Please help. =]

[Marianna4NAVY]

My boyfriend is 22 years old. He considered joining the Navy directly after graduating high school. He had a recruiter and completed the ASVAB and he was/is very interested in the Nuclear Tech program. However, before anything was official he decided to attend community college. He will be receiving his Associates degree in Business Management/Administration this May. However, out of nowhere he told me a few days ago that he is considering seriously joining the Navy. I think he is bored with his schooling and regrets not joining when he first wanted. We were not dating the first time he considered joining. I am completely clueless on anything regarding the Navy. We both live in Virginia. What should I expect? How long will he be gone? Will he be on a strict routine/what will his life be like? I've been trying to read forums and comments on this site and others to gather some information but it's hard to keep straight. I haven't heard many success stories about Navy members and their girlfriends. I am very apprehensive but I cannot do anything but support him in his decision and respect him. I have read many forums where women follow their boyfriend but I know in most cases these women were wives not girlfriends. I received my Associates in Science last May and I am currently in Nursing school to receive my BSN/RN so I am stuck in my current location for at least two more years. ANY information is greatly appreciated. I would just like a better idea of what to expect/be more knowledgable on the Navy. Tell me everything/anything you know, please!

[Denise-- Seabee Mom]

There is lots of girls that stay where they are and finish up school. Wait until they are done to move. I say encourage in following his dream. If he already has regrets. Keeping him from doing it a second time will only cause him to have more. I would also say check out the Girlfriends, Fiancés, and Wives of Sailors. I know the girls in there can be alot of help to you. I think you will find them telling you it’s not easy but it’s all very manageable.

http://www.navyformoms.com/group/girlfriendsfianceswivesofsailors

[Marianna4NAVY]

Thanks for the link/advice. =] I knew I could not do anything for him but be happy and supportive when he told me. It will be an adjustment though because we are together every day and night. He is my world.

[Denise-- Seabee Mom]

I understand that. and yes its going to take a huge adjustment. Talk with him . Make sure you are hearing him and letting him know that you can be a strong. Its doesnt seem like a easy thing to be a spouse to someone in the military. You may find that the rolls change and you will be the rock.

[CaptainFatso]

"What should I expect?"

The young sailor approached the Chief about getting time off to be present when his baby was born. The Chief responded by saying, "Son, you had to be there when the keel was laid, but you don't need to be there when she's launched".

That's what you should expect. ALL of your boyfriends personal desires and preferences are subject to the needs of the Navy. ALL of your desires and preferences for your relationship are similarly subject to the needs of the Navy.

That isn't to say that Navy commands don't attempt to accommodate their sailors here and there. They do. However, that's not their mission. If the President of the United States says to put a carrier off Korea's front door, your boyfriend or husband is going to go. It doesn't matter who is graduating, who is being born or who is getting married. It doesn't matter what your financial situation is or if the kids need to go to special therapists.

Lots and lots of people make their relationships work under these circumstances. Others don't.

In my humble opinion, the way to make it work is for both people in the relationship to have their eyes wide open about the stark truth.

There are Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthdays, Mothers Days and the like coming where he's either going to be deployed or standing watch. Its happening. There's no way around it and if he indeed becomes a Nuke, it will be going on for at least eight years.

[Marianna4NAVY]

I was afraid of a response like this but I was expecting it and I appreciate it, thanks! I am not too concerned about holidays necessarily. I will be experiencing very hectic hospital hours throughout the end of my Nursing school/clinicals so I know the importance of work over holidays. However, if I want to have a future with him it is going to be tough going through certain things (like having his child) without him there, though we are not near that time in either of our lives yet. What a reality check.

[Denise-- Seabee Mom]

Just remember there are so many military wives having babies and them not be there. Your in the days of cell phone, laptop and skype. But really worry about that when the times comes. Dont get to far ahead of your self

[Anti M]

I was born and raised in the Navy, joined the Navy, married Navy.  Now we're retired Navy!  You learn to roll with it, and so do the kids.  Navy brats are extremely flexible, and usually understand about their sailor parent and what they do.

I found the tough part was when dad first came home and mom was still in charge ... the transition could be tense.  When it was my turn, I simply told my husband to let me handle the bills because I knew what went where and when.  He was happy to do so, although I was overjoyed that he liked doing housework and shopping when he was home!

[judy r]

well in reading this it tells me you have a plan for your future and that is good. Medical people can work anywhere course you will have to pass a state exam but piece of cake for you I am sure. He goes to boot it is 8 weeks then he goes to the Nuke school and that can 2 yrs or so I think so in the mean time you are finishing your degree and getting prepared to go forward with your career now if you get married and it takes a very special person to be able to handle the separations and odd duty shifts late holidays and all that goes with being a Navy wife.you can work which will keep you busy too and that is a good think to much time on the hands makes you think weird stuff just throw it out. But you have to know if you can stand alone because a Navy wife has to be able to do that cause he will be gone a minimum of 6 months when on sea duty. You will need to ber able to take the reins and run the house take care of bills, car repairs and the 101 things that can come up.if you can do that it is half the battle.  I have a dil that has been doing this for nearly 20 yrs raised 3 boys with a husband gone as much of not more than at home. So I have seen what needs to be done and just how hard it is.