She decided to join the Navy....

[Susanw004]

Hello everyone!

My daughter has recently informed me that she will be joining the Navy.  This is something I did NOT expect from her as she is what I call a "girly girl".  She has done her homework on the Navy, she knows it will be the hardest thing she will ever do.  But she is determined to make something of her life and this is the path she has chosen.  She is 17 and will be graduating from high school in May.

When she first told me (and she was scared to death to tell me), I was shocked and kind of angry that she would want to do this.  However I didn't let her see that.  I have been 100% supportive and encouraging.  When she is not around, that is a completely different story.  I am sad.  She is my only child and I can't imagine her being gone so far away and for so long.

Tonight, for the first time, I sat outside and bawled my eyes out.  You know...the ugly cry!!  She wasn't home.  I keep remembering her a small innocent child, playing in our pool and calling me "mommy".  This is the memory that continues to go through my head when I think about her leaving.  Are there stages of emotions, like there are with death?  I would love to hear other mom's stories about how they felt with and dealt with the news that their child was going into the military. 

I look forward to getting to know all of you other moms out there as time goes on.  Thank you for reading, thank you for supporting each other and God Bless!

Susan

[Sharri]

Boy do I know how you are feeling!  My son NEVER mentioned the military.  Then all of a sudden he brings this Army recruiter home to talk to me.  He ended up checking out several branches and chose the Navy.  My fear is that he chose the military life to run from our family situation.  His father left us, unexpectedly, last May and Ben is having a hard time with it.  I think that he thinks if he isn't around, he doesn't have to deal with it.  Honestly though, he does not enjoy school and knew that he didn't want to go on with that path.  He has always wanted to be a chef so when he told me he was going to be a Culinary Specialist I felt a bit better.  I felt like he wasn't giving up on his dream.

 

I am trying to be as supportive as I can.  But like you, I am broken hearted (yet proud).  He and I were talking last night about stuff in general.  He ducked out to go pick up take out for supper and when the door closed I cried and cried.  I don't know what I am going to do without him around every day.  I have an older son who lives with me also, but he is very introverted and closed.  He goes to graduate school and works and pretty much stays in his room when he is home.  Ben is my funny, outgoing kid.  We have such good times together.  Being single again and just trying to find my way in this new life is not helping!

 

I think a lot of my problem is that all of Ben's life I planned on him living at home and going to college here.  I thought I had four more years minimum to have him around and now it is less than 60 days.  Boy is this going to be hard!  He is very excited, but I think he is starting to get nervous too.

 

Hang in there.  We will make it.  We don't really have any other choice, do we?

 

Sharri

[Susanw004]

Oh Sharri, you are NOT alone.  It's hard to let go of our "babies" isn't it?  I am actually coming to terms with it now and find I don't get so sad anymore now that I have had time to let it all sink in.  Now, when it gets closer to her leaving, that will be another story LOL!  Anytime you want to talk, feel free to message me =)

Right now my daughter is concentrating on graduating from high school in just 20 short days, then she goes in to take another practice test, which she will be ready for.  She and her boyfriend have been running and training every night to build up stamina and endurance.  They are both so determined and I have NEVER seen this in her before.  It's always been school, friends and her boyfriend.  Social life was number one.  Now she doesn't have one (a social life) but she told me she feels great because she knows she is working toward something so important.

Our kids are growing up and making adult decisions and we, as mothers, will support them with the utmost pride!!

This forum has helped me deal with the emotions that I have been feeling and all of the ladies here have been a Godsend!!  Thank you ALL!!  God Bless!

[Susanw004]

Lady Hamilton,

Of course she has plans for time in between. Is that an important concern for you? I came to this site for support on the news that my daughter had recently given me. I apologize that I am not a full fledged Navy mom as of yet, but I plan to be soon. Everyone else's replies have been so supportive and have actually provided me with what I had originally requested, however your replies seem less so. You suggested I edit my post, you implied I am less than supportive of my daughter. Now you point out the fact that she has not done anything within your "checklist" and want to know if she has plans for the time in between??? Now I noticed that you stated earlier that your daughter joined 9 years ago so may e you forget what mother's like myself are going through. I would appreciate it if in the future you refrain from replying to my posts. I find your replies less than useful or helpful.

I apologize to anyone that felt uncomfortable while reading my reply to Lady Hamilton.

[Susanw004]

I never suggested you leave the site, just leave my posts alone.  You clearly are not here for support but to demean me in my reason for being here just because my daughter has not yet actually signed the paperwork yet.  My daughter is 100% fit, healthy and has no learning disabilities, health issues, etc.  So once my daughter is finally accepted, then I will be deemed good enough to be here in your eyes?

Noone else that replied to my posts seem to have a problem with my opening statement but you.

[ATIMOM]

Lady Hamilton,

I think you misunderstood Susan. You quoted the title of her original thread, and this is the important part, "[...] will be JOINING the Navy," and then acted like Susan somehow intentionally misled the group because apparently you don't understand the difference between "joining" and joined. When you read for comprehension and think before you post, you find your foot less often inserted in your mouth. This latest reply of yours strikes me as if you feel you are the self-appointed dick-tater of this website and it's members. I don't understand your compulsion to try to deny another Mom support for her child who has chosen to join the Navy. It is completely irrelevant how long you have been a part of this community. Your antipathy towards Susan is disturbing. I'm quite positive your sentiment is not shared by the rest of the community. It, quite obviously, is not shared by me...or Susan!

[BunkerQB]

With your daughter being your only child, I can understand the "swings" of emotionalism you must be going thru. Perhaps the best (most useful) comment a more experience mom may be able to offer would be to slow down, take it one step at a time. Deployment is the time when as a parent you really experience the overwhelming helpless feeling.  I remember when I didn't hear from our son for 7 weeks. It was pretty stressful. In the meantime, don't get ahead of yourself. Your daughter is making a decision for herself. It probably takes more courage from her than you think because she knows that you will miss her immensely. The fact that she is making a career decision that will take her away from you for months at a time is an indication that you have been successful in raising an independent minded young woman. There are going to be plenty of time for tears. Don't jump the gun. The process of becoming a US Sailor is more involved than you or your daughter expect. I read the other day that as many of one third (unconfirmed) of recruits don't make it. Only a percentage of people meet the requirements to even get pass the initial application process to join the Navy. There are pitfalls. If for any reason your daughter's progress is stalled or she simply wasn't cut out to be in the Navy (I am not suggesting that by the way), the most important thing to remember is that she is still your daughter and she is still an important part of OUR future generation. There are many doors to success. The Navy is just one. We should help our young men and women finds meaningful careers and lead fulfilling lives and be responsible, contributing adults. I am sure you know I am not talking about handing things on a silver platter to the next generation. What I feel is that we (as parents) could do more to train, support and encourage them.

Susanw004 and other new moms, my suggestion RIGHT NOW would be to take a step back and observe and enjoy being here to watch her/him grow up.

Good luck to all.

P.S. My son finished his commitment to the Navy last year. He is home - working - enjoying civilian life. He is just 45 minutes from us (his father and me), but we hear from him more when he was in the Navy and half way around the world - currently he is just too busy with his new job, a wife, a home and a dog. I am sure we'll be the first on his speed dial when the grandchildren come.

[BunkerQB]

I took the time and effort to writ a supportive note to Susan. My suggestion was that she take a step back and enjoy watching her child become a productive human being (a sailor in this case) and that there will be plenty of time to cry.  Secondly, I said that her daughter may or may not be cut out to be a sailor but she like all our young people desire support and guidance.  Susan deleted my comment.

Enough said.

[Susanw004]

No I didn't!!! I went to look for it after the email msg came to me and it was gone!! I thought it was some sort of error on my phone. I thought you deleted it. I just walked in my door and am now able to see the comments properly. Thank you for your reply to me. I was able to read it via my email. It made me smile and I appreciate it so very much! Im Sorry it's no longer here. Possibly error on my part when using the phone? Anyway, again I did not delete it. And thank you again :-)

[Susanw004]

I am posting what you wrote to me, which I greatly appreciate, as it was in my email only:

My son finished his commitment to the Navy last year. He is home - working - enjoying civilian life. He is just 45 minutes from us (his father and me), but we hear from him more when he was in the Navy and half way around the world - he is just too busy with his new job, a wife, a home and a dog.</p>"> With your daughter being your only child, I can understand the "swings" of emotionalism you must be going thru. Perhaps the best (most useful) comment a more experience mom may be able to offer would be to slow down, take it one step at a time. Deployment is the time when as a parent you really experience the overwhelming helpless feeling.  I remember when I didn't hear from our son for 7 weeks. It was pretty stressful. In the meantime, don't get ahead of yourself. Your daughter is making a decision for herself. It probably takes more courage from her than you think because she knows that you will miss her immensely. The fact that she is making a career decision that will take her away from you for months at a time is an indication that you have been successful in raising an independent minded young woman. There are going to be plenty of time for tears. Don't jump the gun. The process of becoming a US Sailor is more involved than you or your daughter expect. I read the other day that as many of 30% (unconfirmed) of recruits don't make it. Only a percentage of people meet the requirements to join the Navy. There are pitfalls. If for any reason your daughter's progress is stalled or she simply wasn't cut out to be in the Navy (I am not suggesting that by the way), the most important thing to remember is that she is still your daughter and she is still an important part of OUR future generation. There are many doors to success. The Navy is just one. It is part of our responsibility to help our young men and women finds meaningful careers and lead fulfilling lives. I am sure you know I am not talking about handing things on a silver platter to the next generation. What I feel is that we (as parents) could do more to train, support and encourage the next generation.

Susanw004 and other new moms, my suggestion RIGHT NOW would be to take a step back and observe and enjoy being here to watch her grow up.

Good luck to all.

P.S. My son finished his commitment to the Navy last year. He is home - working - enjoying civilian life. He is just 45 minutes from us (his father and me), but we hear from him more when he was in the Navy and half way around the world - he is just too busy with his new job, a wife, a home and a dog.

[BunkerQB]

Thank God for technology. I appreciate your reposting because moms new to being a military parent (and I was a newbie once) get stressed at the drop of a hat. Sometimes you can't help it. I know once you get more experience, you'll think to yourself, "Gee, why don't you just get a grip." I know all newbies reading this discussion will benefit from the suggestions from the more experience members - they are given in the spirit of support. On occasions, everyone needs dose of reality - as painful as it may be getting it. Trust me, this will help in bringing the emotions down just a tad. Being on emotional edge 24/7 is not healthy and makes momma very difficult to live with. Yes, there are  members who can be straight forward and blunt sometimes. When you see these words, don't get angry. Is there a message in the words.  Finally, it is OK to vent, it is OK to be emotional. It's all part of the process. I have been here since 2009. There are many discussions (CLICK MAIN, LOOK AT DISCUSSIONS IN THE MIDDLE COLUMN) would will help you adjust. A lot of hours contributed by members in putting the discussions out there.

I hope that you stay with this site and become a contributing member. You have much to say. Some of us are retiring (have already retired), you can help in keeping the site active.

With warm regards,

BQB.

[lemonelephant]

BQB, I think that somehow when you edited the reply that it got erased. I do know you edited it because I had two versions of the reply in my email. (People cannot delete someone else's reply within a discussion, not even in a discussion that they created.)

[BunkerQB]

NO. The edited version was there before I logged off. The comment was not there the next day.