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son in denial?
Views: 134
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Craig on
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What your son needs to do is join a Navy deppers forum so he can see how the other deppers handle this stuff. Let me tell you, when a bunch of deppers get talking, they ping off of each other and encourage each other. He really needs to get the complete story down before he gets to boot camp. He will have a much harder time in boot camp if he doesn't...
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Permalink Reply by McNavy Mom on
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Maybe he is having second thoughts.
We were at the MEPs Center with my second son and was ready to take off for bootcamp and my son turned to me and said "I dont' want to do this." I encouraged him to go because I thought it was cold feet and that he was just having difficulty saying goodbye to us and his girlfriend. He ended up going and being in the Navy for 4 years, but was never that thrilled with the whole thing. I think back on that day and wish I had done things differently, but you really don't know what to do!
My third son was in DEP and 6 weeks before he was to leave, he decided to go to university instead. I wasn't making that mistake again!
My oldest son was in the Navy for 4 years and loved it. He is now a Paramedic and in nursing school. The one that was in the Navy and disliked it is now in an Engineering Program. The one that didn't go into the Navy at all is becoming a Forensic Pathologist. The Navy was great, but it also worked out good for my son that backed out at the last minute too.
Maybe your son is having second thoughts and is nervous about telling you. I would suggest offering other suggestions such as going to community college in the Fall. He can still get into community college this late in the game and get financial aid. 4 years is a long time to be unhappy in the Navy. Really try to get to the bottom of it.
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carol, my husband and i went thur the very same thing. navy moms have assured me that these young people deal in many differenta ways with this transition in life. don't take it personally, i did. . i cried many tears over 6 months. i never knew what was in his head or heart. we had an "anchors aweigh" cook- out in a park with 35 family, all the little ones wearing sailor hatgs, lots of pics taken. it was great.. our son was his fun loveing self that day. when the day came to leave, he was prepared. so please enjoy this time with him. i missed days of ejnoymentg worryinfg too much. you are not alone. all the navy moms arfe hlere for you..... love, love, love"
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They all have different ways of dealing with the impending changes in their lives. Many of them start to pull away from their families and friends so that the parting won't seem so hard. His lack of preparation may mean he's trying to put off the situation. What you need to do is take him aside and quietly ask him if he's having second thoughts about joining and then support him in whatever he decides to do. I guarantee you that there are a lot of kids out there going through this vary same thing. "Am I doing the right thing? Can I make it through boot camp?" etc. My son was an eager depper for 6 months and even he had qualms right before he went in. It's normal. We always referred to it as "the great adventure" and that seemed to help. He felt that stepping off into the unknown was going to be exciting. And it has been.
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Permalink Reply by slapout52 on
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I bet lots of us know this scenario. My SR is headed toward PIR (June 3). He was excited about his choice from the git-go, attended every DEP meeting, watched his diet, worked out in the gym, and ran daily, all to prepare himself for BC. He talked to friends in detail about basic so he could be mentally prepared, too. But guess what? At the beginning of the 4th week they took out his wisdom teeth and he got a sinus infection. If anything will make you homesick, it's needing your family to take care of you. It was the first time in 7 months I had heard him doubt his decision! Maybe he'd have been better off to discuss his doubts BEFORE he left. On the other hand, my 19 yr old is still at home with the prospect of entering a jr college program that would commission him as an Army Lt. in only 2 years. He is as wishy-washy as can be! One day he says "OK yeah, I am going to do this. It is a great opportunity." The next day it's "I really wanted to be in the Coast Guard," or "Why can't I just go to a university and take classes and join a fraternity . . . " It's all in the temperament. Hang in there with him. If you just accept his reticence and respond & TRY not to react, his security will return.
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Permalink Reply by gypsy on
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Thank you so much for your reply, it REALLY helps to know that this is a normal reaction, he tells us that he does want to do this..but that he just doesn't want to talk about it, its sad that he doesn't we just want to help him and discuss his thoughts and fears...but what can you do? anyway, I do appreciate everyones advice thanks...and good luck to you with your 19 year old..we went through the same thing with our son (the one thats going in the Navy) minus the college because he does not want to go to college and where we live there are no jobs, except Mcdonalds, dishwashing, etc. and he wants more (thank goodness) so he knows its the best opportunity. just nervous I guess. thanks again, take care.
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Permalink Reply by BunkerQB on
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@slapout52. Even if he went to the United States Military Academy, West Point (the service academy for Army), your son would only be a 2nd Lt after 4 years. Army Lt in 2 years from a junior college? Better check with your source of information. Good luck to him. He is young - tell him to have some fun.
@Carol. Just tell him in very few words, in a matter of fact way that it is OK to reconsider and not go at this time. Then step back and let him make his own decision. He may in fact be preparing for the departure but just doesn't want to talk about it endlessly. Boys tend to be that way. If you probe, you might find the soft spot that he is desperately trying to hide. He will resent you for exposing him. If he is not prepared when he gets to bootcamp, he'll figure out what he has to do real quick - if he wants to stay in. Encourage him to explore his options with his recruiter, on line and by talking to others who have been/are in the armed forces (if he knows anyone).
Take it from me, a class 1 helicopter mom, stop hovering is hell.
Happy Mother's Day.
Tell him others have found Craig's depper forum useful - he can communicate with others going through the same thing - NOT A NAVY FOR MOMS THING!
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My son was supposed to go last week and sign his contract. His recruiter called and cancelled and rescheduled for this week coming up. Now my son says he does not want to go. He still has not given a legitimate reason. I don't know what happened. I am telling him he needs to go and talk face to face with his recruiter. Every few months it is something different with him. This "wishy washy" nonsense is driving me crazy.
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Hi! how old is your son? who's idea was it in the 1st place to consider the Navy? All I can say is...depending on your circumstances...you know what they say..."when in dought...do nought" it is a BIG decision and none of us would ever want to push our kids (young men or women) into making that choice...I know it is hard though when they can't decide..and I personally think the Navy option is the greatest...but I'm not the one who has to go through it. All you can tell him is it wouldn't hurt to go talk to the recruiter...its just info...you don't make a decision or sign anything until you go to the MEPS office and pass the physical etc. Has your son graduated from High school yet?
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