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Looking for advice. My sailor is so homesick he wants to take a voluntary seperation.
Views: 2587
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by RWG (ship 09, div. 206) on
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4boys I haven't been through that type of situation but maybe he should try and give it a couple more weeks. Hopefully by then he will get over it because he will have alot more contact with you by phone. It would be a shame to throw away what he wanted 8or9 weeks ago.
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Permalink Reply by AlwaysReady on
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Homesickness is normal and after the first few weeks of A school he will feel much better as they obtain a bit more freedom and after A school is a whole different world. I would encourage him to stick it out and see how it goes. A seperation at this point isnt going to be good for his future.
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I dont know why they tell recruits that? My sailor was told the same thing, but she didnt get leave until 7 months. It was all okay for her. All sailors earn leave time, just like he would in a civilian job, he will get weekend liberty, although at the beginning of A school they are pretty limited with their free time. If he is in P'cola for A school, its a nice base, with lots to do for the sailors, even have a beach on the base, lots to do there. If hes there you should plan to go see him, its an open base to the public. Hopefully this works out for him, voluntary seperation is not the best way to go.
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DH was in the same boat, he was told he would of have leave after BC, but it was about 7 months in, after he completed A school he was given leave. He was wanting to separate as well. A school is a different beast then BC, once he's done he should have at least 2 weeks worth on the books. If he can stay motivated he'll have more liberty as A school goes on. He has some control, the better he does now, the higher chances of getting good orders. In the end DH knew separation would look bad on him so he stuck it out.
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Permalink Reply by Anti M on
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Technically, after A school is "after" boot camp. Just not immediately. I have no idea why a recruiter says that, they know the timing, having done it themselves.
A school and waiting for class, waiting to get to the fleet is a trial of patience. Remind him he's being paid, fed, housed while he is learning his new trade. Homesickness will fade if he tries, a positive attitude will go a long way to settling in and enjoying the here and now, not the "if I were home" blues.
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Permalink Reply by Navymomx2 on
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I went and saw my son after bootcamp...Like someone said..It's an open base..He WILL have more time to talk to you. "A" school is more of a job.. If he made it thru bootcamp,he will be fine.
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Permalink Reply by TN Navy Mom (Stennis Nuke Mom) on
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My sailor is 23, married has been home twice for 7-10 days each time and when I talked to him on Mother's Day, he was homesick!!!
The hardest part, I think, is they have to learn that the Navy (or any branch of the military) doesn't work on the same calendar and/or clock that we do. Should get leave by a certain date, Nope, now it's this date, you can leave base at 1400 Nope, 1600, you get 10 days leave BUT you have to muster by 12:00 noon on the 10th day, wait, that's not 10 days leave. It's hard to absorb all the changes.
Mine was miserable when he completed bootcamp. Was on hold 5 weeks in GL before going to Goose Creek. Got liberty, but it was limited until he phased up. Then he got to Goose Creek for A school and he had to start over with the "phasing up". Once he had some time and was able to do fun stuff (beach, mall, movies, etc) he was much much better. Plus he could call home whenever he wanted, which was less often than he thought he wanted to LOL. I usually only hear from him once every week to 10 days.
Tell him to please hang in there! It does get easier for them when they have some freedom. He'll make more friends who are going through the same changes as he is. Sometimes though, they find out that the Navy is NOT what they thought it would be, but he can't know that now, he hasn't even started learning his job yet! Encourage him a lot, and send him care packages at his A school! GOOD LUCK!
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If he has only been in for a short time he can't just take voluntary seperation. There is a program out, but that is for Sailors who are near the end of their contract, not the start. If he gets sent home now it will either be due to medical issues or legal issues. He can't just get out...
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Permalink Reply by Mom2aSailor on
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We've been talking about this on one of the groups I am on.. seems like after BC there is a period of homesickness/feeling depressed, etc..... I think it is a transition time for them and as they get into school and the schedule there and realize they do have more freedom ... it will get better.. My daughter just finished bc and is on hold at school also.. she's homesick and wondering what they heck she did by joining.. but each day it has gotten better. I think we just need to support them, encourage them and let them go through these emotions and work it out for themselves. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!! :)
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Permalink Reply by Angela on
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@Mom2aSailor, thank you for your advice as well. I needed to know that, too. My son is really disappointed that he has enlisted. He keeps asking me why did he join because this is not what he expected. You're right though, I just need to keep encouraging him and talking to him, letting him know it gets better with time. Everyone I know who has been in the Navy retired has said some really good things about it.
I believe he just wants to get back home. But when he was at home, he complained he wasn't doing enough with his life. I think its because he's worried about me, because he and I are really close. Which is another reason why I encouraged him to join, so he wouldn't turn out to be a "mama's boy." I would rather have a strong, intelligent man for a son who's independent rather than a son who is always sticking under his mother......
So I know he'll be alright after a while.
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Angela,
He will.. it's hard for them. The excitement of PIR and then the let down of it being over and having to transition into yet ANOTHER new thing, A school. It is alot of change, new surroundings, meeting new people, adjusting to military life, school... it is alot to process and adjust to. It has been a week since PIR and my daughter sounds good. She's figuring it out for herself .. it is a growing/maturing process and we just need to let them do it. :) I know it is hard to see them question and or struggle with their decision, but it was THEIR decision.. and they have to work it out. Even if in the end he wishes he hadn't joined, he'll have 4 years of a skill and money he's made, he won't be worse off!
Keep the faith and stay strong for them. Listen and encourage and help them through it.... GROWING PAINS!! LOL
Jenn
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