He leaves tomorrow and I'm SICK over it, literally!

[Linda]

I am making myself sick over the thought of my only child leaving the house, on his 21st birthday, to become a Navy recruit.  I literally can't stay out of the bathroom because of the way I feel about him leaving.  I don't want to cry in front of him, but I have a few times.  I am trying to be strong but I think by holding it all in, I'm literally making myself sick.  I can't leave the house for more then a few minutes because my stomach is so sick.

He leaves tomorrow for Detroit and then on Wednesday for Great Lakes.  I seriously think I need meds to get through this.  I'm calling my doctor tomorrow.  I'm already a heart patient and really can't take this kind of added stress.  And I'm totally being selfish, which really makes me mad (at myself, of course).  I am a giver and always have been, so for me to cry like this is STUPID and selfish and that adds to my anxiety.

Our son is 21 (on Wednesday).  He graduated high school in 2012 and has had a stay-at-home job (recording music) since graduation.  That means he and I have been together for the last three years, every day.  I can't imagine how quiet my house is going to be now and how lonely I will be.  I don't sleep much.  Five hours max a night and my son always keeps me company long after my husband goes to bed at 7:30 each evening.  (The song "Lonely Days and Lonely Nights" just popped into my head.  LOL!)

So just venting and trying to talk this all out....even if just to myself.  I know it's childish, silly, selfish, and even mean to put our son through my inability to suck it up.  I can't do this to him and need to somehow act like the strong, resilient woman I know I am.  I'm just going to miss the H, E, double hockey sticks out of him.  How did you all get through it?

[Martha jj for usa]

Hey,

I hope you find this website helpful.  I would say, allow yourself to take time to get used to this whole transition.  Don't rush it or expect it to be easy.  I wore my son's sweatshirt the night I got his box - Saturday, and his t-shirt to bed last night.  I used to joke that he didn't smell very good after his workouts, but now I crave that smell.  That's kind of very weird.

Like you I had a lot of time with my son over the past few months (counting down the days) and I am trying to use my pride (and fear) and believe he is the right spot at the right time to help me cope with missing him so terribly.  

[B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet)]

Hang in there Linda - please take a deep breath and do your best to relax.  It's not worth it for you to jeopardize your health - your son will be fine - he will be in good hands!  Know that you raised him up to be the fine young man that he is and now he is spreading his wings and taking the lessons you taught him and going to apply them in the real world.  It's all good momma....we are here for you, we've all been in your shoes.  Just take it one day at a time (although you will find the time will go by faster if you count Friday's rather than individual days!).  Come here, vent, cry, read up on what's happening, join various groups and before you know it you'll be at his PIR!  {{{NMH}}} (That's Navy mom hugs!)

[Linda]

Well Moms, I survived it....like a champ!!!  Not a single tear, frown, nothing!!!  I am so proud of myself.  LOL!  I literally made myself sick two days ago and decided after a long, sleepless night that enough was enough.  I wasn't crying for my son.  I was throwing myself a pity party - and that's selfish - and I'm NOT a selfish person.  So enough was enough; time to suck it up and show them what a strong woman I am.  So I was DONE!  I did shed a few tears yesterday as I helped him pick out an outfit to "donate" upon arrival at BC, but he didn't see them.  I snapped out of quickly and I haven't shed a tear since.  

We went to his swearing in/shipping out gathering and I hung tough.  That was over two hours ago and I'm fine and going out for a walk!  I am so proud of myself, but ten thousand times prouder of the man I raised.  He will do great things, of this I am sure.

Thanks for all the support ladies.  Much appreciated!

[judy r]

Now the next phase for you is to start your Navy album pics from swearing in journaling on how you feel or felt add his letters from boot pics from PIR. The roller coaster is taking off welcome aboard.

[Linda]

Thank you....happy to be aboard, really.

[Storymom]

Linda:  believe me, I've been there too, many long, long years ago. My guy left on Valentine's Day, 2009, and he's now getting his BA degree on the Navy dime, has re-enlisted, is a Petty Officer 1st class and on his way to Officer! He's been around the world 3 times on deployment, and LOVES his Navy job and has never regretted his decision to enlist. They are kept busy-busy in Boot, learn massive amounts of drills, PT's, marching configurations, instructions, new commands, new lifestyle, sleeping and eating arrangements, safety and Navy protocols.  They sleep well and by the end of it all, are truly proud, accomplished young Sailors!  (My son is still friends with many from Boot)  I cleaned out closets/ drawers during boot, and wrote A LOT OF LETTERS to him--  I even wrote to lonely or injured sailors, (you'll find out about those here -example: Molly's Adopt A sailor program) Immerse yourself on this website! Think about volunteering at your local USO or with the Navy League?  You did AWESOME not having a meltdown in front of your son- he needs to focus on his own strengths and resourcefulness now -- Our kids must believe in their hearts-- all is well with Mom ♥ (my mother was WAVE in WWII & I'm married to a Navy Vet)   Please visit the Blue Candle event listed here too  (left side of this page at calendar)  Buy a blue candle  (any kind) light it when you feel sad, or are thinking about him alot.  I still keep mine lit on the kitchen window sill, sometimes at work too --The blue glow (for navy blue) comforts & calms me....its a tradition started many years ago by Navy Families.   Blessings to your boy!

http://navyformoms.com/events/a-blue-candle-event-1

[Linda]

Thanks for all of the info "Storymom".  I really do appreciate it and I'm surprised at how well I'm handling this....and so is my friends and family.  They keep telling me that they don't think the full brunt of it has hit me yet and that it will.  Really?  I don't notice that my only child, my miracle baby, isn't in the house with me all day every day?  Or coming out at 1 or 2 in the morning and saying "Hey ma, feel like a food run?"  Really?  Bull pucky!!  I know he's gone.  I've just decided this is a good place for him to be, I'm happy for him, proud of him, and miss him like mad.  I just decided no more pity parties and I'm movin' on.

Thank your son for his service and again, thank you, for all your kind (and knowledgeable) words.

[Pennyrh]

You get through it. I promise. It was the hardest thing I ever went through. Not being able to talk to my son for 8 weeks sucked! You do NOT have to suck it up, but this won't last forever. It will be easier when you can talk and text him every day. I'm telling you this because I know how you feel. I cried almost every day. I drank wine and wrote down my feelings and stalked the Navy moms website and listened to sad music and drove everyone around me crazy. You will get through it.

[Linda]

I light my candle in the morning, walk into his room and say "good morning" (weird but true; I've done it for almost 21 years...why stop now....but hope I stop soon...lol), and go on about my day.  Miss him like mad, but I'm good.  

Thanks for your kind words!

[JackRussellMom]

I feel your pain.  Everything you have said about the way you feel is ME! My son is leaving in 2 weeks, he is also 21 and I have never been apart from him a day in my life. I cry every single day. My co-workers probably can't stand me anymore cause all I do is cry all day at work. I cry in the shower. I cry on the way to work. Then I cry myself to sleep at night. Every time I try to come on this site for info and help I cannot because I just cry some more. It's getting to the point of ridiculous.  Even though I am sobbing as I write you right now it is a little consoling that I'm not alone.

[Linda]

Janine, you should a LOT worse then me.  I just couldn't torture my son like that.  There was no way I was going to let his last look at me be me with a running, bulbous nose, swollen eyes, blotchy cheeks.  NO WAY!!!  Besides, maybe if you look at it like I did, you'll not be so hysterical.  

I realized that the reason I was crying so much (and making myself sick) was because of ME, not because of my son.  I wasn't crying for him.  I was happy for him.  I was proud of him.  I was excited for him.  I was crying because I was throwing myself a pity party.  I was going to miss him.  I wasn't going to have him around to help me when needed.  I couldn't call, text or email him whenever I wanted.  Me, me, me.  I couldn't do it any longer.  After I came to that realization, it was much easier for me to pull myself together.  I wish you luck Mama.

[JackRussellMom]

Oh I would never let my son see my cry, I don't want him to feel bad or worry about me. I just cry to my coworkers, my boss and any other  unfortunate soul who might be in my path. I know this is all about me. I hate myself for acting this way. You are 100% right. I'm feeling bad for myself! It has nothing to do with my son. I know he will be just fine. It's about cutting the umbilical cord. Letting go. In my mind he's still my little boy and I still feel this need to fiercely protect him and I won't be able to do that anymore. I need to come to the realization that he doesn't need that anymore and this is a new phase in life for us both. Thank you. It helps to see that I'm not some crazy mother, and  I'm not the only mother who is going through this.