Having A Hard Time Dealing

[emptynest]

 My son is about to start his 3rd week of boot camp.  I am missing him terribly like other moms are.  I don't know how to deal with this. It's like a death and I'm grieving. None of my friends or family have been through this so they don't have the words or even know what to say to me.  No one has called to see how I am doing or even attempted to help me with this.  That in it's self hurts.  I am getting better I feel and I am staying busy.  I know when I finally get to see him on graduation It will be better, but then I leave him and it starts over.  I just want to talk to him to know he is ok.  I know he is ok because I haven't got a phone call otherwise.  When he gets to have his cell phone where we can text and talk I know things will be better.  I know I raised him up to go out into the world that I did my job but it hurts.  My son and his girlfriend share a dog together.  Her name is lyla.  I love her and adore her.  She is in that part of my heart where my son is.  I got to keep her this weekend but she goes back home with the girlfriend today and that  saddens me.  I wish she could live with me she brings me comfort and she is happy here. I know this must sound rediculous to some but its what I feel. Whatever brings comfort right?  I have only received the generic phone call that he had arrived and is alright.  That is so wrong how that phone call comes across.  I know it is for a reason.  I finally got the letter this week about graduation.  I am anxious about making travel arrangements.  I have not traveled that much in my life and certainly not alone.  I want it to be perfect. I don't know what else to say except I'm hurting.

[ProudMom77]

I totally understand how you are feeling. As long as I keep busy and not THINK about what he's going through I'm okay. The minute I do my heart breaks and I start tearing up. My husband and daughter just don't get it - so I feel for you and what you're going through. I miss him terribly, even though he hung out in his room most of the time and only came out for food... Lol. It's not having access to talk to him when I want and know how he is doing that is so hard I think. Hang in there and know that you are not alone in your feelings. Everyday we get closer to seeing them!!! :)

[anasazigypsy]

My sailor had PIR 11/14. I still miss him every day, but it gets easier with time. As far as travel, it is almost never perfect :) so make your plans to allow for the unexpected and the stress that would cause .I traveled a day early, in case there were flight delays and had a backup plan to fly as close as I could get if flights were cancelled . I would have driven the rest of the way from wherever I landed with about 18 hours to do it. There was no way I was going to miss seeing him at PIR .My flights were actually on time and no issues, but knowing I could handle the situation if I had to let me relax .
I arranged to rent a car at the airport and took a roll of quarters and one of nickels for tolls. Didn't use it all, but again wanted to be prepared for whatever .I took the shuttle to PIR, but I had his girlfriend and mom who flew in separately and stayed in a different hotel, and who drove there take us all back after liberty was called. They arrived much later than I did, so I was able to hold seating for them .We all went to his fly out of airport the next day and hung with him until he got on the plane. I had made reservations to fly back Sunday afternoon, again leaving time for the unexpected.
Check out the travel forum/ discussion pages here. Lots of good advice.
Hang in there. Not too long till you hug him again:)

[Navyfamily]

empty nest.. How are you doing? I believe our sons are together on the same ship. There are a few facebook pages that you can join. Others are talking back and forth and it is a bit easier to follow. I get the alerts to my phone, and am obsessed with what others have to say. So many others are in the same situation as us.

My son is in the 3rd week also, which means maybe a phone call this weekend???? Be sure to have your phone with you every where you go. My son just turned 18, his is my baby. While I do have a hubby and my other son is nearing 21.. it is still so hard. I got my first letter from him and I started to read it aloud and broke down. My husband had to finish reading it. I miss him so much. What broke my heart is he told me in his letter he truly misses us. Although he was eager to leave and didn't think he would miss us,, I now know he does.

My son was very well prepared when he left so i am very confident he is doing well. He says he made plenty of friends. I don't doubt it.. he is a very funny person and will help anyone who needs it.

feel free to friend me, here or on facebook and i will be sure to check in with you often. Any chance you live in NJ, we can do lunch or something?

Are you going to the meet and greet Thursday night? We will be there and what hotel are you staying in? We are in the Navy Lodge from Thursday until Sunday. Might change my travel plans to Wednesday night so less stress and maybe we can explore Chicago a bit.

Well, hang in there and feel free to write. i am always checking my phone and I am actually on vacation this week. (schools are closed and I work for a school)

Carol

 

[Kenya (Lovingmyson)]

Hi Emptynest, I hope you starting to feel better.  Receiving a letter from my son provided me the confirmation that he is doing okay and I need to relax a little because I was crying a few times a day.  I was actually making myself sick. Now I find myself getting excited on the thoughts of him graduating.  I just wanted to check on you to see if you are feeling better.  

[Suzy]

Empty Nest,
I totally understand how you feel because my daughter left on 3/22 and I haven't been right, since then lol. That's my buddy, and not being able to hang out with her on the weekends gives me the Empty Nest Blues. No movies, dinner outings, or window shopping! This is tough! I just constantly remind myself of how great of an experience and adventure this will be for her. Lord knows we have to cut those apron-strings because our children are only placed into our care for a time, and once they're of age, we must let them go experience life on their own. Stay strong my friend.

[Edwards19 ( Tricia )]

Hello emptynest.. Just checking on you to see how are doing? its been almost a month since you posted this post

[NavyMum]

My son is done with boot camp and A school already and arrived in Okinawa (Japan) last week for his first duty station - he'll be there 3 years - looking back, I wonder if the lack of communication at boot camp helps prepare us (parents) for the future when they'll be shipboard or overseas and not always able to communicate?

It is hard - write to him every day. Remember that he'll only be able to write on Sundays and he may be tired then and only have limited time so letters may be short - but he'll appreciate and treasure every letter he receives.

Keep your phone nearby - there aren't any guarantees on calls (except the I'm a Sailor call after Battle Stations) but if the division is doing well, then their RDCs may schedule them at the phone bank.

It WILL be easier once he goes to A school and can contact you more easily. But just because he can - doesn't mean he will. Sometimes they are busy with studying. Sometimes they're out enjoying liberty freedom after the limits of boot camp. Sometimes they are feeling like they are all grown up and don't need parents anymore and are asserting their new-found independence.

My son hasn't written a letter since he left Boot Camp  -he called a few times from A school but mostly he texted or FB messaged. Now he's in Okinawa - he had to buy a new phone and he doesn't yet have internet in his room so I only hear from him on FB messanger and with a 13-hr time difference, it's not always real-time. I miss him and so do his little sisters (9 and 15) but I'm very proud of him and the choices he's made.

(((Hugs))) to you emptynest - you did a great job raising your SR. He's an adult now and your role is changing - change is hard but you CAN do it!

[DonnaCatLover]

My son just left for boot camp yesterday and my emotions are the same. I had to close the door to his bedroom but it's like a death - all of his stuff is still here and he is not. Every time I look at something of his, I'm sad. When I stop at the grocery store and see an item he would like, I'm sad. I felt so tired today and I miss him dreadfully. I am scared he won't make it through boot camp. I stayed upbeat in the days before he left (or tried to) but inside I was crying "Don't go." But he is ready to go be a man and that is what I want for him too. It is very painful to let go of your child so that they can grow up.