Son wants to Join Navy

[equeen]

While I believe that this is a good opportunity, a part of me is very scared as I also feel he wants to join not only for the opportunity but because he "wants out" of the life he has here. For example, not happy with school, not being challenged, boring town, etc. What if he does not make it through basic training? What if he doesn't like it? I have told him over and over it's a big commitment and there is no packing your bags and going home. He gets upset with me, but I want to make sure he understands the consequences. I would be so proud to be a Navy mom, but very scared at the same time. What do I do? How do I get over this feeling of being scared?

[KLMkathy]

Our children sign up for the navy for many different reasons and unfortunately there are no guarantees in life. The navy is so overmanned right now that he would most likely have to wait from 6 months to a year to enter boot camp and that would enable him to decide if it is right for him. A month before my son goes to boot camp he was asked by the recruiter if he still wants the navy because this is the last chance to say no before he goes. My son leaves Sunday for Boot Camp. Let your son do the research and just support him for the choice he decides to make. That is really all we can do. Also it is ok to be scared but very proud of him at the same time. Good luck to you and your son. Kathy

[ChrisAmo]

If he makes the decision to join then you must be supportive. You may be upset on the inside but on the outside you need to tell him how proud you are of him. If you keep doubting his ability to finish boot camp then you're setting him up to fail. His desire to please you will keep him going when things get tough. Boot camp isn't easy but it'll make a man of him. My son waitied until he was almost 29 before he joined and now says he wished he'd done it sooner because he's on the adventure of his life and he's sorry he missed so many years when he could have been a part of it all.

[AngieFromWA:BUDS Mom/ HM alumnus]

equeen, my two friends here have given you good advise. His frustration with you I think shows that he really wants you to believe in him. I'm sure you have confidence in your son, just doubts about the unknowns of this undertaking, but he needs you to let him know you do believe in him and that if he IS serious about this, he has your support and you will help him in any way you can to prepare for it. Your fears are understandable, your concerns normal. This journey is one of conflicting emotions for us and filled with ups and downs for them. You should both be aware that once he raises his right hand at MEPS, just before shipping out to BC, he is no longer in control, Ma Navy is. (Until then, he is in the drivers seat and can change his mind at any time, no penalties, except they probably wouldn't take him again if he reconsiders later.) He would be enlisting in a time of war and the "Needs of the Navy" determines all! Sailors serve on ships, but also on land, in the US and overseas as well.

So, you are absolutely right, it IS a big commitment, one he should think long and hard about, one he should choose for the "right" reasons (only he knows that for sure. Consider, is he patriotic by nature and wants to serve his country, does he just want $$ for education, or does he want to travel the world, learn something new etc.) and with a clear understanding of what he is signing up for. As KLM said, he will have probably have some time to do so, especially if he enters under the DEP program. For some, 4-6 years really isn't too big of a chunk of their young life in the large scheme of things. He will probably grow up a bit more and learn a lot no matter what he does and how long he's in, and he might just have some amazing experiences and adventures! He may expand his horizons and will definatetly make new friends, some lifelong.

If he doesn't make it initially, well then it seems he'd be no worse off than he is right now. :) You're right though that they can't just walk away and change their minds! The Navy has a way of weeding out those who are not cut out for Military service. Not all qualify for service, not all that qualify make it through BC, but most do. It's a challenge, but really not that hard. (says me who couldn't do it! LOL) He will have time, and should take it, to prepare himself physically and mentally. BC at RTC Great Lakes is all indoors in a state of the art facility, with 80+ other Divmates (your team) and your three RDCs (Commanders) pushing you and helping you to succeed. :)

With that said, you have come to the right place to help him with the whole exploratory process. Keep reading forums all over this site. The info and encouragement you both need is here for you to find. I urge you to join our main DEP Group. There are some helpful discussions full of info, plus experianced Moms and Navy Vets alike to answer your questions and address your concerns honestly. Also, your son needs to research those different jobs he could do in the Navy. About.com and Navy.mil have some great info. He needs to discuss all the ins and outs with his Recruiter too. If he'll allow it, you should meet his Recruiter and ask him your questions too.

You didn't say how old your son is? Btw: His ASVAB test scores will determine what jobs he is even qualified to do. What he choses as a Rating (job) will partially determine how it all goes too. If he's a smart "kid" who is not being challenged now, I bet he can find something in the Navy that will. Sure beats the frustrating lack of opportunities out in the civie world right now! The military does offer some great opportunities. He will also have access to further schooling while he is in, and after via the GI Bill and benefits.

My Sailor completed 2 years of college, then got tired of racking up the debt and the mundane routine of FT school and work, plus, like many young men, he was antsy for a change of scenery, to "get out of Dodge", so he suddenly enlisted. We are a close family and knew he'd always planned to serve someday. Just had expected he would finish college first, maybe even go as an Officer. He had a very high ASVAB score, could of done anything he set his mind to outside or inside the Navy. He chose his enlisted path and has been very successful! =) He's learned so much, about himself, life in general and the Military world. I am very proud of all his Navy accomplishments and the young adult of character he's become. We instilled and shaped it, the Navy refined and shined it up in him. :)

I'm confident he'll finish that degree as it will be needed to meet the future goals he has for himself after the Navy. In the meantime though, he has grown even more into a mature, responsible, focused and driven young man. He has been in for two and a half years now, is newly married and while his friends from HS and College are still finding their paths, struggling to make it in todays economy, going further into debt for school, my son is living very comfortably and happily in San Diego, having the most challenging and rewarding experiances of his life! Makes me a happy Mom. :) I just want to see my children content and thriving, whatever their chosen path. Btw: My son switched to a new, more dangerous Rating earlier this year, so the fear is always there in the background, but I don't let it rule me. I leave tomorrow's worries there and I trust God and the Navy to protect and train him well now.

One warning, if your son doesn't want to come back to the same "boring town" and have to find a civie job later while he serves, then he should avoid signing up as a Reservist and only go Active Duty. Don't worry though, he will still want to come home for visits, especially if you are so supportive. BC and Navy life (deployments etc.) has a way of helping them even more to appreciate the loved ones back home and all that they may have previously taken for granted. :-) I'm sure he will make you proud Mom! Hang in there. It's quite a ride! God Bless!

[BunkerQB]

Dear equeen,
I am happy that you have found this site for you to express your fears without feeling like you are less of a human being. We all understand completely. However, it's time to let go. The faster you get there, the happier you will be and the easier it will be for your son to adjust to being away from home. Consider the following:

1) If he "wants out" but is too chicken to take the step because you have convinced him that he may fail and winds up staying but is miserable for the rest of his life, how would you feel? So he never takes any risk because of fear of failure. A lot of people have this phobia. He does not sound like he does. Isn't it wonderful that he willing to strike out on his own? Somehow you have given him the drive to make something of himself. Whether it's purely DNA (maybe it skipped a generation) or having the right role model, you can feel proud that he wants to do this. SO, GET OUT OF THE WAY. Young men over the centuries have crossed oceans to foreign lands, not knowing the language, not knowing the customs, not knowing anyone, not knowing if they will survive the voyage in order to make a better life for himself. What would this country be without the brave men and women who came here as immigrants from England, Germany, Mexico, China and on and on? You son wants a job with a top notch organization run by dedicated men and women committed to defend our country. He will be housed, fed, clothed, educated, trained, guided. He will be on ships/boats that cost billions to built equipped with the most sophisticated electronic instruments on the planet.

2) What if he does not make it through Boot Camp (basic training)? His chances are excellent if he prepares himself for BC physically and mentally. Still, what if he doesn't make it? It's not a crime nor is it a shame if he washes out. Part of life is trying uncharted paths and finding out which one works. "Failure" is just not having found the right path yet. If he tries and fails, tell him it's OK. He can then figure out what to do next. I am 62 years old. I have failed at a number of things but my successes far out-weights my failures. When I don't achieve my goals, I figure out why and use the information to improve my performance on the next set of goals. As I look back, the failures seem a distance memory and are no longer important. I thank my dad (deceased since 1987) everyday that he instilled in me the confidence to try anything. My mother was often afraid that I would do something stupid and make myself totally undesirable on marriage market. LOL.

3) You have told him over and over again that it's a huge commitment. Well, yes it is. Military service is not for the faint of heart. If he has a commitment phobia, then the Navy (or any other branch of the military) is not for him.

4) You just want him to understand the consequences but he gets upset with you for beating a dead horse. Come on, mom. Give your son a break. Don't stand in the way of him becoming or being a man. Let him stand tall and make his own decision. As mothers, when they are ready to fly our job is done. The sky is unlimited. Be proud of your boy. I say boy here because it our hearts, they will always be our precious little boys. Just don't tell him or your future daughter-in-law.

Sincerely, yours
BQB.

[Suzanne]

equeen, you never get over the feeling of being scared. I was scared when my son mentioned that he wanted to join the Navy. Then I was scared when he went to boot camp and I was worried he wouldn't make it thru (he did). Then I was scared when he went to A school and I was worried he wouldn't make it thru (he did). Then I was scared when he was sent to his first assignment and I was worried that he wouldn't like his Navy "job" (he did).... As a mom, you will always be scared and worried about something. Channel those feelings in a positive way by getting "on board" with your son's decision and learning all you can about the Navy, what he may be interested in doing in the Navy, etc. As you become more supportive, you'll find that he will be less upset with you. Change is hard for everyone, but you (and your son) can do it!