My Son took his life after separating from the Navy!! Don't let your child join this heartless service.

[Navydestroyedmyson]

We were so proud when he joined, sent lots of letters, care packages and attendded boot camp graduation.  Every letter he sent he said that all was well but that the officers were assholes.  After 18 months he was separated from the Navy sent home on the bus Oct. 2010. 

 

He told us, it was because alchohol was found in his room.  On Oct. 18, 2012, he shot hisself in his room.  Recently we found paperwork with an evaluation showing that he had a mental meltdown and was kep in the psyche ward for 6 days.  The evaluation stated that he was being separated, because of a personality disorder and that not treatment would lead to fatal behaviour.   We noticed a change in his behavior, but nothing concerning.  Until this summer where he started to become agrressive and drink more.  There were signs that we didn't notice until after he passed.  he was only 24 and a nice caring person.  My son is gone and If I had know that this would be the outcome, I would have never let him joing the navy.  He was promised so many goodies by the recruiter, but in the end the Navy tossed him to the side like a defective product. My son never shared this expereince with us, we found the documents in a folder in his closet. 

 

Follow up from the Navy should have been made, or notice to me or his dad should have been give for such fatal behavior concerns.  New Navy parents beware, make your new recruit aware of the stress..  My son said that therre were a lot of suicides while he was there.

www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2012/11/18/navy-suic...

I miss him so much, he did not deserve this.  If only we would have known about this evaluation we would have been more aware and helped him.   

[Anti M]

Many condolences for your loss.

If anyone has a need or feels their sailor or veteran needs help, please call the veteran hotline, they can do a lot to help.
http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/

For others reading this post and wondering about the future of their sailors: Once a young person joins the military, all branches, they are treated as an adult and their parents are no longer in the loop for mental or other health issues. This is a discussion all families need to have before boot camp, to set up lines of communication in case of difficulties. The Navy does not report to family members in regards to medical conditions unless the sailor agrees for them to do so.
Once separated from the service, the VA is the source of help and assistance, medical evaluations and so on. It is your sailor's responsibility to file and find out what services they are eligible to receive.

[BunkerQB]

I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been heart wrenching to see your son's transformation.

I know the Navy, plus all branches of the military and any organization have privacy laws that prohibit them from disclosing the information in the confidential files. It is suppose to be for their protection (like a potential employer can't see it) but the unfortunate by product of that is that families and loved ones are in the dark. I personally believe that critical information regarding emotional stress and mental issues should be disclosed to the families members (like in case of emergencies) but I have my doubts that the policy will change.

The VA does not have an "outreach" program - in other words, they don't go to the veteran. The veteran himself/herself has to go to hospital or whatever facility to get help. If I am wrong about this, please correct me. I have encountered two separate occasions - one involving a Korean vet and the other a Persian Gulf vet and it makes me furious. In both cases, the veteran needed help. The families were long gone. They had no one. In the first case, a number of us made calls to everyone we could think of - county health agencies, VA organizations, the mayor of the city, county Supervisors, CA state representatives, US representative. I can't begin to count the hours I spent on the phone.

There was nothing anyone (even family) can do - the veteran has to take that step. This is what families have to do - convince him/her to go get help. 

[Shmommy]

Your story is heartbreaking. My deepest sympathies to you and your family <3

[abbyblue]

he was out of the navy two years before he killed him self ? I'm reading he had been out since 2010 ? he knew about this and never talked to you and anyone about his mental problems is sad so wish someone would seen that the aggressive and drinking are signs. all parents not just navy should know the signs to look for in their children even when they become grown adults. there are many support groups out there you may want to join one and help others by telling your story.we all are sadden by your post.abby

[abbyblue]

Learn to Recognize the Signs

Many Veterans may not show any signs of intent to harm themselves before doing so, but some actions can be a sign that a Veteran needs help. Veterans in crisis may show behaviors that indicate a risk of harming themselves.

Veterans who are considering suicide often show signs of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and/or hopelessness, such as:

Appearing sad or depressed most of the time
Clinical depression: deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating—that doesn’t go away or continues to get worse
Feeling anxious, agitated, or unable to sleep
Neglecting personal welfare, deteriorating physical appearance
Withdrawing from friends, family, and society, or sleeping all the time
Losing interest in hobbies, work, school, or other things one used to care about
Frequent and dramatic mood changes
Expressing feelings of excessive guilt or shame
Feelings of failure or decreased performance
Feeling that life is not worth living, having no sense of purpose in life
Talk about feeling trapped—like there is no way out of a situation
Having feelings of desperation, and saying that there’s no solution to their problems

Their behavior may be dramatically different from their normal behavior, or they may appear to be actively contemplating or preparing for a suicidal act through behaviors such as:

Performing poorly at work or school
Acting recklessly or engaging in risky activities—seemingly without thinking
Showing violent behavior such as punching holes in walls, getting into fights or self-destructive violence; feeling rage or uncontrolled anger or seeking revenge
Looking as though one has a “death wish,” tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death, such as driving fast or running red lights
Giving away prized possessions
Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, and/or making out a will
Seeking access to firearms, pills, or other means of harming oneself
Please share this with all you know

[MN Mom of MM]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  I pray God is holding you in his arms and there will be be comfort and peace.

[TN Navy Mom (Stennis Nuke Mom)]

I would like to suggest that you find a local chapter of "Survivors of Suicide". My dear mother in law took her own life at the age of 67. It has been 9 years and that pain is still there. I reached out to our local SOS chapter and though I never officially went to a meeting, they offered phone calls of support, an online community, reading lists, etc. One book in particular "No Time to Say Goodbye" really helped me come to terms with my own feelings.

A suicide, whether it is a teenager, a young adult, or an older person, is so difficult for the family and friends left behind that we can fall into a "pit" of our own. Please take care of yourself and seek help from people who understand the feelings you have.