Outraged Momma Bear

[Momma_Bear]

I am hearing some not so great things happening on this website.

They range from cliques to RDC's trolling so they can cause problems for our SR's.

I have decided that I don't need this site like a handful of others I have heard from that have been publicly chastised on this site for posting things as mundane as their child's first name. 

This is a sad thing, considering the idea behind it is a great one.  I shall just be smart and stick with the actual Navy Website, my SR's recruiter and my SR for any information I need along with the group I have joined elsewhere that appears to have more knowledge of what is happening due to the fact there are more there sharing without fear of being talked down to or slapped in the face by someone else's words.

Shame on those of you that had less than good judgement in your actions and thoughtlessness in what you placed out in open forum towards other mothers who are just trying to make it through the next day of not hearing from their SR's.

Momma Bear

[BunkerQB]

Concernedad,

You are getting better. You still need to think twice before jumping in. Avoid controversy. LOL. Hahahaha. I am having fun this morning.

BQB, your personal feelings coach.

[Concernedad]

If I thought before jumping in, I'd never have anything to say.

[FireTeamLeaderWife aka FTLW]

Okay...I have been reading...but have not posted yet. Mostly because I was "hoppin' mad" and not really so much at Mama Bear...but the outside source who is "feeding" her. New moms are emotional, I’ve been one!

So, "I'll take one for the team".

It may not have been me but I could have very well been it/or one of them. I post a caution right on every PIR group. I used to repost this directly on the Main wall of the group every week for the first four weeks of a PIR group...for new members that had joined.

Also, recently I posted about another subject that lead into a caution on posting an SR's first name...at least for the duration of BC on BC Moms. (It's on about page 8 right now)

Did I publicly chastise? I hope not...I spend a lot of time trying to get the wording "just right" as I know it is the written word and can be taken wrong...plus, it's not a "warm, fuzzy" subject. After I posted I did have a mom ask a question about it and to clarify better. Great, I love that...because the last thing I want to do is be unclear about my opinion...but it happens.

I've been on this site for about a year now...my main area is the PIR groups... with diannep, LaLa, ellen0502 and a few others that jump in. When I went through this, diannep, LaLa, Betsy, Sandy and JessicaB were so supportive and helpful...I can't thank them enough for their advice and support! JessicaB's post about not crying (Jessica said Not to cry) got me through that first "real" phone call with my son...I knew my tears would not have helped him any and for me would have taken precious time from our call...that is me...everyone is different. I didn't have to do what she said...but it was there for me to do with as I saw fit.

Jessica had to be off the site and I noticed she was "missing". I didn't want her posts to be "lost" and that's how I started. I enjoy being on the PIR groups and I have made it my business to learn them...they have an ebb and flow to them. As you can see...I am a little more straight forward and not so much "warm and fuzzy"...I do have shoulders and tissue if you need them...but I am more goofy "let's find a smiley or video to embed" to get you to laugh and smile a little as well as a "safety hall monitor" (Lala joked about that with me once...I actually was one in school.)

Why do I caution about things that seem "mundane"? Because I care. Because I don't want to see a "mom" and their SR suffer something that they didn't have too. I can't prevent them all...but I can try to prevent some. I backed off on posting about "difficult" subjects and cautions for a while...it's hard because you don't want to freak people out...or they take it the wrong way...but knowing I could have said something...and I didn't...that is far worse for me personally.

Like diannep...I've seen the "fallout" on here sometimes. From late night venting’s about RDC's to innocently posting TMI from a letter and having it come around and bite that mom AND her SR in the behind. My heart broke for one incident where this happened. She posted info from her SR's letter (just to share and a concern), another mom took that information and wrote her SR, who in turn confronted the first moms SR, who wrote back to his mom...who apologized to her PIR group for not writing it right. She may have written it fine, it could have been the passing of it that was incorrect. We reassured her that it was the past now and by that time was done and gone.

So you see, while we get criticized for being an open forum (it's in the community guidelines that we are) the scenario above....could've happened on a closed group as well.

As far as the "group elsewhere" stated and the negativity that diannep talked about...I'd bet a good steak I know where it is coming from...I know because I know the PIR groups. (Yeah, I am a bit of a hovering mother about them Angie!) I've seen it and intercepted (and deleted) negative posts about this site and we "veteran moms" pasted over from one. No worries…dealing with it…again, willing to take “the hit”. Say what you will about me…but don’t slam this site. I am a bit of a bear myself when it comes to the PIR groups, I'm afraid. It stems from my own feeling of support I have gotten. As a reservist wife....active duty comes sporadically...and is a "different animal". No FRG, no active duty around, no support on a regular basis. No knowledge...and knowledge can be empowering and help dispel some fear of the unknown. When hubby was activate for a year and went to Qatar for six months...right after 9/11…there were no books about deployment and no support sites (I was on dial up then anyways! LOL).

No goofy smileys, images, or videos this time…though I was tempted!

P.S. Just an FYI…I get many personal messages and answer them and the moms are always appreciative, and many do ask how my Sailor is...thank you back!

 

 

 

 

[Angie]

I still love you even though we have never meet...we may disagree some times but we do it with respect.  I thought it was helicoptor mom...or is it hoving mom :~} 

[FireTeamLeaderWife aka FTLW]

Excactly Angie...me too...here is a warm, fuzzy for you

I only have so much will power...

[ebigirl]

Me too!!

[Angie]

odds are it was me...I seem to piss of lots of people :~}

[BunkerQB]

I have been thinking about how and where Momma_Bear got all tangled up. I know at one point within the last 30 days there were a number of PIR groups started with the intent of diverting members to "parallel" Facebook groups. Not sure why the member did that. I thought it was a duplication of efforts. In any case, the timing seem strange. I mean how many of us go to a FB group and tell them to join Navy For Moms?

But I prefer to take Momma_Bear's complaint at face value. A lot of problems come about because the new members are so unfamiliar with military life and are so emotional at the same time. They need information but one answer leads to another question and on and on. In their excitement, anxiety and overwhelmed state many simply don't understand about OPSEC.  Yes, it's definitely frustrating saying the same things over and over again - that is the reason we need to have newer members come back and take up the baton. 

It seems to me that the recruiters are rather remiss in disseminating information to the families. Many of the questions are so basic - I have a hard time accepting that the recruit and the recruiter had not talked about it before.  Another issue is sometimes the recruits DO NOT want the families involved, so they don't tell the families anything.  The recruit wants to make his own decision.  The families are not always aware of this, so they are frustrated and come on this site to vent. However, they forget that we are not the enemy. No one really is.  How do I know that sometimes the recruit wants to keep the families out of the loop?  I got to know the former Commander of the Recruiting district for Northern CA (a huge area). I ask why he doesn't insist that the recruits get their families on this site, they can get so much info ahead of time. His reply was, "That is up to the recruits. We tell them about availability of the site but beyond that we are not going to do anything because the recruits are over 18 and are adults. We are recruiting the individual and not the family. We have to respect the decisions and choices made by the recruits. We are there to find individuals to meet the Navy's needs."

Many of us have tried to organize this site and the information so it there for all to read, if they would just make the effort. Most do if they know that it exist like the Survival Guide, like the discussion within the PIR group sites.

To the ladies of the PIR group (FTLW, diannep, lalaribbon, ellen + others) and all the other regulars on this site (Angie, Craig, Lemonelephant, Lady Hamilton, Denise .. retired, Concerndad, ebigirl, judy, Abby, DramaSoul, AntiM, Rhonda, Pat, a bunch of people within certain groups who don't venture out of their groups, etc. etc.)  - you are all magnificient.

I am actually very please to see many new faces posting and coming around to help. I really believe we are going to be OK. I have a few "housekeeping" suggestions to Navy For Moms Admins which I probably don't need to go over here - you all will just have to trust me.

P.S. If I forgot to mention your name - it is not on purpose - just old age and I haven't been lurking on all over the sites (blogs, discussions, groups). PLEASE reply to this message and let us know you are here and willing to help.

[Mainevacationer]

I am willing to help. Right now I don't know very much about the Navy. I haven't even got the "I am a sailor" call yet. If a little hand holding and a good listening ear is needed for venting, let me know how I can help.

[BunkerQB]

That is great. Start by reading all the stuff posted in the PIR groups. Get to know this site - how it functions. Click MAIN. On the featured discussions, you'll find a discussions on Survival Guide, Groups:Listed by PIR date, Groups: Listed By Ratings.  Here part of what we have in the List of PIR groups.

                   PIR: Sept 21, 2012           TG 45

                   PIR: Sept 14, 2012           TG 44 - 11 Divisions (289–298 & 944)

                   PIR: Sept 7, 2012            TG 43 - 11 Divisions (279–288 & 943)

                   PIR: Aug 31, 2012           TG 42 - 12 Divisions (269 - 278, 818 & 942)

                   PIR: Aug 24, 2012           TG 41 - 9 Divisioins (261 - 268 & 941)

                   PIR: Aug 17, 2012           TG 40 - 13 Divisions (249 - 260 & 940)

                   PIR: Aug 10, 2012           TG 39 -  9  Divisions (241 - 248 & 939)

If you find a comment or a post from a new member looking for others in a division, as an example, say Div 280, you can see that the PIR date is Sept 7. You can highlight and copy the above link and post it in the reply. Thanks for jumping in. If you haven't seen the Survival Guide, take a look, watch the videos. Don't forget if they are deppers to tell them about Craig's NavyDep.com site.

Let me know if I can help - send me a friend request.

[ebigirl]

Mainevacationer; You are a WEALTH of information, you just don't realize it yet. You are the mom that REALLY new mom's need and want to hear advice from. Answer questions to the best of your ability as I'm positive your are already doing. We never know how much of an impact we make on another mom, dad or family.

Thank you for being willing to help. I find it very satisfying to share what informtion I have learned. :-)

[Anti M]

My parents didn't know I'd joined the Navy until they got a letter from boot camp.   But then, they were working in Saudi Arabia and it was long before the internet existed, and phone calls were next to impossible to that country.  Talk about out of the loop!