for a number of months, usually over six months or more.  Married sailors certainly do deploy all the time.  If he's thinking about volunteering to go to Afghanistan, married sailors do that all the time also.  

One of you doesn't understand what it means to deploy.  Don't mean to sound rude, but that is not how it works.

[NavyWife2013]

i asked him if he meant the fleet when he said deployment and he said yes, but it doesnt make any sense i really dont think there is anything you can not do as a married sailor that you can do as a single sailor, am i wrong? if so correct me, but i really think he is getting mixed information, maybe advice from someone and thinking it is the rules, or maybe he got told they were the rules by someone who didnt know what they were talking about, im not sure.

sailors go to Afghanistan? are they on a ship or on land?

[Anti M]

I think he is getting bad information, or confused about how it all works.  Very common for new sailors if they're listening to other new sailors. Sometimes they get told don't get married until after deployment because those can easily break a marriage if one partner can't handle the long separation. That doesn't mean they can't get married, just that they are advised to wait. Married sailors deploy, which is why we have Family Readiness Groups.  We would never get any ships underway if the married ones stayed home.  

If he has a long C school, they don't get their orders until halfway through school or so. Some ships may have just come back from deployment, some may be going into dry dock for a few years for repairs, some may be going out right away.  So unless he has orders in hand to a specific ship, there is ZERO way to know he'll deploy right after C school... he doesn't even have orders yet.  Maybe he wants to go through a deployment once before marrying to see how it goes.  Some couples make that choice.

Yes, sailors go inland to Afghanistan, but it is usually a volunteer situation, unless they're corpsmen (medics) with the Marines.  

[Angie]

fyi..they don't' volunteer who goes to Afgan, Iraq, etc... they get told to go.  Yes they ask for volunteer's first  (sometimes), but from what I saw I would say that only gets filled like 20% by a volunteer, the other 80% it is voluntold who will go.

[Anti M]

Thanks, I had old info!

[NavyWife2013]

i did talk to him, his sisters saw photos of him with another girl, and there were several pics of him with this girl and other girls together, it didnt look like girlfriend especially meaning it was a group, i asked him about it and said she is just a friend i trust him, but apparently even though she is now in washington all 3 of his sisters and 2 of the brother in-laws blew up on him on facebook, and his phone so this girl along with 90% of his friends decided he was a jerk so he decided just enough friends to get him through school, he broke up with me but made it clear that after schol if we are both still interested in eachother we will get back together, we still remain friends and talk when he calls still about every 4 or 5 days, and still text when we have time.

so i have realized that i want to explore the world get "unstuck" from the situation i am in now i cannot live off of a CNA paycheck and i cant find a roommate whom i trust so i decided i need more independance, stability and more income! I am enlisting in the Navy i was just going to do reserves but reserves cannot give me everything i want out of the military, i want to see the world thats one thing i have never really wanted to do until he got me excited about seeing new places, so instead of relying on him coming back i need to chase my dreams on my own! so i am joining. i know u are probably thinking what most of my friends and fam are thinking, im chasing him, no i am no i know that if i am joining to chase him i am wasting my time, i know i will not be stationed with him and actually he will be leaving great lakes before i graduate boot. i already talked to a recruiter and am taking the ASVAB tuesday, Buddy does not know im joining, i just told him im gonna disapear for a couple months and find out who i really am, he will find out the day i graduate boot! any time i said somthing about boot camp he would say "i hate to say it babe, but i dont think you could stand a chance in boot" so im going to prove him and everyone else wrong, but this is what i want to do, i have considered reserves since he graduated boot back in october so im gonna do it! thank you girls for the support and advice you have given me i will continue to be on this site to help others as well as get more help if i need it :)

[Saipan]

Well you had better let us know before you ship off then!! Good luck on the ASVAB, let us know how it turns out and what you get offered.

[Anti M]

Sounds like a plan!  Best of luck on the ASVAB!  Remember, there may be a wait until you ship off, so you will have time to prepare physically and mentally.

Hey, if I could make it through boot camp, you can do it!

[NavyWife2013]

Thanks Ladies i talked to a recruiter tuesday and that day went to storage after my diploma and also found Buddy's START guide and i already have the sailors creed, the mission of the navy, the RTC maxim (easy and short) remembered still a little slow at them and have to stop and think about the next line but the sailors creed i learned first and am better at but atleast i can remember them without looking at the book so i am continueing to say them when i work, and go for a walk or jog on the treadmill, its only been about a day, and he told me it would be a month at minimum so i have time. and my recruiter is also giving me a workout plan for me to work on and a diet plan, im not fat but i could lose another 10-15 lbs but i think it is also the diet plan for boot maybe idk but i am super excited and my plan is to go in there able to complete all tests and max them out, meaning i only work 2 - 3 nights a week i have the day to workout when no one is home and study what i know while i workout so i dont forget and to study what i dont know when i go to bed and between other activities, if im not an honor recruit i WILL be right behind them!!! im doing better than my best abilities! and i am super super excited for this :) thanks again ladies i will definately keep you updated i am going to make a new discusion : This gurl is swimming deep! so look for it that is where all of my updates will be and i will let those who dont know  why im doing this as well :)

[Anti M]

Just so you know, there isn't really a diet plan  in boot camp, they feed you pretty well.  You'll be active though, so it balances out.  Learn to eat fast.

Learn to say your Creed and your orders while you do jumping jacks or pushups.  Make sure you can do the Orders out of order.