Getting Married

[Orlene]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. We have been seriously talking about getting married over the next year. The question I have is how hard will it be to get married once he is in the Navy? Or is better to get married before he joins which will be in the near future? I would love a dream wedding and honeymoon, but with everything going on (him about to join the Navy and me trying to finish getting my degree) I know it won't happen for awhile.

 

I was doing some research and found people saying that they got married while in the Navy and they are forcing them out. I don't want to rush into anything, and I also do not want to effect his career negatively.

 

We are just trying to figure out what our options are. Any advice, suggestions, etc. will be greatly appreciated.

[Anti M]

I have NEVER heard of anyone being forced out for getting married.  Ever.  As Americans, sailors can marry who they please.  Now, if they marry a foreign citizen, it can affect their security clearance and thus their school, or if they marry before enlisting and have too many dependents (over two), they aren't eligible to enlist without a waiver.  But being forced out?  No, not the Navy, we'd have heard of it. (if you have links, please post them I'd love to read them)

Being married before boot camp is easiest, but you must get your recruiter to get on top of the paperwork.  Many will tell you to wait, but that is advice, not a regulation.  It takes a couple months to get the paperwork lined up, so sooner is better than later. This way your benefits and allowances are in place, and you will be on his orders to be moved (given he is going to where you can go).

Graduation weekend, PIR, they are told not to marry, and it is difficult to pull off.  He could possibly be disciplined for disobeying orders.  I've heard rumors of that, but no one has ever said, "Yes, that was us".

During A school is common, as that is usually before they receive their first set of orders.  Look around and you will see discussions about wives who waited until after school and are ineligible for the paid Navy move.  Many brides choose the courthouse wedding to be established as a Navy wife.  It is a bit of a hassle, as you must travel to him, he can't get time off to go get married, he has to submit a request chit and possibly go through pre-marital counseling (some school commands are stricter than others). Your families may not be able to attend.  It isn't ideal, but is very workable.

Many like the idea of waiting until A school ends because the sailor can come home on leave and the families are usually there.  The drawback to this is, the new spouse isn't on the orders.  You pay for your move yourself*.  If he has orders overseas, the new spouse might not be able to join him (lots of rules, and you can't just go live in a foreign country without a visa).

You will hear to wait until after his first deployment to see how you handle it as a couple, but since you've been dating three years, you probably can handle the separation alright. (ships deploy for six to eight months or more at a time, limited communication).

Sorry about the dream wedding, the Navy will have other plans.  Besides, you'll need the money to set up your first place!  And the honeymoon is more likely to be a first or second anniversary trip. (My dad was a Navy lifer, I was in the Navy and I married Navy.  Been there, done that)

 

*there are details, exceptions and ways to move his household goods, but rule of thumb is "be on the orders".

[Orlene]

Thank you so much!