Possible divorce: Steps

[PeruvianMami (Ship11Div284)]

Need to get pointed in the right direction of do n donts when askin for divorce. How or where do i get info in what steps i need to take to protect me and my daughter.

[Craig]

Not sure how this relationship is/was, but to me, I would spend all efforts trying to find information on how to keep the marriage together.  Not everyone's situation can allow that, but if you have truly exhausted all efforts, then here is what you need....

 
The "Legal" Do's for Divorce

• Do use an experienced matrimonial attorney who will have the needed experience and knowledge of the law to make sure that your and your child interests are protected
• Do be honest and up front. Tell your attorney everything and fully make known all your assets and property
• Do be practical and flexible. Finding the middle ground often results in a quicker and easier conclusion in divorce cases.  When all said and done, if both party's think they got screwed, then it was a fair divorce.
• Do document everything that you might think will be important later on. Also keep a journal of important dates and events.
• Do use good business sense when deciding what to fight for and at what cost should you fight for it.

 

The "Legal" Don'ts for Divorce

• Don't represent yourself. Even experienced attorneys that are getting divorced use an attorney.
• Don't get greedy. It doesn't matter if it was you or your spouse that initially wanted the divorce. Just because you're hurt and your emotions are running high, does not mean that you are entitled to more than the law allows. This attitude will cost you unnecessary attorney fees.
• Don't let your friends tell you what to do. Though they may have good intentions listen to your attorney. They know the law.
• Don't pay your support late.
• Don't pick up your children for visitation if have been drinking or have taken drugs.
• Don't spend thousands of dollars in attorney fees fighting over a $150 piece of furniture

 

Below are some other do's and don'ts that seem like common sense but often during a divorce common sense goes out the window.

The Emotional Don'ts for Divorce

• Don't discuss the details of the divorce with your children. They are not equipped to handle the emotional strain being placed on them.
• Don't make promises to the children that you cannot keep especially extravagant ones.
• Don't make your children feel like a "guest" in your new home.
• Don't put your children in the middle of your divorce. The divorce is between you and your spouse.
• Don't put your spouse down in front of the children.
• Don't question the children regarding the activities of your (ex) spouse.
• Don't refer to your visitation with your children "Your time" and base things around your schedule.
• Don't rehash the things that have happened in the past, you can't change what has already ready happened
• Don't use the children as messengers. This puts them right in the middle. Not only are you risking their love and affection you are also relying upon the child to get the message to your spouse correctly and in the manner you meant it.
• Don't use your children as a bargaining chip during the settlement process.
• Don't stop the children from seeing the other parent because he or she owes you money.

 

The Emotional Do's for Divorce

• Do get professional help if you need it to cope with your divorce.
• Do make the children feel that your new home is also their home. That should include whatever chores they were responsible for at your prior home they should also be responsible for at your new home.
• Do remember that the children have a social life. They have soccer, birthday parties and friends. It is important that their social life be as normal as possible. They are not the ones who are divorcing, you are. So let them maintain a normal social calendar.
• Do show respect towards your spouse in front of the children.
• Do make sure that the children know they are not the reason for the divorce.

[Angie]

If your husband is in the USN and you are seperated right now...het should be giving you money...if he isn't than recommend you call the CMC of his command (yep this the time to call them!)

 

Don't for get to try and get it in the divorce paper work that he supply medical, dental, ??  for your child.

 

Also this is a civilian matter so as far as filing and what not that is done by the civilian sector...the USN dosen't help with it.

[Anti M]

The divorce will be a civil matter, through the state you reside in.    The child will remain a military dependent with an ID card and benefits such as medical, dental and so on.  The sailor will receive a reduced amount of BAH (BAH diff) to give to the custodial parent for support of the child.  There may be more support based on his paygrade and whatever the court orders for support of the child.  

As an ex-spouse, unless you've been married over ten years or more, you will find it very difficult to get the state to order any support for you.  You're an adult choosing to leave the marriage and YOU will most likely get zip, zero, nada.