Proposal from bootcamp

[Mandisa-R]

Hello ladies! My SR shipped out April 17th.Before he left our relationship was great but no talk about marriage yet. His first letter home he asked me to marry him and every letter since has been focusing on the marriage topic. He was injured 3 weeks ago and still is in RCU. Since then he is really into it now. I spoke with him 2 weeks ago for an hour and he told me that he wants me to go ahead and start planning the wedding so that when he returns we can go ahead and marry. He even wrote my mother asking for her blessings. He and I were together for 6 months before he left. Everyone that I tell, tells me not to get my hopes up because they all do that in boot camp because they are lonely and miss home but once they get to A school they usually do not follow through with their promises from boot camp. His A school is in Gulfport, MS for 7 weeks and then he returns home because he is in the reserves. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? I am looking for a bit of insight as to whether I should wait until he returns to start planning or just go ahead and start.

Thanks so much!

Mandy

[Mandisa-R]

How long does it normally take to phase up? Thank you Nellz so much for the information! :)

[Nellz15]

that really just depends on the school i believe, took mine about a month to finally take his test so he could phase up and he never phased up to 3.

[meagan5220]

hmm as far as the A school goes if you need to worry about your relationship during a school IMO you have to worry about it no matter what the situation is. If you dont trust them not to cheat during A school you shouldnt trust them not to cheat during any other time of their life. IMO cheating is about the person not so much a situation. During A school while they might have some time to hang out and stuff if they are dedicated to you then it shouldnt be a problem. this is my personal opinion. Yea my husband and I had our days but I didnt ever question if he was faithful or not.

 

As far as your relationship goes I always say NEVER ever judge your relationship compared to other people's relationships. My husband and I got married after being together for 8 months. We got engaged at 5 months we had known each other for years though. But I still get shit bc I got married so fast. But I am not the type of person to say yes just bc I only said yes bc I knew 200% it was what I wanted. If you do not feel comfortable getting married yet tell him you want to wait til he gets home and discuss it in person or plan together since you guys have the option to do so. I got married to my husband when he was less than 5 months into his enlistement. Yea its been a whirlwind and some days are hard. but its life. Life isnt easy, its messy and complicated. I love my life.

 

[Nellz15]

I completely agree with you on the trust thing, but I also believe that they should also know what could happen.  Better informed and trusting that nothing will happen, than being blind sided by it later on.

[meagan5220]

I get that to an extent. But honestly if a guy wants to cheat he will find a way no matter what. If he doesnt no matter what is going on around them they wont.

[Nellz15]

And again i agree lol

[meagan5220]

:) lol I just hear some girls say oh well he wouldnt have cheated on me if it wasnt for stupid A school. facepalm. He might not have cheated right then but if he could do it there and then he could do it anywhere anytime. geez on my husbands ship there was a wife that thought her husband was cheating and she was talking all sorts of crap about the other sailor he cheated with. I just asked her well why are you not upset with him? He made the vows not her? she owes you nothing! yea its crappy she did it but I feel like I see a lot of girls try to give their so an "excuse" for cheating. Which IMO is unexcusable. So I am not trying to argue with ya but I think you get where I am coming from haha :) sorry its late here lol! and I need sleep!!

[Mandisa-R]

LOL! So you were lucky sort of speak! I trust him but I am not to sure if I would be comfortable with him sleeping off base for the weekend! So hopefully Gulfport takes a while as well! :)

[Mandisa-R]

I certainly agree with you Meagan. I was in a relationship for 10 years and marriage never came out of it. So what I am saying is I believe whenever the couple is ready it can take a month or several years but there isn't a time limit on love.

[Team Leo <3]

Omg! We have the same exact situation! My bf already graduated from boot camp and let me tell you that it wasn't the same as in his letters :(... like now he's kinda back to who he was but now the whole marriage thing hasn't been mentioned. Well not exactly. Like he still says I'm his future wife and this and that, but not like in boot camp. When he left we were also 6 months into our relationship, now we're on 8. I'm not saying don't get your hopes up because everyone is different you know? I know my bf still has plans for our future, but isn't as urged about it. He's also doing reserves and he graduates from a school on July 27 so should be back in August. I'll let you know what it's like then.

[Mandisa-R]

LoL what a coincidence! He should be done with boot camp in the beginning of July and then back home by the beginning of September Gods willing! I am very interested to see how it will be after boot camp! Please let me know how it turned out for you.. I haven't ran into to many women who's men are in the reserves so terms are sort of different.

[Anti M]

Just a few thoughts;

Boot camp is an extreme emotional pressure cooker.  They miss home, they miss you, they want normalcy.  There's a reason they are told not to marry on PIR weekend, they literally are not in their right minds.   I'm not saying they don't love you, but a life decision shouldn't be made while under pressure.   Just makes sense.

Once they get to A school, they have more freedom, more time to think and relax.  They may still want to get married, but the pressure isn't as intense.  They may want to wait until the timing feels right, or they can come home.   If they're in the reserves and due to come home, the pressure is really off because they aren't looking at sea duty and long separations.  

As for cheating and flirting in A school... face it, either you have a guy who will never cheat or you don't.   In the Navy, and not just A school, they work with interesting young women who have a job in common with them.   It is up to the guy to tell these women they are taken and not get into situations where bad decisions are easy to make.  Now everyone is going to hate me for this one:  If your guy never dated anyone else ever, and he meets new and exciting women (Navy or civilian), he may up and decide his hometown girlfriend really wasn't what he wanted, he simply never met anyone else.   There's not a lot you can do about that, even marriage and babies won't stop it.   Maybe he strays a little, maybe he leaves the GF behind, maybe he's faithful as ever.  It is a risk, it does happen, although very few of the ladies come back here to talk about being dumped.

Should you be worried?  Only you and your sailor know the answer.   Talk about the risks, talk about your fears.   You'll know the answer in your heart.