I really think this site is a great resource, but I don't think I'm fitting in well. My son left for BC yesterday and we had know since November he was. I'm not heartbroke, I'm not crying at the slightest thing, not sleeping with his pillow/shirt/stuffed animal, etc.
Not saying it wasn't hard to walk away. I cried. I worry. I'm concerned & hoping things go well, but also knowing he's going to have hard times. This is his journey though, not mine. I'm here to be strong for him & support him.
I guess seeing everyone's post make me wonder if I'm heartless. I would love to comment on posts, but I think my posts won't really feed into the tears & loneliness.....
Any others out there like me just looking for information & friends that are on the same page I am?
People react differently. My older son went to OCS Officer Candidate School (bootcamp for officers) in 2006. His dad and I took him to the airport, we stopped at the curbside, his dad shook his hand, I gave him a quick hug, got back in the car, waved goodbye and drove off to lunch. Didn't think anything of it. Navy For Moms didn't exist until a year later. We got a quick call that evening indicating that he had arrived in Pensacola. We went about our business. We assume he was doing well - why wouldn't he? He was 22, graduated from college - his own man. We got a letter from him about 4 weeks into the program - that was the first inkling that OCS was much tougher than he had anticipated. On letters to him, he instructed us to use plain envelopes, blue or black ink, plain white paper. No perfumed anything. No funny stickers. No color anything. No musical cards. No card at all. No articles from magazines. No newspaper articles. Address him on envelope exactly as he had indicated. And deviate from the above if we didn't value his life. "NOT KIDDING" he wrote. His graduation was quite impressive. Later on he went out on long deployments w his sub, once silent for 7 weeks. He wrote, email, call when he could. He had anticipated that if I got antsy during his long deployment, I would start calling whatever phone number I could find on the internet and thru personal contact. He specifically told me not to call anyone, that he was out doing his job. If there was a problem, the Navy would get hold of us.
Our son was very independent. After he had gone away to college at 17, we talked to him once a week, something once every two weeks. He came home whenever he could. He graduated from college June 2006. To get approval for the OCS program, one of his final interviews was with an admiral in Washington DC. As soon as the Admiral gave the thumbs up, he was taken to the next room where he signed his contract and was sworn in right then and there. We thought we would have an opportunity for an photo op at the local recruiting office - no such chance. We lived thru it. He finished his commitment to the Navy in '12.
You'll be fine. As I said earlier - everyone is different, relation w the recruit/candidate different.
Thanks for the kind words. I just feel like an oddball when I hear how others react to the goodbye & lack of contact. I see it as a good thing, but then again...his dad was Army & deployed for 18 months. I want to take each of them aside & discuss the "big picture" lol.
Our family tends to take things with a stiff upper lip. My mother and father always thought crying should be done at home with family or close friends. My husband always though public display of emotions was undignified. I have to admit a few years ago when I read about moms who cry endlessly I would find it very peculiar and almost annoying . I would think for God's sake, their son/daughter is going off to join the US Navy, not to prison or exile in Siberia. I mean this is a great opportunity. We spent years educating them, providing shelter/food/clothes to get to this point - now that the moment is finally here, we can't cut the cord? Really? This site has been great in that it opens up our eyes to differences between people and simultaneously exposes the same underlying bond we experience as a member of the Navy family. Now I am more accepting of people who need to cry, have to cry. And it's OK - doesn't mean that person can't be supportive when I need a few Navy hugs.
I agree with you completely. I think my view also has to do with my kiddo being almost 23 & was living on my couch :) It was time for him to move on in life.
I have shed a tear or two, can't imagine tho avoiding a room or sleeping with his pillow (tho I did sleep with the hubby's when he was deployed).
Military is a fantastic group, no matter what branch. Most people provide a wonderful support system & if we were all suffering the same then no one would move forward.
So wonderful to know I'm not alone out here.
By the way, I just sent you a friend request (look at your status box on upper right, click Friends, then Requests Received, then accept next to my request. You can use the Navy For Moms private messaging system available for N4M friends.
I have a classmate from high school who lives in Eureka, MT (off IS 93) - he is a forest ranger been there for years. My younger son is working in the oil fields of ND. He love MT, stayed in Billings on off days w friends 3 years ago.
Got it! Thanks!!
Bunker, my family to a "T." As a young tough Sailor I always managed to hold those tears back till the airplane took off. Then when I was married the wife and I wouldn't talk in the car for hour after departing from Christmas leave..............
I know how you feel. I felt the same way. I'm a veteran and so is my husband. Our take on the whole process was different than others on here. What I found was that my perspective helped some with their separation. Now I coordinate quarterly get togethers for families in our region to help new moms. I did find that the network of moms really helped me get information about how things were going at GL and that was priceless. By pooling our information, I could better gauge what my son was doing, which helped when he called or wrote home. Not to mention the heads up on phone calls. The first to get a call would post and that let the rest of us know to be alert for a call home. I hope you will stick around. You perspective may help someone. Besides, I need a navy mom like you in my network too. :)
how can find some navy moms to answer questions, my son is leaving in may, i had no idea, we can see him off at airport, whom do we find out from.
my husband leave in may as well do you know what he is going for?
I feel similar. This was such a long process for my son from the time he made the decision to the swearing in and leaving for bootcamp. He is a very determined, dedicated and strong willed young man and watching his transformation from beginning to now has been fascinating and I cannot wait to see him after he completes BC because I just know how proud he will be of this huge accomplishment. I miss him, miss being able to speak with him whenever I want but he is very independent and was so eager and ready for this journey to begin that I feel it would be somewhat disrespectful to bemoan his absence. He is absolutely in his element and was able to leave his home, family and everything familiar to become a Sailor because he knew we were as proud of him as he was of himself. I know the military may not be for everyone but we are so proud of this young man and excited to watch this transformation.
So to make it short...you are not alone and should not be ashamed but a proud parent of a strong young man.