Depper Changing mind

[Diverdee90]

Good morning ladies,

My son started his Navy process back in June of 2014, he had to clear through MEPS with waivers for past surgeries, he was so excited to get his career started.  He swore in at MEPS beginning of October 2014 with a ship date of June 2015, he graduates high school in May of 2015.  He came home the other day and said he no longer wants to be in Navy, his heart is not in it.  He met his girlfriend a few weeks before swearing in and has said his relationship with her has no bearing on his change of heart, I believe it does some.  His grandfathers have had health issues recently and he said he does not believe if something happened to them that he would be allowed to come home of which i told him the Navy will get him home in case of a family emergency.  I think he is just scared and has that puppy love of high school and doesnt want to leave because of his girlfriend.  I am having a real hard time with this because it is such an amazing opportunity for him and a lifetime of benefits.  I do not want him to regret this decision later on.  Any help/ideas would be greatly appreciated.

[BunkerQB]

Gator fan, I wouldn't surprise me if your son turns out to be a stellar sailor. He is more mature now and will appreciate any and all opportunities that will come his way. Please, please tell him to use his time in the Navy to get as many credits as possible towards a college degree, preferably in a technical field. Save his money - no fancy cars. Don't get any anyone pregnant. No DUI. No matter how provoked, never strike back physically. Play it smart. Everything in it's time and place.

Good luck.

[Navymom]

The same exact thing happened to my son.  He had sworn in once after high school for the air force.  Then got very serious with him and his girlfriend.  Two months before he was supposed to leave for boot camp he signed a discharge paper with the recruiter.  

He now is taking part time classes and also works.  At first I was extremely upset with him.  He has two sisters in the Navy and I wanted this opportunity for him, but he plainly told me it was his life and he could not dream of leaving his girlfriend.  We have to remember they are young kids and are very unsure of what they want to do after high school.  The only thing I was worried about was what if he wants to join later in life.  Many people have told me they cannot join but not really sure if that is true.  Him and his girlfriend have been together now for 4 years and she is a nice girl so I don't argue too much about it.

But like everyone says on here it is their decision.  They have to want it.  If they don't it will not help him in boot camp.

He couldn't even bear to tell me that he backed out.  He just stopped going to the DEP meetings.  Like everyone says we can talk to them until we are blue in the face.  In the end it has to be their decision.

[Texasfam]

I don't know... My take on it, is if they make the commitment, they need to man up and honor that obligation.  I'm not sure how much has changed since I was in the military, but used to be if you didn't go, you got an other than honorable discharge, that follows and haunts you forever.  These kids focus is only on the immediate and they often are very short sighted making lifetime decisions based on short term events.  The military was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I can see that it is one of the best decisions my son has made.  But, I also know it's hard to sway them when they are young and seem to know everything.

[CryptoDad]

Can't be discharged, honorable or not, if you haven't done the final swearing in. Yeah, you've signed a contract and taken an oath, but its not anything the military is going to try to legally enforce.

[Texasfam]

So basically the terms "oath" and "contract" don't mean what they are supposed to?  I don't believe when I entered the service in 1987 that it was even an option to not go to basic, without repercussions.  I know it's probably better to let them out than to destroy morale by having someone in who has zero desire to be there.  I know on the facebook page for my son's graduating PIR, that numerous people are saying that in their divisions some are not taking it seriously and they are getting IT'd for it or some have been cycled back.  I really can't understand how some can do that.  Everyone starts to second guess their decision as the time to ship gets short.  The best thing, I think,  to tell them is that they are setting a precedent in their life and would strongly encourage them to fulfill their contract.  A lot of kids think life is just going to be easy, that jobs and money are readily available.  By the time they figure out it isn't they may have blown their opportunity.

[diannep]

My son went into the Navy in 2009 with his two year college degree already.  Since he lived at home, and went to the local college here, it wasn't terribly expensive for him.  He also was working so wouldn't take a full load...which spread out the tuition money a bit....however, when he got out of the Navy, he used his GI Bill to finish his education which he just completed in Dec.  It was wonderful to not have to pay for the rest of his education---receiving housing allowance too!  I'm not sure your son will understand how important that GI Bill is at his young age....my son didn't even want to go to college when still in high school....but he is so very thankful he did.  He doesn't have a job yet and knows a college degree these days doesn't guarantee a job, but is hoping that once he is employed again, his chance for promotion may be increased with his degree.  I think you are right saying that you think the gf relationship has something to do with his feelings now....the gf probably does not want him to go into the Navy and girls have lots of power over our boys!  I know while they are in DEP, sailors occasionally will come and talk to the Deppers when home on Leave....hoping that maybe some of those talks will encourage him to stick with his plan....

[NavyMom93]

I am going to have to agree with Texasfam on this one.  How much can this really be his own decision?  Is he supporting himself, living on his own?  Until they are doing that, I am not going to be hands off with my kids about anything like this.  Can he pay for his own college education? If not, then how does he get such a big say in this?  I would be very supportive, but firm in telling him he had to go through with this.  He doesn't even know what any of this is like.  He doesn't know how he's going to feel in boot camp, or A school, or when he's out in the fleet.  My son told me that one of the things that kept him going when he was in boot camp was the thought of the shame of failing.  He was self motivating when it came to it, and yes, he had low points in boot camp in terms of his morale, but he is out in the fleet now, done with A school, and he is the happiest I have ever seen him.  I would encourage him strongly to keep going.  Probably I wouldn't even let quitting be an option with him. 

[Ann aka Brady's mom]

I've been in your shoes.  My son enlisted December 2013 (one week after turning 18) with a ship date of August 2014.  He was a senior in high school and graduated in May 2014.  During that time he had time to really think about his decision.  In the end, one week prior to leaving for BC, he announced he didn't think this was the life for him.  He had already started checking into college, etc.  While my husband and I were not happy with his decision it really didn't surprise us either.

He is now in college and happy.  I've always told me kids that whatever you do in life I only want 2 things.....for you to be happy and healthy.  It's their decision no matter what we think.

[Concernedad]

I agree with Ann that it still needs to be their decision. Giving up that many years of their life and telling them they must keep up their promise to put their lives in danger seems a bit harsh. 

Although, my son came home one day and told me he was going to wait a year to enlist to give himself more time to get in shape. While I would have preferred he go to college, I told him no to this. I told him whatever he planned to do, the journey was starting now and he wasn't going to postpone it for a year. I also did insist that the year he was waiting as a DEPper would not be spent hanging around the house. That year was used to at least get in one year of college. I didn't care what courses he took, as long as they counted as credits. It did help him to earn E-2 status. 

My opinion is, you can guide them all you can, but remember what it was like when you were their age. Would you want guidance or demands?

[Caroline]

I feel your pain. My son signed his junior year. Then in the fall he met a very nice young lady. He still went to boot camp but his mind was not in the game and I think he missed out on a lot due to missing her. They did part ways after his A school and he is now in Greece. He realizes now that a relationship and being in the Navy at just 18 was too much. Hopefully your son will realize that the Navy is an investment in his future.

[Diverdee90]

He hasn't told me but I did see text messages he sent to his girlfriend and told her he is going to do his six years and be done. As long as he does his commitment that is what is important to me. Thank you all very much for the comments and help I appreciate it tremendously. I will keep you posted

[Diverdee90]

Well I am happy to report that my son has seen the light and will continue on and join the Navy.  He will ship out in June.  I am doing my happy mom dance.  I think it will be such an amazing opportunity for him and help him build that future he wants.  Thank you all very much for your kind thoughts and words and for being there...  Enjoy your day